Anyone had serious doubts...about nursing and about self? - page 3

by zephyr9 11,951 Views | 34 Comments

Doubts that went to your core and haunted you relentlessly through nursing school about whether this was what you were really meant to do? So much so that you said, "Well, if I'm in THIS much doubt it can't be right!" But you... Read More


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    Are we also twinsies? I'm also an introvert, and sometimes in nursing school I've been "why am I here again? Can I hack this?
    Can I really connect with my patients?" But every time I doubt myself, an introverted instructor or a patient magically pops up and
    re-affirms my belief that yes, we can't all be super-leaders/Batman. There are those of us whose tendencies to listen, observe, and
    reflect will be rewarded and appreciated, we just need the right environment to utilize those skills.
    zephyr9 likes this.
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    Quote from zephyr9

    PS. It's not patient care that I feel funny with. It's Nursing Culture (perfect!! SuperNurse!! Achieve!! BetterBetter Best!) and feeling like I don't fit into it..I'm artistic and introverted and very deep. It all seems more like an extrovert's game. Is this just nursing school?
    I do like patient care.
    No, it's not just nursing school. This kind of BS continues in the hospital. Extroverts are dominant in the hospital too. I think you might like psych nursing, or counseling, or something along those lines. You sound like you connect with patients well, and maybe it would be best if you found a nursing job where you actually can connect with your patients. The hospital is just NOT the place.
    Kashia and zephyr9 like this.
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    Quote from zephyr9
    Doubts that went to your core and haunted you relentlessly through nursing school about whether this was what you were really meant to do? So much so that you said, "Well, if I'm in THIS much doubt it can't be right!" But you just kept going b/c you didn't know what else to do, and you were invested in it, and you didn't want to let people down? Were there other things you KNEW you were better at, had more affinity for, but you desperately needed the job? Did it just all seem so complicated?

    Anyone have doubts like that in nursing school, but just kept going anyway? And now you have survived becoming a nurse and years later, still love it?

    PS. It's not patient care that I feel funny with. It's Nursing Culture (perfect!! SuperNurse!! Achieve!! BetterBetter Best!) and feeling like I don't fit into it..I'm artistic and introverted and very deep. It all seems more like an extrovert's game. Is this just nursing school?
    I do like patient care.

    Happy nurses: do any of you see yourself in me?

    It's not just about becoming trained so I can get a "job." My decision to do this was the product of some profound spiritual logic in the center of my soul that took many years to unfold. Yes, the status of the professional role appeals to me, but the BS of it repels me. And more importantly, underneath all that, I associate nursing with service and humility, bordering on religiousity... and the hyper-reality of--(...god?...). Which is what I think my deepest self is after.... It IS complicated for me. Strong egos are rewarded in thenursing school environment. Maybe the nursing school experience is forcing me to confront my ego? I feel so invisible, so insecure...in my former job, which I was very good at, my ego was absolutely fed. Comfort zone all the way... Yeah, this IS therapy stuff, I know...but I want to hear from nurses.

    What do y'all say? Hold the snark, b/c it is really scary to ask this.

    It's okay to not fit in to nursing culture. It's not for everyone. Don't let the pressure for climbing up the corporate ladder get to you.
    Last edit by TheCommuter on Sep 21, '12 : Reason: TOS
    zephyr9 likes this.
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    Yeah, I do/did. I haven't graduated yet, but I remember freshman and sophomore year (I'm a senior now), I dreaded the culture because it seemed very cliquish. I use to come home every day telling my mom that I felt like I was in grade 13 and 14. I wanted a certain level of independence that I felt I wasn't getting by being around my peers because they always stressed a kind of team work that didn't....it seemed excessive and bordering on group think. I'm all for working together and I'm good with team work, but I need to feel like I'm able to contribute using my own individual skills and talents, which often felt discouraged. What they wanted went above and beyond what I felt was appropriate for me and I felt really terrible. I felt like they were asking me to cut myself off from myself and I'm not willing to do that. It wasn't until I got into the hospital and saw all these other amazing nurses who had a voice of their own and who weren't all extraverted, cliqu-ish people that I felt better about my choice. It wasn't about "nursing". It was about the people who took on the role.

    The doubts I have now aren't about the other nurses that I'll be working with but with administration. I'm going to be a new nurse, I won't know everything off the top of my head or be able to rattle off all information from memory or experience. I've seen the "Best, Best, Best!" standard glorified at the hospital I work at and I know it'll pull me in a direction I don't want to go. Science and math have always been my hardest subjects, but I like this field and the opportunities I envision it provides and feel I can contribute something good to it. But I'm in nursing school now and I admit that I can't recall everything I've learned in the last 3-4 years. But I'm learning as I go and I know I'll get better. I just don't know if I'll be able to handle the business personalities I run into.
    zephyr9 likes this.
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    Well, I just had a procedure done in a magnet hospital, and perfect the nurses were not! I realized after I left that the nurse who took care of me did zero teaching before I was discharged--I didn't even know whether or not I had stitches from my tubal ligation. I had to look! And it was such a mess down there I couldn't tell what was going on, lol...point is, even the nurses in the hospitals considered the best aren't perfect. Neither are us students. The gift is when someone recognizes our strengths, and its really great when they let you know.
    A couple days ago, my lab instructor told me she's always glad to see me, it made me feel so good!
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    It's very encouraging. I had a clinical instructor my junior year who was so hard on all of us in the beginning that I went home crying. During my clinical evaluation, she said that I was very hard-working, she loved that I took initiative, that she saw how self-motivated I was and if there's anything she could tell me it was to keep it up. She was the first person in 2 years to encourage that in me and that made me feel very good and after that clinical, I decided that who I was would be okay for this profession.

    Thanks zephyr for starting this thread, btw. I've thought about this question a lot.
    zephyr9 likes this.
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    Thanks to you too! That validation must have felt good, a little goes a long way when it comes to instructors.
    I love this board!
    Soliloquy likes this.
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    I donít have serious doubts about if this was what I was really meant to do, but I do have doubts about being able to remember everything and scared to death about failing.
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    I thought I was going I love nursing, and I'm a very hard worker... However, I got my first job as a new grad in a transitional care facility. I care for 15+ patients 3-11. I was hired with one of my classmates. The DON called me into her office a few weeks after we started orientation and said to me "your friend isn't doing as well as you are!" I was horrified that she told me this. Then she asked if I wanted 32 or 40 hours. With a son at home I asked I if I could first try 40 hours and if fit got to too much I would go down to 32. She said fine. When I asked to go down to 32. She cut my shift by 2 hours, which gave me 30 hours for a five day week. She said it was because of the census and if I chose to go down to 32 I would loose my position. So I started applying o other places, one of them was the se company but a hospital setting. They seemed very interested, and suddenly told me their positions were filled. So I began to wonder of maybe they sabotaged me by giving a bad reference. So I had my husband call pretending he was hr from a local hospital-- I know, crazy-- he ended up getting the secretary and didn't speak to the manager. But the next day I got a phone call from her saying " I'm a bit confused, are you quitting? Because I took you in as a new grad and I don't want to get screwed." I was horrified. How unprofessional, first of all I would obviously give a notice if I were quitting. Second, I have the right to better my situation-- as of now I see my son for max one hour m-f. She is makin me feel so guilty. I feel like I'm stuck there! If a better position comes along, I'm afraid she will deliberately sabotage any opportunity I get. They are very unprofessional there and I feel like I screwed myself by starting my career there. What do I do!?
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    I'll describe nursing as a like being in boot camp
    (I come from a military dominated family)...you start out as a private, but if you find what fits while you are true to yourself you will be a Five Star General in this profession by being true to yourself. I'm pretty extroverted, but I was mainly introverted as a child, but when I saw unfairness, the extrovert was born in me. Introversion is an asset in this profession-you will be in touch with the WHY-why is this pt, doctor, nurse, or family is behaving that way...you will be able to identify when someone needs pain med, or pay attention a myriad of things. Although I'm mainly extroverted now (and that came from 30 years of lessons learned personally) my introversion has helped me investigate and helped my patients out in the long run.

    PS. Those cut throat "alpha nurses" are FALSE EXTROVERTS IMO...a TRUE nurse extrovert is a CHEERLEADER, and confidant, and a SUPPORTER in ALL nurses! 😄


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