The most outrageous excuses from patients. - page 3

When questioned about a drug screen positive for cocaine, pt. states, "I must have gotten that off a toilet seat!" I replied, "Yeah, doing lines off a toilet seat." That got me a dirty look.

"My father ran out of his BP pills, so he hasn't taken it in two months." I understand, I said, as the Doctor told you, his troponin is high, which is indicative of some cardiac damage. I was thinking to myself, you didn't bother to refill your father's (who lives with you) medication for two months, and caused him to have a heart attack, you jack a--.

"I don't know how the cocaine got into my system. Someone must have sprinkled it in my salad."