From the mouths of non-nurses

[mattcastens]

My wife, a piano teacher, and I were talking about music and she was using some pretty "technical" terms that I, not a music professional, didn't understand.

She said, "Now you know what it's like for me. You come home and start talking about your pasta and broccoli."

I didn't understand.

"Your pasta and broccoli. You know -- you talking about them all the time!"

I still had no clue.

She sighed. "When you're talking about your heart patients and how they had pasta or broccoli."

Then it dawned on me. I laughed. :chuckle

She meant when I talked about PTCA ("pizza") and CABG ("cabbage"). :roll

[Jessiedog, RN]

Caring for a newly diagnosed diabetic, approx 7yo, her blood sugars were 4.omMol/L (not sure what it would be in US, but this is borderline low for us) I rang Kitchen and asked for a plate of cheese and crackers, as the kid liked these, explaining that it was for a diabetic. The kitchen hand rang off, saying the food would be delivered ASAP. Two minutes later, the same kitchen hand rang back very distressed, because she couldn't fill the order. "We don't have diabetic cheese!!!" I somehow kept a straight face, and reassured her saying that normal cheese would be just fine. When I hung up the phone, I was laughing so hard that my colleagues of course wanted to know what was up. We had a fun few days talking about 'sugar-free diabetic cheese'.

[Jessiedog, RN]

Just about all my male patients call a urinal "the jug;" and I call it making water.

Urinate sounds crude and lay people don't know what void is.

How do you ask your patients if they are having any difficulties voiding?

In Ausralia I use several terms, depending on who I'm talking to. I try to shape my language to the understanding of the patient, becuase it makes them feel more comfortable, and avoids confusion. In the case of passing urine, I use the words "Have you had a: pee, ****, wee, emptied your bladder, passed water?" In the case of faecal waste, I use other base names, such as "Poo, dump, passed stools, bowel action, and, of course, ****." No, I'm not rude, and I abhor swearing, but sometimes the slang terms are the only ones that certain patients can relate to. When someone is unwell and in hospital, I refuse to make them uphold grammatical niceties and increase their stress levels.

There are some exceptions, tho. I do not tolerate being sworn at, and the 'f word' is NOT acceptable to me.

[handyrn]

Years ago, when I was in nursing school, there was another student who spent several months getting "not so great" grades on her assessments. One day in A&P the instructor was teaching about eyes and we were discussing PEARL and neuro status. This particular student bursted out saying, "OMG, I thought PEARL was the name of a patient we were always talking about!" After that, her assessment grades improved.

[Hootnhollern]

So, I'll tell you this one...

My second job at a hospital was in the CVICU as a unit clerk. I learned all of my medical terminology on the job. On morning as I was reporting off to the oncoming clerks, I said "Well, Mr. G will be able to go home today as soon as he cardioverts himself." Needless to say, I was met with silence and then bursts of laughter. Of course what I meant to say was that the pt (a frequent flier with medication issues) could leave when his rhythm converts.

I can't tell you how long I would come in and people would pretend to put the paddles to their own chests and "convert" themselves ...just for me.

I do still have a good chuckle at myself for that one to this day. :redbeathe

[peridotgirl]

years ago, when i was in nursing school, there was another student who spent several months getting "not so great" grades on her assessments. one day in a&p the instructor was teaching about eyes and we were discussing pearl and neuro status. this particular student bursted out saying, "omg, i thought pearl was the name of a patient we were always talking about!" after that, her assessment grades improved.

i second to that! lol! hehehe! now, we call it perrla. needless to say, some of my nursing classmates didn't know how to spell that one. itr's funny really because i dont even think that they knew what perrla stood for " pupils are equal, round, and reactive to light and accommodation." :heartbeat:banghead::chuckle:typing:nurse:

[alcrab01]

I hate it when people say, "O2 stats" instead of "sats."

[peridotgirl]

this was way back in the day when when we were learning about mi's in my cna class. once day, in lunch, as my friend and i were walking back to class, we were dicussing mi's and the meds associated with them. all of a sudden my friend says "myocardial infraction." omg!! it was soo hilarious. now, i spent a good 5 minutes arguing with her that the word is "myocardial infarction", not myocardial infraction!" there is no math in a heart attack. so now, we've grown up and became cna's and everytime we discuss mi's in lpn class, i always end up crackin' up. :chuckle:chuckle:chuckle:heartbeat:nurse:

[alcrab01]

From a woman who claimed she "went to nursing school" (later found out that she shadowed a nurse for 2 days when she was in high school):

"If her oxygen goes down are you going to pump her up with that Bamboo bag?"

[peridotgirl]

okay. this doesn't exactly fit the description on the heading, but here it goes. A classmate of mine (we were at clinicals and taking care of our assigned pts) asked the nurse if her pt had voided. Nurse responded "oh no she hadn't vioded at all today." Now my classmate goes and tell our instructor that her pt hadn't vioded at all today. Instructor had told her to go back and ask the charge nurse again about the pt vioding because she found it strange the the pt hadn't vioded. Now when my classmate goes and asks the nurse again, she laughs and says " of course, she urinated. She's been urinating a lot today."

Turns out the nurse didn't know what "void" meant. We all just stood and had a good laugh... looks like somebody didn't go to nursing school.... hehehehe!... and you think you're a nurse when.... ??? :chuckle:lol2:

[mybelle3221]

i really like this thread!

[systoly]

A pt. once asked me if she should see an eye Dr. since her PCP had told her she had tiki eye (petechiae). I didn't get it until I saw the affected area. Had to excuse myself real quick.

[ShelleyERgirl, LPN]

This isn't medical but was watching "American Idol" a couple years ago and it was one of the audition episodes where this young girl stated she would be the next American Idol because she had a lot of "self-confidentiality"! I laughed until I cried when I heard that, it just struck me so funny.