annieb0324

Many congratulations in beginning to realize your dream and begin to get some of these things that you gave away back. As for me? My greatest gift came right before recovery began, but without it, recovery would not have been possible. I will be grateful everyday for the gift of desperation that my HP saw fit to lay on me. Had I not received and recognized that gift, I'd most likely be dead now, now helping others and living a productive life. Sober blessings to us all, Annie B.

Hi Jenn, I can certainly empathize with you on this and my feedback to you would be this... This is a perfect example of one of the wonderful reasons that we have sponsors. If you are uncomfortable with sharing at a meeting where you know others, then listen only. If anyone in the room wants to draw their own conclusion as to why you are there, let them. You do not have to share. Listening is beneficial to your recovery as well, as long as you share your feelings with another who you trust, preferably a sponsor who is also working with a sponsor of her own. If you do decide to share, please remember that anonymity is NOT the same thing as confidentiality. Many meetings have members who respect both, but many do not. Do not rely on anything that you share remaining in the room as much as we would like to believe it does. Please Jenn, and all others reading this. Don't read me wrong. I love meetings. AA saved my life and continues to on a day by day basis. I've just learned some things the hard way and am passing on some hard won information for whatever it's worth. You are in these meetings to save you life. This must be your priority. If you absolutely cannot find a meeting where you don't know anyone and this is really a trouble of yours, remember that all it takes to make a meeting is two drunks, a coffeepot and a resentment. (And you don't even need to coffeepot!) Save your life. You are worth it--a beautiful child of God. xoxo, Annie B.

gimpbob, prayers going up for you and your family. you know though that it takes far more that prayers to get clean and sober. we have to really want this, and i believe that at our cores, we all do. our loving god did not put us here to watch us suffer. i simply believe that he wants more for us. however, the part that so many of us, certainly me, and me is the only person i can speak for--the part that i missed for so long was that i mistakenly thought that wanting sobriety was what i needed to do--my loving god would do the rest. boy was that wrong. after many near fatal attempts to cross the freeway with a blindfold on, i got the message that in addition to wanting health and sobriety, that i had to do the work as well. idle thought are just that. idle thoughts. faith without works is dead. what a simple, yet elusive concept for me to understand. the day i finally got it though, was my first day of freedom. the few short intervals of clean time were only that clean time. no sobriety--no wonder i kept returning to the drink. once i put sobriety above all else, and got a taste of what true sobriety was, it got a little easier, one day at a time. i heard in a meeting once, and this really resonated with me, (as so much in meeting does), everything i put in front of my sobriety, i will lose. this goes for my home, cars, job, children--all of it. without sobriety, i have nothing. with sobriety, i have everything. i have life. wish these were my words, but someone much more profound uttered them, and they saved me from the etoh many times: "when i joined the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous, i thought that god was going to open the gates of heaven and let me in. didn't happen. something much more wonderful did. he opened up the gates of hell and let me out." again, my prayers are with you on this journey. xoxo, annie b.

jnks, i'm an alkie in recovery and appreciate your honesty in your post. i think that you already know that answers to your own questions. you've gotten some good guidance here. as for me, the "shakes" went hand in hand (we may not be able to drink, but we can still laugh!) with the time of day that i began to detox. at my end (7 years ago), i had to drink every 50 minutes to keep the shakes away. this disease is insidious and patient. it doesn't care how long it has to wait (while you are in recovery). while you are clean, it's doing pushups and getting stronger and stronger and stronger. here's the scary part of it, again, my opinion only...if you get into recovery and then relapse, you don't pick up where you left off--you pick up as though you had never stopped at all. i don't know what you training in substance abuse is, but etoh is one of the only substances that you can die from from a cold turkey detox. depending on how much you are consuming, and if you hands are shaking daily, it's probably past a safe point, i would strongly recommend that you find yourself a safe medical detox. please do not fool around with this. tell work and your loved ones whatever you need to, but get yourself into a good inpatient rehab and listen to what they say. most competent rehabs will encourage you to work the 12 steps of aa (or na.) someone mentioned your dh. no matter how well you think you've hidden this, most people already know or suspect. honey, you have a disease that you were born with. you didn't cause this, nor are you responsible for it. however, you are responsible for what you do from here on in. had i not grudingly gotten myself to rehab after rehab and meeting after meeting, i would be dead now. i have been hospitalized many times--too many to count, and go to at least one meeting a day even after 7 years. some of my best friend in the program are folks with 30 years sober who are still hitting daily meetings, giving themselves to service, and passing the message along. don't rely on you dh to help you get through this. he has his sobriety to maintain. support each other, but you need to find a good group of women, grab a sponsor who has a sponsor herself and go find out what you've been missing in life. xoxo, annie b. please excuse any typos or grammar mistakes. it's been a long day.