Anyone had serious doubts...about nursing and about self?

Nurses Spirituality

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Doubts that went to your core and haunted you relentlessly through nursing school about whether this was what you were really meant to do? So much so that you said, "Well, if I'm in THIS much doubt it can't be right!" But you just kept going b/c you didn't know what else to do, and you were invested in it, and you didn't want to let people down? Were there other things you KNEW you were better at, had more affinity for, but you desperately needed the job? Did it just all seem so complicated?

Anyone have doubts like that in nursing school, but just kept going anyway? And now you have survived becoming a nurse and years later, still love it?

PS. It's not patient care that I feel funny with. It's Nursing Culture (perfect!! SuperNurse!! Achieve!! BetterBetter Best!) and feeling like I don't fit into it..I'm artistic and introverted and very deep. It all seems more like an extrovert's game. Is this just nursing school?

I do like patient care.

Happy nurses: do any of you see yourself in me?

It's not just about becoming trained so I can get a "job." My decision to do this was the product of some profound spiritual logic in the center of my soul that took many years to unfold. Yes, the status of the professional role appeals to me, but the BS of it repels me. And more importantly, underneath all that, I associate nursing with service and humility, bordering on religiousity... and the hyper-reality of--(...god?...). Which is what I think my deepest self is after.... It IS complicated for me. Strong egos are rewarded in thenursing school environment. Maybe the nursing school experience is forcing me to confront my ego? I feel so invisible, so insecure...in my former job, which I was very good at, my ego was absolutely fed. Comfort zone all the way... Yeah, this IS therapy stuff, I know...but I want to hear from nurses.

What do y'all say? Hold the snark, b/c it is really scary to ask this.

Well, I just had a procedure done in a magnet hospital, and perfect the nurses were not! I realized after I left that the nurse who took care of me did zero teaching before I was discharged--I didn't even know whether or not I had stitches from my tubal ligation. I had to look! And it was such a mess down there I couldn't tell what was going on, lol...point is, even the nurses in the hospitals considered the best aren't perfect. Neither are us students. The gift is when someone recognizes our strengths, and its really great when they let you know.

A couple days ago, my lab instructor told me she's always glad to see me, it made me feel so good!

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It's very encouraging. I had a clinical instructor my junior year who was so hard on all of us in the beginning that I went home crying. During my clinical evaluation, she said that I was very hard-working, she loved that I took initiative, that she saw how self-motivated I was and if there's anything she could tell me it was to keep it up. She was the first person in 2 years to encourage that in me and that made me feel very good and after that clinical, I decided that who I was would be okay for this profession.

Thanks zephyr for starting this thread, btw. I've thought about this question a lot.

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Thanks to you too! That validation must have felt good, a little goes a long way when it comes to instructors.

I love this board!

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I don't have serious doubts about if this was what I was really meant to do, but I do have doubts about being able to remember everything and scared to death about failing.

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I thought I was going I love nursing, and I'm a very hard worker... However, I got my first job as a new grad in a transitional care facility. I care for 15+ patients 3-11. I was hired with one of my classmates. The DON called me into her office a few weeks after we started orientation and said to me "your friend isn't doing as well as you are!" I was horrified that she told me this. Then she asked if I wanted 32 or 40 hours. With a son at home I asked I if I could first try 40 hours and if fit got to too much I would go down to 32. She said fine. When I asked to go down to 32. She cut my shift by 2 hours, which gave me 30 hours for a five day week. She said it was because of the census and if I chose to go down to 32 I would loose my position. So I started applying o other places, one of them was the se company but a hospital setting. They seemed very interested, and suddenly told me their positions were filled. So I began to wonder of maybe they sabotaged me by giving a bad reference. So I had my husband call pretending he was hr from a local hospital-- I know, crazy-- he ended up getting the secretary and didn't speak to the manager. But the next day I got a phone call from her saying " I'm a bit confused, are you quitting? Because I took you in as a new grad and I don't want to get screwed." I was horrified. How unprofessional, first of all I would obviously give a notice if I were quitting. Second, I have the right to better my situation-- as of now I see my son for max one hour m-f. She is makin me feel so guilty. I feel like I'm stuck there! If a better position comes along, I'm afraid she will deliberately sabotage any opportunity I get. They are very unprofessional there and I feel like I screwed myself by starting my career there. What do I do!?

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

I'll describe nursing as a like being in boot camp

(I come from a military dominated family)...you start out as a private, but if you find what fits while you are true to yourself you will be a Five Star General in this profession by being true to yourself. I'm pretty extroverted, but I was mainly introverted as a child, but when I saw unfairness, the extrovert was born in me. Introversion is an asset in this profession-you will be in touch with the WHY-why is this pt, doctor, nurse, or family is behaving that way...you will be able to identify when someone needs pain med, or pay attention a myriad of things. Although I'm mainly extroverted now (and that came from 30 years of lessons learned personally) my introversion has helped me investigate and helped my patients out in the long run.

PS. Those cut throat "alpha nurses" are FALSE EXTROVERTS IMO...a TRUE nurse extrovert is a CHEERLEADER, and confidant, and a SUPPORTER in ALL nurses! ?

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.
I thought I was going I love nursing and I'm a very hard worker... However, I got my first job as a new grad in a transitional care facility. I care for 15+ patients 3-11. I was hired with one of my classmates. The DON called me into her office a few weeks after we started orientation and said to me "your friend isn't doing as well as you are!" I was horrified that she told me this. Then she asked if I wanted 32 or 40 hours. With a son at home I asked I if I could first try 40 hours and if fit got to too much I would go down to 32. She said fine. When I asked to go down to 32. She cut my shift by 2 hours, which gave me 30 hours for a five day week. She said it was because of the census and if I chose to go down to 32 I would loose my position. So I started applying o other places, one of them was the se company but a hospital setting. They seemed very interested, and suddenly told me their positions were filled. So I began to wonder of maybe they sabotaged me by giving a bad reference. So I had my husband call pretending he was hr from a local hospital-- I know, crazy-- he ended up getting the secretary and didn't speak to the manager. But the next day I got a phone call from her saying " I'm a bit confused, are you quitting? Because I took you in as a new grad and I don't want to get screwed." I was horrified. How unprofessional, first of all I would obviously give a notice if I were quitting. Second, I have the right to better my situation-- as of now I see my son for max one hour m-f. She is makin me feel so guilty. I feel like I'm stuck there! If a better position comes along, I'm afraid she will deliberately sabotage any opportunity I get. They are very unprofessional there and I feel like I screwed myself by starting my career there. What do I do!?[/quote']

Hugs!!!!

You are a new grad, which still gives you an advantage...utilize your instructors, and your nursing school as well. I avoided my manager to obtain the job I am leaving, by utilizing clinical instructors (most employees identify them as managers/supervisors), my co-worker who was a clinical coordinator and was my immediate supervisor. And although avoided sounds maybe cowardly to some people as a type, it's residual introversion. I wanted to spread my wings and for a better job. I'm a new grad myself, and I stayed at this facility so I could get the RN experience in acute care. And I kept looking and used other avenues. So keep looking, use your clinical instructors, gain your experience, and fly as a nurse. You are correct, you have a right to have the BEST nursing experience.

As for your nurse manager, she's right, she doesn't want to get screwed...could've said it better, but...*shrugs*...that's her way of communicating her own pressures of keeping her unit fully staffed, nothing against you, but when you are in a position of leadership, you have to make sure your unit is staffed appropriately, and can perform safely. If not, your unit budget takes a hit, which affects the facility and its funding, which determines whether you get more staffing, raises, etc...that's Nursing Leadership 101, and one the reasons I don't desire to be a nurse manager. So throw the boundary line in the sand. Keep working, keep looking, learn all you can possibly can, and you will find that opportunity on your terms.

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Yes indeed. Talents more worthy naturally to be a lawyer, or an actor. But that would have been too easy. Nursing includes these two talents and many more that I need to perfect in this life.

Nursing school brought me the murder of my husband, a case of newly acquired Herpes type 1

...(almost killed me, was sick for months and almost lost my eyesight), an engagement to a physician which I soon broke off (would of had to be HIS nurse), the struggles of raising a hurting son alone (and he turned out darn well, with lots of amazing counseling through the years re: the loss of dad)....and a point in nursing school when the professor tried to kick me out for not hanging a piggy back in clinicals..(which I DID but somehow SHE didn't write it on HER chart)....(she also didn't like my endless questions which she could not answer). I was not the only student she targeted with unprofessional treatment.

I challenged that legally, won, and recieved my last year in nursing school all expenses paid, watched that professor and the director get fired; and watched the entire program get reshaped with amazing faculty.

Did I wonder if God was trying to tell me that nursing was not for me? YES! But then, I just kept soldiering on because I felt this was all seasoning for being truly empathic and loving in nursing...despite all the tragedy.

My code name here is Nightengalegoddess.....not me....HER. Now SHE was someone who bucked the flow...how many challenges did she face?

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I love the great shares on this. Please keep on.

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Seriously I could totally relate. I'm also having doubts whether nursing is my true calling. These days I've been reflecting and trying to figure out what I really want to do for the rest of my life. Hopefully in time I'd be able to find my niche. I hope you find yours as well! :)

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I agree with what many of you have expressed! I have also had a lot of doubts about my choice of this profession for a variety of reasons. But when I'm working and it's just me and my patients, I really enjoy nursing. Do I feel I made the right decision to go into nursing? So far, no, and every day I wish I'd chosen another field. But, I also don't think I've found my niche. That being said, I also have enough good days that I know the right job would change my desire to continue in nursing. That, and some nicer coworkers...

Seriously I could totally relate. I'm also having doubts whether nursing is my true calling. These days I've been reflecting and trying to figure out what I really want to do for the rest of my life. Hopefully in time I'd be able to find my niche. I hope you find yours as well! :)

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I can relate to this. It helps to distance yourself, stand strong, put people in their place politely when they act out, and if the culture of your unit condones accepts or encourages this kind of behavior you can stop putting up with it by moving on. I left and went to float team and have never been happier. Now I work almost all of my shifts with a majority of deeply empathetic, wise nurses WITH those soft skills nursing school can't teach.

Oh, and the girl who tried to sabotage my externship in nursing school failed the NCLEX twice and got booted from her internship job. Those who aggressively place themselves on pedestals above us "plebeians" confuse me... why do they want to be nurses? Nothing wrong with taking NCLEX until you pass, but when you approach our instructor and say that their placement for me is a mistake... well... how do you want me to respond? lol Keep your humor and enjoy the work. Venting at work always makes it worse. Find someone who laughs with you.

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