[sAs luck would have it I missed my name and ended up at the end of the list. As I sat on the cold floor I tried to stay clam. As girls rushed by in racking sobs and the men tried to show no emotion it finally got to me. My hands had started to shake. The girl next to me was white as death and I tried to calm her but we were to close and could still hear all the sobbing and sickness of the ones that went before us. For some reason a movie popped into my head about the Jews being chosen for the train to the concentration camps and families were being separated. I can't recall the name of the movie but the sobbing is what reminded me of it in the first place. I tried to shake that thought after all we are in America and atrocities like that don't occur here. We have learned from history never to give one person the power to destroy others lives.
It was my turn and I started to run the other way but this had to be done. How bad could it be I had passed every test? Loved my time at the nursing home and had done a good job. There was no way I could be kicked to the ground now. I opened the door and sat down. A sheet of paper was handed to me. As I scanned the numbers everything looked okay and then I saw the 73. What is this? It is your pharmacology grade. I remember saying no, and the rest is a blank. Out of instinct I made it home and the realization of what had happened did not hit me until hours later. I was not to be consoled. I wept as though I had just lost a loved one. For three days I could not sleep. There had to be a mistake. As I wept and begged for mercy I was told I had missed a math problem and that was why I would not be allowed to continue on. This is not your average nursing school but one where the decision of one person decides your future. One person that lacks the ability to choose the best person but chooses instead the person she personally is impressed with. Nursing actually has nothing to do with it. I had to learn that the hard way.
I had seen others bring gifts and food to the school. That I would not do. I felt that doing something so obvious to get the teacher to like you was below the standards of what a professional should do. I had taken several of the younger students under my wing and advised them not to purchase expensive gifts for the instructor. Did I tell them wrong? Did I rob them of a career? I am still filled with doubt and guilt. One of "my girls" had a 95 average and failed the same course as I. What is going on? This is 2002; prejudice is not a factor when it comes to nursing. Surely an institution that taught nursing would not be prejudice and seeking favors from an instructor was out of the question.
How this institution came to be run by only one individual is something that I still do not understand. She single handedly got rid of over 50% of my class. Of course there were some that were not serious and would never make good nurses. Overall though we were a dedicated bunch and after the time we spent at the nursing home we knew nursing was what we were meant to do.
I gave all I had and because of math error I am no longer able to continue with my dream. Why is there a shortage of nurses? From where I am I can honestly say that one woman singly handedly got rid of some very caring and compassionate women and men who were striving to attain our goal of helping others. Would they have made caring professionals? Yes they would have. I was there and I witnessed students that never acted unprofessional, never missed a class and made excellent grades. As I said before we were a determined and dedicated bunch! How can one woman decide the fate of other? I have no answer to that question neither do I have the answer how a girl with the highest average got kicked out of the program.
Many have decided not to pursue a career in nursing, I am still uncertain myself. Being a single mom I can't afford to buy expensive gifts and it is below my standards to forgo knowledge and be passed on what favors I have done. Yes I am bitter and yes I feel cheated not only for myself but all the others as well. We are still not able to condole each other our emotions are too raw our souls to bruised.
It breaks my heart to hear of nurses having more patients than they should have on a shift, I gave all I had to be with you and help relieve your burden. Because I made a mistake on a math problem my future is on hold. I don't want pity, yes math is important in nursing I understand that. I also understand why we have a shortage of nurses and why patients are the ones suffering. We should never allow one person to have the power to decide the fate of others. Is that person knowledgeable, prejudice, easily swayed by a gift? The problem is not that we do not want to be good nurses the problem is in our schools where grades, dedication, and knowledge have nothing to do with who gets to pursue their dreams.
Nikita
-In no way did my experience compare to the suffering and heartache of the Holocaust. The halls echoed with the sobbing and it reminded me of a heartbreaking movie I had seen.
-After I asked for mercy and a review of my scores by three others my grade suddenly went from a 73 to a posted term grade of D.
