The most outrageous excuses from patients.

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I know there are a lot of outrageous excuses from patients. Please share them!

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Specializes in Medsurg/ICU, Mental Health, Home Health.
Um, the words "cousin" and "slipped a vibrator" do NOT belong in the same sentence!!! And, in the belly? Really?

It was up his behind. And he supposedly awoke because of the vibrations going through to his stomach. Apparently his family liked to play jokes on one another. That is one family reunion that should be televised. ;)

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That is too funny. Whoops!!!!

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Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.

When questioned about a drug screen positive for cocaine, pt. states, "I must have gotten that off a toilet seat!" I replied, "Yeah, doing lines off a toilet seat." That got me a dirty look.

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"My father ran out of his BP pills, so he hasn't taken it in two months." I understand, I said, as the Doctor told you, his troponin is high, which is indicative of some cardiac damage. I was thinking to myself, you didn't bother to refill your father's (who lives with you) medication for two months, and caused him to have a heart attack, you jack a--.

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Specializes in ER.

"I don't know how the cocaine got into my system. Someone must have sprinkled it in my salad."

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