Nurses struggling with mental illness

Nurses Disabilities

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I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.

Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.

Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"

I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.

I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.

Severina

Specializes in PACU, HIGH RISK OB, EARLY CVTRANSPLANT.

It is I that should thank you, Laura, You've made me feel much better, too.:yeah: It's been a while and I'm working on getting back out in the workforce in another part of the state away from where I've b:yeah:een living for years and seeing if I can get back into the nursing workforce in a better and a little slower paced living atmosphere that I've had for the last 25 years of my life. It feels good to be able to help out. You know that's a lot of why many of us who have been nurses as long as I have got into this business is because it is a "feel good" profession that's why and I haven't had much opportunity to practice much of that since I was forced to retire a year ago and this is kind of like a "fix" for me, so I have to thank you, too. Actually, nursing has been as much a part of my cognitive therapy as anything else I did in my life, it was a positive thing I did everyday that I could use to build my self esteem when I was feeling down and struggling with self esteem issues as anyone with depression knows is a huge part of it. Unreasonable feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness. But when those feelings would start to come I would just make myself think about everything I had done that day or that week and I couldn't ignore what it was I had done regardless of outcome. I have a book at home that lists what each procedure and what each medication, each IV, how each vital sign, etc, benefits the patient, in almost every scenario, it took me year of jotting notes then rewriting in legible writing and organizing it into a form where I could find everything easily to refer to it, and I would use it frequently as a tool to sort of knock some sense into myself (into my head with it) using it when I would start feeling blue:uhoh3: It has always worked and of course, when patients or family says "thank you" that leaves me walking on air for days, just knowing you've made someone feel better always is the best medicine. I sure didn't become an RN to become rich and famous, HA! When I graduated, we were paid $4.50/hour, and I think I made a gross income of around $8800 year until 1980 or so before nurses salaries started to rise. Now if you really wanted to get me laughing I would start telling you about what being an RN was like when I first got into health care at 14 in 1969 as a CNA working after school and weekends. Boy, could I tell you some good ones!:jester: You just hang in there, sister! Keep looking for things to laugh about and things will be okay! Remember this monkey on your back is just that. It's a monkey that's all. You've got it on a leash, all you have to do is hang on and keep it tight and don't let go. It can be tamed. A you can even make it funny if you keep your wits about yourself. Just be careful and know all you can, work with someone who know how to work with that monkey as well as you do yourself. Then find people who won't be frightened of the monkey and the occasional time it misbehaves or acts as if it might, but don't try to force your "monkey" on everyone, be discerning who you introduce this little friend of yours who lives with you, that's all.

Specializes in Hospice/Home Health/Med Surg/Rehab.

I am so glad I met you too. I have only been confronted with horribly mean, incompetent nurses who will do anything to throw you under the bus. People I love say I am a miracle and that I have survived this long in this field is awsome.

You know I don't look at it that way. It is in my heart and soul to be a good nurse, and just having a new friend who validates me and understands what I am going through is so great.

Now why I am up at 2:30 am is part of my disease, I have a hard time sleeping and I don't like taking the medicaiton to sleep but I have to get some rest like you said.

Just remember there is a plan for all of us, and He only knows what it will be.

Talking to you and others have made me feel like I can let go and let Hime. I am a control freak and have to get out behind the wheel of my life. I keep trying. I have no choice now.

I was writing a thank you note to the people who interviewed me today and even though I don't know the outcome, I had such a good feeling with this company, and I am begging God to give me a chance.

We just have to remember to treat ourselves gentle. I really think that with our disease we have learned to fight and do life the right way. We have been thru so much and just like I met such a kind person like you. I feel He is telling "see you are not alone and there are really good caring nurses out there."

You had me hysterical when you were telling me what you had to do in the early years.. :) I was a CNA in 1967 thru 1969, and although I didn't become a nurse right away, I always loved nursing.

Hey remember those days, nurses smoked at the desk. I can tell you really funny stories also, lets share. ok... But got to go to bed.

I AM WRITING BIG BECAUSE I NEED HELP WITH ANSWERING A NURSE WHO WROTE ME A PRIVATE NOTE. SHE WANTS TO SHARE PRIVATELY. When her note came up, I can't find the things to answer her. Can you tell me what to do.

Oh and my name is Laura what is yours. Thanks friend and we will talk some more. You made my day...

Specializes in PACU, HIGH RISK OB, EARLY CVTRANSPLANT.

My name is Cindy. I'm not sure how we can connect offsite. This is my first day on this website. But yes, I would like to connect to share with you and help anyway I can.

Specializes in Medical and general practice now LTC.

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Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..

Wow it is great to see so many responses here! yee haw!

What is ECT if you don't mind me asking?

I think this is what they mean Electroconvulsive therapy

Yep Electroconvulsive therapy, or what some call "shock therapy", electrodes are applied to certain parts of the head and a mild electric shock is given. It is a procedure as old as the hills but I'm told it is much better recently and quite effective. I was in an intractable depression at the time, I think. I declined that treatment, got out of that depression, and have not had depression to that extent since, thank God!

As an RN with 40 years in health care, 34+ as an RN and being a diagnosed bipolar type II with generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD (Bipolar disease--Major Depressive Type originally diagnosed in 1974), I will caution you, be careful how outspoken you are about your mental health condition... I'm now on disability though there's no reason I couldn't work. It's just word got out about my mental health disorder. I reacted badly at my mother's death bed.. So tread carefully when telling anyone about any impairment you might have, not just mental, but physical. Especially in this economic world we live in. Or you too, might go from a fairly well paid professional to a disabled person whose income barely meets the federal poverty income level for a single person.

Glad to hear from you and so sorry how this happened to you :( I'm glad you got to enjoy a long and successful career, you worked hard to be able to stay there. Kudos!

... we respect each other and nothing goes unless we both agree. Sometimes that takes some persuasion on one side or the other, but that's a good thing because it makes for a better patient AND a better doctor because we both are listening and learning.

I've been able to develop this kind of relationship with my doctor too. :) Sometimes to my detriment because I have said in the past, this is what I will and won't do, will you be there for me anyway? But he has stuck w/ me despite some poor judgments. This is such a wonderful thing though and he is the reason I did not burn my bridges with him and my counselor when I went off meds (against his advice but with his help and supervision). Short story is, I did it, had a good experience for about a year, then the last 6 months were more work to stay stable than it should have been, I suffered unnecessarily. I am glad I am back on meds now even tho I hate it :)

Keep writing, you guys!

Specializes in Hospice/Home Health/Med Surg/Rehab.

Cindy, I am loosing my job.

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
Cindy, I am loosing my job.

I am sad to hear this. Hopefully this is just temporary or maybe God has a better plan. I have lost many jobs and again not working but I have hope I will be happily - ish employed somewhere soon!

Take care Laura!

Specializes in Hospice/Home Health/Med Surg/Rehab.

Thanks, right now I just have to take it a day at a time. God does have a plan, and I am just trying to hold on my sanity. You hang in there also.

Specializes in PACU, HIGH RISK OB, EARLY CVTRANSPLANT.

Laura,

No matter what happen to you in this job, remember what you bring to the world around you is of great value. I just met you and I know that. Don't let what happened to me color what is happening to you right now. I have made a lot of progress since I hit that bottom spot where you seem to feel you are falling toward right now. This is the time to reach out to others especially within this community of nurses who are like you and me and I keep seeing so many others which brings me so much hope for our future, Laura. Just think of it! Really, a letter from an old blue hair like me has brought the response like this! And us together! What a miracle! God is real! Laura, I'm crying as I type this, please don't give up. Not now. :redpinkhe If for no one else than for me, please I need to be needed. It's been a while for me to feel I've been a positive impact on others. You are still needed too, just like me. God has a plan for each of us. Sometimes we forget, but if we remain patient and compliant, always compliant, eventually He does answer. You just have to stay receptive and not pull back inside so much you can't reach out to find you way or find the helping hand that's here, right here to grasp. Laura, I'm here. Maybe, not privately. And perhaps that is best right now. I think we both know you are in a crisis. Please, Laura I beg you, get help now! Call your doctor and get a friend, someone to be with you, physically. NOW. For me. I'm worried. Cindy,:confused::redbeathe:crying2:

Specializes in Hospice/Home Health/Med Surg/Rehab.

I am so appreciative of your support and encouragement, but just let me write you in a while and right now I have to just relax. I will talk to you later.

I am okay, don't worry, I have a lot to tell you, just been on the phone and talking to people all day. I am so happy you came in my life.

Bless you Cindy (another angel sent to me and I am blessed) Meeting you is not an accident. That is how God works.

I will write later, thanks Cindy

Specializes in PACU, HIGH RISK OB, EARLY CVTRANSPLANT.

Actually, ECT is still used quite a bit. It is used in various inpatient & outpatient settings to treat intractable depression. It appears that it's value lies in making the brain neurotransmitter receptor centers more sensitive to pharmaceutical intervention, kind of akin to rebooting a computer, in a very crude sense, as no one really knows why this works. It just does. There are some side effects, slight short term memory deficits than may become worse with successive rounds of this therapy, headache, sleepiness, there seems to be little else except what would be expected in any other very short outpatient short case OR procedure.

Specializes in Hospice/Home Health/Med Surg/Rehab.

Hi Cindy: Well, you made me cry with happy tears, really understanding everything you said. I can reassure you that I will never do anything to hurt myself. Like I said I have been so much worse that this is nothing, and to take my life or spiral down because of these incompetent people, who think nothing of ruining your life, not backing a nurse up and not having the support from a doctor who gave me the order and denying it to protect himself, is just not worth any waste of my time. I said to my mom and my brother, if by any chance I was to loose my license, which I know I wont unless they decide to report this to the board, I will give up my license and go back to school for a better career. I was always wanting to work with animals, or get a degree in physical therapy. I loved school and I am half way there to be a physical therapist. What ever, I have to refocus and see what the outcome is and then start a plan. I have decided to sell everything here in AZ and move back East closer with my family. My brother has a beautiful home which he will rent me for very little. I just want to be closer to my family. Although they are dysfunctional, they are good to me. Especially my brothers.

I just cannot believe that my boss has not gotten back to me today like she said, when I last spoke to her she pretty much said they might let me go. No word. But I am not calling them again, they can let me know when they want. I already made up my mind I would never go back there. It is do dangerous for my health and my career. That is if I still have one :) See I am smiling. I called my boss yesterday to ask her my shift when she told me what is going on, never did she think of calling to tell me, and now she said she would call me later and hasn't. I don't think there is a reason to call them again, do you?

I am feeling so much better, between you lovely notes and my family and friends, I am heading in the right direction. So tell me what you think about them and should I just sit on my hands. Everyone says don't call them, let them call you and tell you. Everyone says don't try to prove anything to them, and be polite and just get off the phone. Let me know Cindy.

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