Reported to TPAPN

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    I have been drinking more in the past couple of years to sleep at night. My husband wanted me to stop so I hid it. I never drink at work. Last week I was done at my clinic with patients and I went to the bathroom and drank some wine. My blood sugar is bad and I passed out. This was after work because I was waiting on the girl I carpool with. I dint want to drink at home where my husband would know. My NP colleague found me and called TPAPN that night. I am suspended from work pending a plan from them. This same NP just the week before tooka bottle of 1000 phenergan. Some retina face treatment and multiple other rx mods from our stock along with other runs and staff members. She said I should report anything but I did through an anonymous way to my work and mentioned no names. I feel she needed to report to my work but could have let them de IDE about tPAPN sine no pt were involved. I don't drink daily. I go weeks without drinking and then binge sometimes. I also had gastric bypass so two glasses of wine will put me under. ThAts ewhy drink to sleep. I have depression and have been seeing a doctor and have gone to some AA meetings. I recognize my problem and I'm working on it but this really makes my depression worse because now I can't work and we need the money.
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  4. 6 Comments so far...

  5. 4
    I will say this in the nicest way possible. Clearly you have an alcohol problem. First of all reading what you tried to post and making heads or tails out of it is almost impossible. Alcoholics hide their drinking, which you are doing. Drinking wine at work even if you don't have patients is not normal behavior. However it is the behavior of an alcoholic. Making multiple excuses for drinking is also a sign of an alcoholic. Most people dont have alcohol ready and available to bust out after clinic ends. I assume you don't go home and go straight to bed therefore that excuse is blown out by the drinking in the bathroom. Alcohol is not a sleep aid. It inhibits REM sleep as a matter of fact. It's your own fault you got reported. If the NP is taking things from the clinic and you're drinking in the bathroom and you both are telling on each other then it sounds like tit for tat. The NP should not be taking things but that has nothing to do with you passing out in the bathroom. Addicts make every excuse in the world and constantly blame others. Your post is full of that. You say you are working on your "problem" but it sure doesn't sound that way. You being suspended is a good thing because you are in no shape to play nurse right now. I believe you need to start with step one and own up to this. We have all been in denial at one time or another. You my friend are still in serious denial.

    We are here to help you but you must help yourself. Getting busted now will save you a ton of agony later....because trust me, it will get worse if you don't do this now. I am in no way judging you. Trust me, I've been in your shoes. Best of luck. You can beat this addiction.
    catmom1, poppycat, sallyrnrrt, and 1 other like this.
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    Excuse me who gave u a bitter pill. First off I resent the implication I was somehow impaired when I posted. I just don't use my IPad well and it autocorrects. I never at anytime denied I had a drinking problem. I have been admitting to myself, family , counselors and openly for awhile. That is why I am in treatment. I didn't take alcohol to work I bought it next door after work while waiting for my cooworker who was driving. I came back in to go to the bathroom and fell out when my blood sugar dropped. I am diabetic and my sugar sometimes drops to the 40s and I black out. It has happened many times not related to drinking one cup of wine.. I have never had alcohol at work before. I hadn't been drinking for months but had a relapse after a particularly stressful situation. I never reported any other licensed person including the one who reported me because she asked me not to and I never new her to take any of the medications at work although she took them from the meds the clinic paid for. I am in no way in denial I have a profound feeling of shame about my addiction which is causing my depression to become worse. If you truly understood this as an illness you would not be so judgemental. Recovery can be a long process. I have been working through my alcoholism and depression for awhile. I am not blaming the np but our CCO said it should be up To the clinic to report to TPAPN after they investigate. I broke no laws nor had any contact with patients. It's should have been an internal matter. Not unlike dropping my the restaurant for a margarita on the way home from work when ur not driving. I just happened to be waiting on my ride and had to use the bathroom before we left.
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    I am not judging you at all and I am not bitter in anyway. I never said you brought wine to work or drank it while patients were there. You said you drank wine in the bathroom in your original posting. That is a mute point. Drinking alcohol in any bathroom is a problem. If you are seeing a counselor and in treatment as you currently stated then there is a reason it's not working. All I am saying is that normally it's because of the first step. You can scream "I have a drinking problem" at the top of your lungs on the highest mountain but until you take the bull by the horns treatment won't work.

    I do recognize addiction as an illness. I also know the emotions that do along with it...denial, blaming, anger, shame, depression etc. I've been there and even revisit it sometimes after having years sober.

    Whether or not it was reported in the right way doesn't matter. It can't be undone. All you can do is get serious about recovery and keep doing the next right thing one day at a time.

    Where you are is a dark lonely place. My heart goes out to you. I remember all to well being there. I was so angry for being reported but I can say my life is better and I am a much better person in many ways without alcohol, with out the guilt of hiding it and without the anxiety of secretly knowing I had a problem.

    I pray you try and see the positive because it will get better if you work at it.

    Wishing you the best.
    catmom1 and TXRN2 like this.
  8. 4
    Having a margarita at the bar is totally different from having a margarita in the bathroom of the place where you work.
    catmom1, poppycat, Marisette, and 1 other like this.
  9. 5
    Sugarcoating discussions about something as serious as alcohol abuse does absolutely nothing to help. I'm saying this as someone who's fought for sobriety for over 21 years, and I'll be the first to tell you that nobody danced around it when I finally admitted I had a problem! The good folks at AA told me what I had, what I was doing to screw up my life, and what it was going to take to stop drinking.....and thanks to them, I did.

    One does not try to work on an addiction---they either stop using, or they don't. There is no "try", no soft, squishy middle ground. If you truly want to stop, STOP. It really is as simple as that. Yes, it's best if you get help, whether from a structured group like AA or a therapist, but they cannot do it for you, and in any case nobody can help you until you fully accept the fact that you have a problem. No excuses, no rationalizing away behaviors like drinking in the bathroom at work.....and no going back to drinking because of 'stress' or some other life event. It's all or nothing.

    Now---being an alcoholic DOES NOT make you a bad person. It doesn't make me a bad person either. Having the disease does make life more challenging, but it doesn't mean we're defective or that we're losers. Far from it. You're part of the way to recovery already by acknowledging that you have an issue with drinking, and that's a big part of the battle. Now you need to accept, and even embrace the fact of your addiction because you need to love yourself enough to give up the booze.

    This is not an easy thing to do, because we alcoholics are our own worst enemies and the vast majority of us do not love ourselves. However, if you can remember that you have a disease that makes your brain tell you lies, it's less difficult to care for yourself the way you need to so that you can heal yourself of your illness.

    I hope this is at least somewhat helpful to you, OP. No, I don't believe in tip-toeing around the truth of addiction, and yes, I do believe you have a serious ETOH problem. But the shame is not in having the disease, it's in knowing the facts and failing to do anything about it. I wish you the best......you have the ability to get sober and stay that way, now you just need the will.
    TorsadesRN, catmom1, poppycat, and 2 others like this.
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    Hey OP, no one can help you until you are ready and willing to admit that alcohol has taken over your life and your ability to make good decisions. As I read your post, it was clear that the person writing is very sad, very angry, and in total denial about how much alcoholism is adversely affecting every part of your life. If you do decide that it's time to get help, I suspect that one day you'll be thankful that someone intervened when they did.
    Last edit by docomo on Jul 4, '13


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