Funny quotes from patients

Stitchie · Aug 2, 2004

I had an elderly post-TURP patient come into the ER for what sounded like a post-op bladder infection, probably from the leg bag and "capacitator" he was wearing.

Of course it was the catheter he was talking about but the resident doc and I were laughing so hard at his straight-faced explanation of his 'capacitator' that it kept us in stitches all night long.

We kept picturing the 'Back to the Future' flux capacitators going into this poor guy's bladder, OMG :rotfl:

veteranRN · Aug 3, 2004

I was sitting at the nurses station of a LTC over the weekend getting report. A female resident walked up, looked me straight in the eye and said with a nasty tone "I hope you like your nuts" and then turned and walked away. Had me perplexed for a while. Then I found out she was delusional and thought I had stole some peanuts out of her room.

longtimecoming · Aug 5, 2004

"Would you please stop talking so loud!" From an 80 year old HOH woman without her hearing aides.

This reminds me of the bipolar/schizoid personality patient on bipap who continually pushed her call light, and even without the mask, talked so fast and slurred that NOBODY could understand her. One night, one of the NACs who is Philipino (but has lived in the US for 25 years and has excellent English) went to help her and she said, "I can't understand you! Speak clearly!" :rolleyes:

Alison - ADN Grad in 128 days

danu3 · Aug 5, 2004

This is actually from my mom when she was in ER. The doc at one point was trying to ask her if she feel like there are lots of pressure on her chest. I had a huge problem translating to her. Then the doctor try to help me out and suggest I ask if she feels like an elephant is sitting on her chest. That I can translate, or so I thouhgt...

I knew I did something wrong in the translation as soon as I was done because my mom did not say anything. She just looked at me for a little bit. Looked at the doctor for a little bit. Then looked back at me and went "Please tell the good doctor I don't know because I never had an elephant sat on me before!!"

-Dan

gail323 · Aug 5, 2004

I was making rounds with one of our surgeons and we had stopped to see a 90 something female patient - she'd had her surgery and was starting to feel better... I stayed in the room after the surgeon left - did I mention that he was very good looking? After he closed the door, I sat down to make sure she had understood all of her instructions, but I could tell she wasn't really listening to me... and then she said, "I'd let him leave his shoes under my bed any night." and grinned like a school girl...

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Aug 5, 2004

I have a young male neighbor who lives in the same building as I do, but on the back side who gets into lots of animated arguments with himself. It provides lots of entertainment for me:rotfl: Both to listen to and watch him as he goes by, and to watch others as they look around witheir puzzled looks to see where the other person is who he's arguing with. But what totally amazes me is, I have been here going on 9 years, and during that entire time, he has been driving the same car, and he keeps it spotless without a scratch on it.

DG5 · Aug 6, 2004

Working one quiet evening in an LTC facility, an elderly 90+ resident sat by the nursing station to talk, as she couldn't get to sleep just yet. Knowing she was from South Africa I asked her "So, are you from the 1820 settlers?" (Many people's ancestors arrived in South Africa in 1820 from Europe) She gave it some thought and then said "Yes, I REALLY feel like I did."

I thought that was such a cute answer! :lol2:

nicky74lpn · Dec 2, 2011

I work in a nursing home and one of our new residents asked me if I saw her mouse tattoo yet...I said no and she told me to look at her hip where it was. So I was looking and confused cuz I could not find it. She replied "Oh my ***** must have ate it" I thought I would die laughing

Rachelj1222 · Dec 9, 2011

Was at clinicals in ltc and walked into the room with my classmates and the nurse i was following...the patient asks who are they pointing to us students and we tell her were students and she goes STUDENTS HA THAT'S ALL THEY'LL EVER BE!lol

EAST1981 · Jan 14, 2012

I had a pt during my preceptorship who was in his mid 50's and had come in for a PFO repair. I went in the room to answer his call light and he said "I was just wondering if I could get a little piece of bread, with a little bit of turkey and maybe a little bit of cheese." To which I replied, "So... you want a sandwich?" with a grin. He and his wife died laughing. THis same pt promised to dance for me if I brought him said sandwich. I was expecting he'd do a goofy little shimmy or something, but no, I brought the sandwich and he got up and waltzed me around the room! At change of shift my preceptor was showing his cath site (at the groin) to the night nurse and saying "... there's been no problems, no bleeding it's soft..." And of course, he pipes up and says, "It won't be if you keep rubbin' it!" He was so much fun, I love entertaining pts!

nursefrances, BSN, RN · Feb 6, 2012

I love these stories!! :yeah:

Here's a few..

I was giving meds to my patient who was ALOC, as I was quietly giving meds by peg tube I could hear the mother (probably in her 80's) of the neighbor patient telling a story. You could tell this lady was a real character and could make anyone laugh and went with the shock factor. When I walked in she was talking about her husband and something about rubbing butter all over his body. :eek: Then she said "Did I tell you what we did with the whipped cream?" (Remember this lady was around 80. She was a riot!) I wanted to laugh so badly but kept my cool.

Another time i had a patient that wanted to be put back on his bipap machine after eating lunch. (I mentioned this one in another thread, sorry if you have heard it already). He used his call light and asked me to get the RT for him because he wanted to be put back on the Pap Smear machine.