Sugarcoating discussions about something as serious as alcohol abuse does absolutely nothing to help. I'm saying this as someone who's fought for sobriety for over 21 years, and I'll be the first to tell you that nobody danced around it when I finally admitted I had a problem! The good folks at AA told me what I had, what I was doing to screw up my life, and what it was going to take to stop drinking.....and thanks to them, I did.
One does not try
to work on an addiction---they either stop using, or they don't. There is no "try", no soft, squishy middle ground. If you truly want to stop, STOP. It really is as simple as that. Yes, it's best if you get help, whether from a structured group like AA or a therapist, but they cannot do it for you, and in any case nobody
can help you until you fully accept the fact that you have a problem
. No excuses, no rationalizing away behaviors like drinking in the bathroom at work.....and no going back to drinking because of 'stress' or some other life event. It's all or nothing.
Now---being an alcoholic DOES NOT make you a bad person. It doesn't make me a bad person either. Having the disease does make life more challenging, but it doesn't mean we're defective or that we're losers. Far from it. You're part of the way to recovery already by acknowledging that you have an issue with drinking, and that's a big part of the battle. Now you need to accept, and even embrace the fact of your addiction because you need to love yourself enough to give up the booze.
This is not an easy thing to do, because we alcoholics are our own worst enemies and the vast majority of us do not
love ourselves. However, if you can remember that you have a disease
that makes your brain tell you lies, it's less difficult to care for yourself the way you need to so that you can heal yourself of your illness.
I hope this is at least somewhat helpful to you, OP. No, I don't believe in tip-toeing around the truth of addiction, and yes, I do believe you have a serious ETOH problem. But the shame is not in having the disease, it's in knowing the facts and failing to do anything about it. I wish you the best......you have the ability to get sober and stay that way, now you just need the will.