Students want to be "friends"

[sunnysideup09]

So, my students say they don't care about my personality and that I'm abrupt with them. Here's the issue - if a student is going to try and question me and tell me I'm wrong, then sure I may be abrupt. I'm the instructor, they are the student. They say they think I'm knowledgeable and present the material well. So, why do students think I have to be buddy buddy with them? Any suggestions?

[AOx1]

It is, indeed, one of the hardest things to find balance in, especially as a new faculty member. My philosophy is somewhat like that of a distant relative, lol. I very much care about all my students, wish the best for them, and am somwehat peripherally involved in their lives (I will congratulate them on their new job, etc).

But I wouldn't discuss with them (either disclose or listen to their disclosure of) anything I wouldn't want broadcast on the evening news. I once had a professor who discussed her sex life (!) and her marital issues with students. We were embarassed, had zero respect for her, and wished she would have paid for a counselor vs telling us these things.

When I first started I made the mistake of wanting to be "liked"- did I mention that this was a BIG mistake, lol. It took a week or two for me to figure out this was a bad plan. It's much easier to establish boundaries at the start of any relationship- it helps set the tone for mutual respect, expected behavior, etc.

I now have found the balance between caring and impartiality (at least I think so!). A good thing, I've found, is to look for a mentor that "gets it right" and model his or her example. I'm always looking for ways to improve.

[meluhn]

It is, indeed, one of the hardest things to find balance in, especially as a new faculty member. My philosophy is somewhat like that of a distant relative, lol. I very much care about all my students, wish the best for them, and am somwehat peripherally involved in their lives (I will congratulate them on their new job, etc).

Live to learn,

Thats a good analogy, a distant relative. I like it.

[HazeKomp, BSN, RN]

...I see myself as a facilitator of my students' learning...more of a partner than a boss. It's kind of like Orem's theory. I help them do what they need to do for themselves until they can do it without me.

I like the word facilitator, along with educator. I do not have an adversarial relationship with my students. They know I am there to help them learn and succeed. I ask questions, I push them, I point out their strengths and weaknesses. I insist that they "stretch" and grow, improving as the semester progresses.

I had an instructor that point-blank told me I would never make it in nursing. That was 35 years ago. That semester was SO long with her! Thank goodness for two other instructors that were supportive and encouraging!

Haze

[HazeKomp, BSN, RN]

I do eat lunch with my students, and always have. It's a way to get to know what's on their minds and how they're doing. ... It's never been a problem.

My very first semester teaching, we did 10 hour shifts. Rather than leaving the floor for my own lunch, leaving students unsupervised, we all went to lunch together. The first 30" of lunch was for eating, relaxing, gossip, phone calls, and "letting their hair down"... The next 30" was a clinical conference (think old "Team Conference" from the '80's) where two students presented a nursing-related topic to their peers. It was GREAT! They had to pick their own topics. It was fun to see who picked what. It was very revealing about the students how they presented their conferences. Some read notes from a piece of scratch paper. Others made "Science Fair" boards for visual aids. Some made their own handouts while others just copied some "goodies" from internet resources. It was very educational to see who "went the extra mile" and who "got by" with minimal effort.

My second semester we were only there x 6 hours, so no mealtime. I missed that.

My third semester starts in two weeks. I will be doing 8 hours with the Fundamentals students... so, we'll see how THAT goes.

(yes, I am still a beginner at this clinical faculty thing! hehehe.)

Haze

[showbizrn]

I teach my students,

"Nursing is a kind, compassionate, and considerate profession."

Meaning,

the above qualities must be

FIRST

reflected in my behavior

towards the students

AND

the students' behavior towards

the patients, families, staff members

AND THEIR PEERS."

Nothing "buddy-buddy" about it.

If a student questions my info,

I request their perspective

with references.

No "I am the instructor and you are the student" business.

That's a given.

[cthomas]

If I may respond - I'm a student (and hopefully in clinicals this Fall!:)). From reading your posts, I see you have a very precise style of giving good information with a minimum amount of words. Excellent quality in an instructor for a student trying to digest so much info in a short time. However, if the students complaining to you are younger, they may be products of our school systems that value self esteem - and they are used to being somewhat coddled and viewed as part of a team. Not their fault, but they sure have a disadvantage in college when they encounter instructors with your precise style! In addition, obtaining a nursing degree is very stressful because we have so much competition. A student's plea to "be friends" may possibly be translated as "be friendly".

Yes, it's your job to teach, and not be friends. Buddy buddy instructors dial down stress levels, but direct instructors challenge thinking. A truly golden instructor carries both qualities of friendliness coupled with no nonsense teaching.

Nursing students are stressed as we maneuver in a competitive program. If a student questions you in an abrupt, challenging way, they are probably ready to melt in a puddle of nerves! Direct information delivered with a smile (or kind eye!) should help!