i'm an alkie in recovery and appreciate your honesty in your post. i think that you already know that answers to your own questions. you've gotten some good guidance here.
as for me, the "shakes" went hand in hand (we may not be able to drink, but we can still laugh!) with the time of day that i began to detox. at my end (7 years ago), i had to drink every 50 minutes to keep the shakes away. this disease is insidious and patient. it doesn't care how long it has to wait (while you are in recovery). while you are clean, it's doing pushups and getting stronger and stronger and stronger.
here's the scary part of it, again, my opinion only...if you get into recovery and then relapse, you don't pick up where you left off--you pick up as though you had never stopped at all.
i don't know what you training in substance abuse is, but etoh is one of the only substances that you can die from from a cold turkey detox. depending on how much you are consuming, and if you hands are shaking daily, it's probably past a safe point, i would strongly recommend that you find yourself a safe medical detox. please do not fool around with this.
tell work and your loved ones whatever you need to, but get yourself into a good inpatient rehab and listen to what they say. most competent rehabs will encourage you to work the 12 steps of aa (or na.)
someone mentioned your dh. no matter how well you think you've hidden this, most people already know or suspect. honey, you have a disease that you were born with. you didn't cause this, nor are you responsible for it. however,
you are responsible for what you do from here on in.
had i not grudingly
gotten myself to rehab after rehab and meeting after meeting, i would be dead now. i have been hospitalized many times--too many to count, and go to at least one meeting a day even after 7 years. some of my best friend in the program are folks with 30 years sober who are still hitting daily meetings, giving themselves to service, and passing the message along.
don't rely on you dh to help you get through this. he has his sobriety to maintain. support each other, but you need to find a good group of women, grab a sponsor who has a sponsor herself and go find out what you've been missing in life.
please excuse any typos or grammar
mistakes. it's been a long day.