Funniest real orders you have seen in a chart?

Nurses Humor

Published

To start things off, the best and funniest order I have seen on a chart, was in the discharge instructions for a trauma patient. It read simply

Darwin Consult

and was signed by the resident. Well the attending did laugh, but it was not the highpoint of that residents day.

so do you have more?

Specializes in Retired OR nurse/Tissue bank technician.
Imagine being a nursing student helping to pass out lunch trays and coming across one with 2 cans of beer on it. Made sense once the charge nurse told me why it was there, but really surprised me! I also remember a comatose man in the ICU that was getting whiskey through his NG tube.

If a patient overdoses on antifreeze, I believe the recommended treatment is to fill them full of liquor, as the body displaces the alcohol in the antifreeze with the alcohol from the booze, thus saving the patient's life, even if he has a sonofagun of a hangover when he wakes up.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER, Step-Down.

Ted stockings and scd boots--double amputee, dialysis fistula in one arm, PICC in the other arm. Where should we put them?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in surg/tele.
PS. The coffee enemas are "supposed" to cure cancer.

That is right up there with Suzanne Somers' using injections of a mistletoe derivative because it is "natural"

Some people who get migraines get relief from caffeine, so coffee enemas may also be given to people with severe migraines when they can't keep down p.o. meds. I think the migraine drug Cafergot used to come in oral or suppository form for this purpose.

I suppose a coffee suppository could also be used if pt (or nurse) is too tired to lift a cup!

--Emma "not too hot, please, and hold the cream" Peel

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in surg/tele.
If a patient overdoses on antifreeze, I believe the recommended treatment is to fill them full of liquor, as the body displaces the alcohol in the antifreeze with the alcohol from the booze, thus saving the patient's life, even if he has a sonofagun of a hangover when he wakes up.

This is true. As I remember it, what is dangerous about antifreeze is the by-products when the body breaks it down and metabolizes it. The receptors that bond to the antifreeze are the same ones that bond to booze, and they prefer booze. So, you give the pt a bunch of liquor to keep the receptors occupied until the antifreeze passes through the pt's system.

--Emma "Have a couple drinks before working on the car, just in case" Peel

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I love this order! I bet it worked, too. Kudos to the doc. ;)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Not an order.... BUT...

About seven years ago I was working M/B, Nursery, Peds etc. Due to a remodel, gyn surgeries started coming to our floor. I worked three twelves in a row. On Day 1. Mrs soandso had TVH/BSO and was admitted to the unit, she was being followed by a brand new resident. On day 2. I called the resident after removal of lady partsl packing to report a green smelly drainage that had saturated the packing. On day 3 when I returned to the unit, I was reviewing and filing his dictation... which stated "Upon careful inspection it is noted that this woman has green, malodorous pus** drainage oozing from the lady partsl vault." On day 3.5 I grabbed the resident and taught him that we ALWAYS use the word PURULANT to describe potentially infectious drainage in GYN surg.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Management, Emergency, Psych, Med Surg.

We had this poor guy in the hospital who lived on the street. The doctor who was taking care of him thought he was faking his symptoms just to get to stay in the hospital and so he did not want the patient to get to comfortable there. The doctor went into the room and unplugged the TV and wrote an order that said "no TV". So I come to work 3-11 and this man's room is just outside my desk (I am the 3-11 charge nurse ). For the first couple of hours of the shift he kept yelling "I'm dying in here". I kept having to go in there to explain to him that he was not dying. After that, he started yelling "I'm not dying in here". I just could not take it any more so I went in there, plugged that TV in and gave him the remote. Never another peep out of him for the rest of the shift. Next time I saw the doctor I told him to never ever write an order like that again because we ain't doin it!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER, Occupational.
"Darwin consult" Perhaps the doc believed that the patient was a bit behind from an evolution standpoint.

Not sure what Darwin could do for the pt. After all, Darwin has evolved beyond this world!

I would guess it has something to do with "Survival of the fittest?"

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Acute post op ortho.

"suspect impaction, seek and destroy"

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Here was a weird episode with a poor sot 3 sheets to the wind.....

Several years while I was working, this slightly (ok...really trashed) patient comes into my ICU. Now the admission assessment form asks if the patient is an organ donor (not the brightest question to ask a patient on assessment I think, but they put it on the form.....). The poor drunk didn't know what an organ donor was, so I explained to him what organ donation meant, and that it was intended for AFTER death should he wish it. He then replied that he was NOT an organ donor. About an hour or so later, there is all this noise coming from his room.....he was pulling his monitor wires off, IV out, climbing out of bed yelling "PLEASE KILL ME BEFORE YOU CUT MY HEART OUT!!!!!" I swear this actually happened. Well after I finished laughing myself silly, I went and reassured the poor scared to death patient that we were not going to cut his heart out or kill him. Go figure....:D

LOL:chuckle this was just tooo funny! Thanks, what a hoot! (poor patient though....)

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Holistic and Aesthetic Medicine.

Maple syrup acts as an osmotic agent. We have an ENT who has us mix it or caro syrup for nasal delivery. It's similar to using lactulose

Re: Funniest real orders you have seen in a chart?early in my career, we had a doc, who was....well SPECIAL if you get my meaning. She was very homeopathic based, and tried to incorporate that, and science for the care of her patients. Admirable, but well ODD. One day one of her elderly patients was severely constipated, KUB and CT just showed he was - um- full, no Obstruction. She ordered enemas until clear, nothing unusual, except this was not oil retention, nor was it SSE, she actually wanted maple syrup mixed in warm water. This was to be done until the poor man made a big poopoo! Well it was one of the first times we had to obtain "meds" from the dietary dept! And for those that are interested, No it didn't work it just was one sticky mess.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Holistic and Aesthetic Medicine.

They are also used to dilate the bile duct sometimes

Some people who get migraines get relief from caffeine, so coffee enemas may also be given to people with severe migraines when they can't keep down p.o. meds. I think the migraine drug Cafergot used to come in oral or suppository form for this purpose.

I suppose a coffee suppository could also be used if pt (or nurse) is too tired to lift a cup!

--Emma "not too hot, please, and hold the cream" Peel

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment