Nursing and aa/na

[Twoyearnurse]

I got clean four months ago. Looking back on that, I was only physically clean. I finally got a sponsor- it has been the most amazing, enlightening, and humbling experience so far! I had plans on returning to a nursing job recently, as I had posted about this before. After gaining a sponsor I realize I am not ready! So I will wait and be patient with myself. A little background:

I got sober and clean (after getting caught- what I thought was the worst experience actually became one of the best, and each moment today brings an even better moment, usually hidden just beneath a bad one). I came clean to my family and close friends and then starte to go to aa/na. I, as I tend to be, became an over achiever. I worked those first three steps and then stopped. Three and a half months later I didn't feel emotionally or spiritually well. I was frightened about finances, and I had a nursing job just waiting for me. I intended to apply this week. I went to an early meeting and there my higher power gave me my sponsor and in one sweeping, crying conversation the truth came that I was not ready. The truths about ourselves are so painful and come in their own time. The day after this emotional breakdown another job was extended to me. Of course with the same empathy and love as the first: come to us, you have a job, but work on your recovery first. So now instead of one, I have two jobs awaiting me. Another gift from my higher power- a promise that if I am patient with myself and trust in Him that I am okay- nursing can wait!

I hope at least one-if not all- of you get this, and to those who are working toward wellness remember that hope is never lost if we take a minute to listen.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

((HUGS)) Congratulations on your steps towards recovery.

[Twoyearnurse]

Thank you! It is diffidently a painful process. The biggest change for me in this past week has been that when I look forward and become pressured and afraid about what will happen i am able to turn that fear off. I was painstakingly trying to force this feeling these past couple months by focusing on my options- I.e. I could go back to nursing, find a different career, flee the country and enslave myself to a wealthy foreigner (seriously...I had that thought! Laughed immediately afterwards but it was there). Now I find a lot of peace and freedom from fear by focusing on right now, and right now I am doing amazing things. As long as I do this, everything else will fall into place.