Doctors' Chart Bloopers

  1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
    On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
    Father died in his 90's of female trouble in his prostate and kidneys.
    Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
    The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
    Vomiting of unknown origin.
    Admitted in error.
    Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
    Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
    Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.
    Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
    Dr. Blank is watching his prostate.
    If he squeezes the back of his neck for 4 or 5 years it comes and goes.
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  2. 50 Comments

  3. by   Bobo
    Some additional quotes made by physicians in actual medical records:
     Discharge status: alive but without permission.
     The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
     The patient refused an autopsy.
     The patient has no past history of suicides.
     Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
     Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
     Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you would like to work her up.
     She is numb from her toes down.
     Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
     Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
     Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
     The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.
     Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation
  4. by   AprilSN
    These are funny. How about : "please fax face sheet as tolerated."
  5. by   macspuds
    What a delightful site!
    I have enjoyed all the things that I have wandered into on this site.
    I thank you all.
  6. by   lovingangeluk
    This wasnt a doctors blooper but a care assisstant in a home for learning disabilities that i used to work in.. To set the scene it was June time and in the notes was written..
    "Suppositories given, sat on the toilet with no result, will try again after christmas"
  7. by   Pattiecake
    I just can't stay away from this thread. I read this stuff and laught til I'm crying and coughing. My family thinks I'm nuts.
  8. by   KarafromPhilly
    Doctor meant to write, "Wean off O2, keep sats > or = to 92%. However, he was busy/stressed and didn't like the patient very much so wound up writing, "Wean, keep sats < or = 92%". When I pointed out his error (hee hee) he grumped, "No, that's correct. Use a pillow if necessary."
  9. by   Pattiecake
    Anyone notice this thread started in 1999?
  10. by   Fluesy
    Still funny though:chuckle
  11. by   taby
    pt ambulating in hall, sister towing I.V. pole
  12. by   Jessy_RN
    Quote from brian
    Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
    On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
    Father died in his 90's of female trouble in his prostate and kidneys.
    Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
    The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
    Vomiting of unknown origin.
    Admitted in error.
    Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
    Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
    Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities.
    Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
    Dr. Blank is watching his prostate.
    If he squeezes the back of his neck for 4 or 5 years it comes and goes.

  13. by   squeakykitty
    Quote from bobo
    some additional quotes made by physicians in actual medical records:
     discharge status: alive but without permission. you need permission?
     the patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
     the patient refused an autopsy. hmmm, wonder why?
     the patient has no past history of suicides.
     patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. ok, who forgot to bring them?
     between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
     since she can't get pregnant with her husband, i thought you would like to work her up. hoo boy, i wonder how they're going to explain or bill for that procedure??:roll:roll
     she is numb from her toes down.
     occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
     exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. whoa!
     rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. now that's one thorough exam!!
     the patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.
     both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation
    who cares if this thread started in 1999, keep them coming, please! i'm sure there's other funny ones.
  14. by   chiefnut
    I had a Dr. one night write H2S04 dressing change bid. I couldn't figure this one out. I faxed it to pharm. and they said there is no such thing. Had several nurses that deal with this Dr. a lot come and look at it and they couldn't make sense of it either. I finally had to call him. He told me I just wrote for a Silvadine dressing change. I told him no you wrote H2S04. Wow did I? I took me 2 hrs of invesigation. Arrrghhhhh.

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