Afraid of Mammograms?

  1. Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceeding the exam, and doing the following practice excercises, you will be totally prepared. AND... you can do them right in your own home !

    Excercise #1.

    Open your refrigerator and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold the position for 5 seconds (while holding your breath). Repeat again.. in case the first time wasn't effective enough.

    Excercise #2.

    Visit your garage when the temperature of the garage floor is just perfect. Remove your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask the friend to back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat for the second breast.

    Excercise #3.

    Freeze two heavy metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet again next week, and do it again.

    CONGRATULATIONS ! You now have nothing to worry about when you go for your first mammogram !

    ****

    And just a thought for all you women out there:

    MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause.

    Ever notice how all women's problems start with MEN? And when we have REAL problems, it's HISterectomy !!!

    hmmmmmm....
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  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   renerian
    Jnette I like those.....very funny! OUCHEE

    renerian
  4. by   RN-PA
    :chuckle :chuckle :chuckle

    Thanks for posting these exercises-- Not only because they're so funny but because I'm scheduled for my yearly mammogram next week and am not looking forward to it. Because there's one area that's being "watched", I invariably have to have a repeat mammogram on the one breast while I'm there where they compress and reposition it EXTRA painfully.

    Did anyone used to watch the Ellen Degeneres show a number of years ago? I think I only saw two episodes, but there was one where Ellen goes for her first mammogram and as she looks down at her compressed breast, she says, "Oh, THAT'S attractive."
  5. by   vaughanmk
    You all have me looking forward to this sumemr sooo much. I'm 22 and get to go for my first mamogram in a few months. I get to start going early due to a surgery I had over the winter months. I can't wait to make my appointment. Thanks
  6. by   Disablednurse
    What is special is when you have severe back problems and they lift your breast and clamp down on it and you are hunched over the machine, holding your breath. You are also praying that they will let you loose soon, before you pass out from pain. Then they finish both breasts, leave the room and come back and say we need to do the right one again. It was truly an experience having my first mammogram at age 46, and I am overweight and have never had childen. My breasts do not stretch out very far, or at least I thought they didn't. I never knew a breast could be falttened like that.
  7. by   jnette
    My NP took one look at me and said "don't bother!" You'd be wasting your time AND theirs ! She honestly did not think I'd have enough to fit into the squeezemachine. She then thought better of it, and said.. "well, guess you could give it a TRY"... gee.. thanx a LOT !

    And torture it WAS !!! Imagine the PULLING that took place, trying to get something from nothing to place on the machine !
    O veh, o veh !!!
  8. by   Disablednurse
    Well, I guess when you are fat, everything is fat. They were afraid that they would not be able to get mine flat enough. But when they put that last little omphh into it, it flattened it out. And looking at this thread, I remembered that I have to go and have a follow up mammogram this month, because of something they found in the one I had six months ago. Oh!!!!!
  9. by   jnette
    Originally posted by Disablednurse
    And looking at this thread, I remembered that I have to go and have a follow up mammogram this month, because of something they found in the one I had six months ago. Oh!!!!!
    The best to you !:kiss Hoping all is well.
  10. by   ShortFuse_LPN
    Well, I WASN'T scared...............thanks! [IMG][/IMG]
  11. by   Spidey's mom
    I have to add for the ladies who are going in for their first mammograms, which are so very important, that mine did not hurt that much . . . . .to me it wasn't a big deal.

    I always compare aches and pains to labor . . . if it doesn't hurt that much to me, it doesn't hurt.

    Now labor pains . . . .. don't remind me. It's only been 21 months . . . .

    Go get your mammogram . . . . take care of yourselves. :kiss
  12. by   yannadey
    ahh this thread brings back the painful memory of my 1st mammo. I compared it to wisdom tooth ache & giving birth but you're right stevielynn labor pain beats mammo squashing by a long shot.:chuckle :chuckle

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