Nurses struggling with mental illness

Nurses Disabilities

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I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.

Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.

Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"

I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.

I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.

Severina

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
So during my physical everything came out, and I have to see a caseworker at the hospital. The NP assured me it's standard procedure for anyone with any psych issues, won't affect my job, etc. I have to have my own psychiatrist fill out some form to bring in to her. Funny thing is - none of my meds showed up on the drug test - not the Adderall (amphetamine) Klonopin (benzo) or Norco (opioid). Not just "oh, we know you're taking this so it's okay" but actually negative. Weirdos.

Lol, that IS strange that they didn't show up in your blood! Maybe you are not taking them, except in heaven where you got the flower (sorry - I have a bad sense of humor :trout: )

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Elizabells}}}}}}}}}}

Specializes in NICU.
Lol, that IS strange that they didn't show up in your blood! Maybe you are not taking them, except in heaven where you got the flower (sorry - I have a bad sense of humor :trout: )

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Elizabells}}}}}}}}}}

And you know, seeing the caseworker doesn't bother me in and of itself, I think it's wise to make sure everyone with a problem is supervised, it's just that it's one more damn hassle. I have to be super careful how much alcohol I drink or my meds make me really sick, I can't just spend the night at my aunt's house if it gets late if I don't have my meds, I have to freakin explain why I take pills if ever I spend the night with anyone, I spend over 100 bucks a month on meds, I have to carve time out of my life for therapy, and (this is the worst) can't ever be happy or have energy without worrying that I'm getting manic. I'm just so tired of it.

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
And you know, seeing the caseworker doesn't bother me in and of itself, I think it's wise to make sure everyone with a problem is supervised, it's just that it's one more damn hassle. I have to be super careful how much alcohol I drink or my meds make me really sick, I can't just spend the night at my aunt's house if it gets late if I don't have my meds, I have to freakin explain why I take pills if ever I spend the night with anyone, I spend over 100 bucks a month on meds, I have to carve time out of my life for therapy, and (this is the worst) can't ever be happy or have energy without worrying that I'm getting manic. I'm just so tired of it.

Yes yes yes to your whole post! But the part I most relate to is that last sentence, "can't ever be happy or have energy without worrying that I'm getting manic" - WOW - either that or if I AM happy, having someone ELSE question it! Grrrr! Constantly questioning myself so I can never just BE!

Added to that - in my family if I was happy then I was doing something wrong and had better DO something (ie a chore or something) because there was no good reason to be happy. It wasn't allowed. Mom or whoever was miserable therefore I should be. This contriubutes to my isolation - mom says don't be happy, dad says don't be happy, my illness says, well what the heck ARE you???

And of course I also agree that "I'm just so tired of it". Mood wise I am doing ok, more on the depressed (low energy and staying home more) side - still not working (and kudos to you for doing so!)

xoxo

ps have you ever heard of "Bipolar Happens" by Julie Fast? If you do a search on the internet you can find out more. She has a system of health cards (similar to our "care plans") for helping manage bipolar illness. I've been able to use some of her strategies. If you want copies of some of it let me know!

Specializes in NICU.
Yes yes yes to your whole post! But the part I most relate to is that last sentence, "can't ever be happy or have energy without worrying that I'm getting manic" - WOW - either that or if I AM happy, having someone ELSE question it! Grrrr! Constantly questioning myself so I can never just BE!

Oh, the BEST is when you go in to see your psych/therapist and are all "so, things are going well, I'm not so depressed, actually I'm feeling pretty good" and they start in with the "oh, well, we have to be very careful..." I wish I could just be HAPPY without having to second-guess it. You know, I'm moving out of a scary neighborhood to a great one, just got my dream job, have a wonderful boyfriend, and I'd really like to be able to enjoy it! Don't get too happy, Eliza, cause you're daaaaaaangerous to yourself when you're too happy...

ps have you ever heard of "Bipolar Happens" by Julie Fast? If you do a search on the internet you can find out more. She has a system of health cards (similar to our "care plans") for helping manage bipolar illness. I've been able to use some of her strategies. If you want copies of some of it let me know!

Ooooh, I'll look that up, thank you!

Fun fact of the day: one of the things I have to bring to the caseworker is a form from my psychiatrist saying that I may be crazy, but not dangerous crazy. You know, no SI/HI, not a danger to myself or others. My boyfriend thinks it's hilarious that I have to get a "not overly crazy" excuse note.

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
...Don't get too happy, Eliza, cause you're daaaaaaangerous to yourself when you're too happy...

...My boyfriend thinks it's hilarious that I have to get a "not overly crazy" excuse note.

These two statements made me laugh - I hear ya! "Dear Teacher, please allow Eliza to attend classes today - she is "not overly crazy"...

Well at least the BF thinks it's funny! sigh... and most of the time I can laugh at myself... but I think one of the main reasons I don't work nowadays is I just can't bear to be seen when I "can't pretend" I'm ok :nono: (now when I am ACTUALLY ok, that's fine! ... Oh, you probably know what I mean...)

Friends,

It is not just nurses suffering from depression and mental illness. It is our entire American society. I really do not know why. I was discussing this with a friend who is writing a dissertation. We were trying to figure out why so many people are depressed. I am included, myself. I feel mine is somewhat chemical with a touch of sad (even when the weather is warm but it is cloudy). I have read that we are the most depressed people on earth. For the life of me, I have trouble figuring it out!

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
Friends,

It is not just nurses suffering from depression and mental illness. It is our entire American society. I really do not know why. I was discussing this with a friend who is writing a dissertation. We were trying to figure out why so many people are depressed. I am included, myself. I feel mine is somewhat chemical with a touch of sad (even when the weather is warm but it is cloudy). I have read that we are the most depressed people on earth. For the life of me, I have trouble figuring it out!

I have some THOUGHTS about it - but they are just my own. I think our expectations of 'the good life' are different from our folks'. The media and our general materialism makes us think that "things", the right guy/girl (and dump that person if they end up "wrong"), the right house, money, trips, etc etc etc ...

Plus there is the decline in our morality, and increased dependence upon ourselves instead of God - well - but since I "know" all these things - why do I still get mentally ill LOL. I do need to say that the last 7 or 8 months have been better and I partly attribute that to my full cooperation with God and having found a good church - and probably a good mix of meds as well, WHO KNOWS!

Well anyway here is a present for you to cheer up your day :biggringi -- and (if it's ok) bless you :)

Specializes in LTC.

I worked very hard to become a nurse and then left it when my illness (bi-polar, mostly with severe depression) overwhelmed me during my first months of practice. Though I regret letting my license lapse now, I know I could reinstate and try to start again......but I'm scared to try.

Where I live, jobs are very scarce and Long Term Care is about the only type of nursing for an LPN. I applied at the hospitals, clinics, and such at first but no one wanted a brand new LPN (as most of my classmates discovered) except the nursing homes. I love older people but I felt very chaotic, rushed, overworked, completely stressed out every single day. I could never pass my meds on time. Everyone seemed so, I don't know, so unfeeling and distant to the old people in their care. I felt like my job was just shoving pills into someone's mouth or feeding tube and hurrying out and on to the next one. Everyone I've spoken to tells me this is LTC nursing and you have to be hard or you'll never make it. Is this true? Or is this just my mind taking in information and processing it incorrectly?

Did I let my illness overwhelm me or is this what other people find when they begin nursing in LTC?

Peace,

Kathi9

this helps alot reading this. my mom is in absolute denial of being bipolar, schizophrenic. she thinks having a mental disorder affects her intelligience for some reason. in other words, she cannot be intelligent and have a mental disorder. and then i watch a movie like "a beautiful mind" and it makes me realize that she is wrong. we dont talk about it, the "b" word. she wont take her meds, she has been picked up a couple times now by the police for being a danger to herself.

Zoe,

Thank you so much for your blessings. I think we all need them on some days. Life can be demanding and stressful!

Hugs,

Holly

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I worked very hard to become a nurse and then left it when my illness (bi-polar, mostly with severe depression) overwhelmed me during my first months of practice. Though I regret letting my license lapse now, I know I could reinstate and try to start again......but I'm scared to try....

Did I let my illness overwhelm me or is this what other people find when they begin nursing in LTC?

Peace,

Kathi9

Hi Kathi9

It must have been so hard for you (and for the poster who said she got sick 5 weeks before graduation) to have had to leave so soon after training! I have been angry, and disappointed, and sad, to have missed probably 6 years total of my 25 years since graduation. So I can only imagine :( Although I kinda knew even in nursing school that nursing was going to eat a huge hunk of my soul by its very nature (and because of my OWN nature! I knew even then!)>

Now I pretty much have decided I'm done with nursing. Not even sure if I will be able to WORK! grr...

Did you "let" your illness overwhelm you? I imagine you would have kept going if you'd been able to! And my counselor is always telling me, if there is any guilt or blame in my thoughts about myself - they are false. He says, "Would you blame yourself for diabetes, or for getting a broken leg?"

Well, YAH I would! LOLOL! EVERYthing is my fault!

Anyway - just do all you can today, and let tomorrow take care of itself, for "sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof" (Matthew 6:14). In other words, we have plenty enough to think about TODAY! :D And you are not at fault for where you are at.

Take care!

Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
this helps alot reading this. my mom is in absolute denial of being bipolar, schizophrenic. she thinks having a mental disorder affects her intelligience for some reason. in other words, she cannot be intelligent and have a mental disorder. and then i watch a movie like "a beautiful mind" and it makes me realize that she is wrong. we dont talk about it, the "b" word. she wont take her meds, she has been picked up a couple times now by the police for being a danger to herself.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{You and Mom}}}}}}}}}}}} Have you ever asked her to watch it with you? That is an AWESOME movie! or, if she likes to read, maybe she would be able to get more out of that.

There is a book called "An Unquiet Mind" by Kay Redfield Johnson, a psychiatrist who has bipolar illness (some pretty bad episodes I must say!) There is NO DOUBT as to the level of her intelligence - and she has learned, despite occasional relapses, how to manage her illness and still maintain her abilities and intelligent. It is an "easy" read in that it captivates you and inspires you

Try this link, if it doesn't work, just do a search on the title, either online or at your library - good luck! xo

http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0geuopf9chES4QByIhXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTE1MTQ3YmViBGNvbG8DZQRsA1dTMQRwb3MDMQRzZWMDc3IEdnRpZANERlgyXzk-/SIG=12nthr877/EXP=1154107103/**http%3a//www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0679763309%3fv=glance

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