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Nurses Recovery

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Specializes in Rehab, Infection, LTC.

I am so happy that allnurses added this forum to their board! I thought I would introduce myself.

I'm an RN with 12 yrs experience. I've been in recovery for 4 yrs and 5 months today.

I was a polydrug user. For those that don't know...that just means didnt turn any drug down and everything was my drug of choice...but opiates were my favorites. I've been an addict basically my entire life. I overdosed on baby aspirins at 2 yrs old. My baby sister was sick and they say i was jealous and took all her medicine. I started drinking and doing drugs when i was 14. I was stealing drugs at work within 6 months of getting my license. I lost many jobs due to my drug use but not one single place ever turned me into the BON. It was always "she's such a good nurse" or they liked me too much to "do that to me". My use escalated thru the years as it always does with us addicts.

Finally, on April 23, 2004, I had my first real intervention. While I was sitting on that toilet, freaking out inside that i was finally caught, the lady says "do you have something you need to tell me?". It was at that point that God started screaming in my head "tellhertellhertellhertellher" over and over until i wanted to put my hands on my ears and yell "shutup!". as i handed her that cup of urine I blurted out "im a drug addict!".

I spent the next 2 weeks having a nervous breakdown because I had told someone "my secret".

Today, i am still close friends with the lady that did my intervention...i call her my angel.

Looking back on the entire experience, I can see God guiding me thru it all. I know now that nobody ever turned me into the BON because it was all God's plan. Until that one particular moment in that bathroom, i had never been ready to honestly quit. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired as we say in the rooms. God put me there because for the first time in my career, I was working at a place that wanted to help addicts not just fire us. Once I took that first leap of faith...God was driving the bus.

I spent the next 5 months trying to convince my EAP counselor that i didnt need rehab,lol. I was 5 months allready clean, right? haha. well...the board of nursing thought it would be a really good idea if i went anyway,lol. I didnt go inpatient. I did an IOP for professionals. They had to seperate us from the "normal" addicts because we were sicker than all of them, lol. My job supported me during the entire process. They changed my schedule to be the weekend supervisor so i could do IOP during the week. I was the first nurse that the treatment center i went to allowed a nurse to work and do IOP at the same time. I was their "test case". Although i jumped into my recovery with both feet and got very involved with my recovery...I dont recommend working during treatment.

I completed my treatment and then signed my contract with TNPAP for 3 years. Next week I celebrate my one year anniversary of graduating from the TNPAP program!

Yeah, doing a peer program is a pain in the butt and expensive...but I'm the one that screwed up my career, I'm the one that had to suffer the consequences. To this day, I'm still close with my TNPAP counselor. He helped me change my life.

I married the man of my dreams on my one year sober birthday. We had dated for years but never married. He's the love of my life. He's also been sober for 8 years now and is a drug and alcohol counselor. He said after helping me get sober that if he could help me then he could help anyone, lol.

I wanted to share my story because i came to this board 4 years and 5 months ago scared to death and looking for anyone that understood what I felt and if anyone had been thru what i was going thru. (i dont remember my old nicname..thus the new one, lol). I got a lot of support on this board. I also got a lot of opinions that addicts didnt deserve a second chance. I learned a lot here. I wanted to share because I've walked that walk and am here to say to anyone going thru it now that you can do it! every second of sobriety is a gift! living life sober and on life's terms has changed my life completely.

So here i am...clean, sober and happier than ever! Sometimes I just have to sit in awe of what God has done in my life.

So if you are early in recovery or even looking to get clean...you CAN do it. It's not easy. It's hard work. But the promise of the 12 steps is real! I'm living it!

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Thank you so much for posting your very honest story. You have no idea who you will touch but I know you will touch someone.

I am very proud of you - I come from a family of addicts and it can be hard to watch them go back over and over again. You've done a great thing and are capable of keeping it going.

Best wishes!

steph

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Thank you for your experience, strength, and hope. I find out today if I will be accepted into the Alternative Program for nurses. I will never forget the day my work intervened and asked to to admit I was a drug addict so they could help me or they would have to call the cops. That was late July. I found the rooms of AA. Im just now starting to clean house. What a mess.

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Specializes in Rehab, Infection, LTC.
Thank you for your experience, strength, and hope. I find out today if I will be accepted into the Alternative Program for nurses. I will never forget the day my work intervened and asked to to admit I was a drug addict so they could help me or they would have to call the cops. That was late July. I found the rooms of AA. Im just now starting to clean house. What a mess.

good luck to you chief!

are you going to go to treatment? i tried for years to quit on my own or just go to AA/NA meetings. for me...i couldnt do it. treatment gave me the tools i needed to change my life.

what happened yesterday?

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Specializes in Rehab, Infection, LTC.
Thank you so much for posting your very honest story. You have no idea who you will touch but I know you will touch someone.

I am very proud of you - I come from a family of addicts and it can be hard to watch them go back over and over again. You've done a great thing and are capable of keeping it going.

Best wishes!

steph

thanks a lot steph!

coming from a family of addicts...wow, that's hard. you have my admiration!

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Specializes in ER, CVICU, Rapid Response.

Thank you for sharing your story and your honesty. I am a former ER nurse and have been clean now for six months. I could really relate to your situation and it is very uplifting to see nurses that have made it through the thick and are living life now. Thanks!

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I am in a IOP. It is ok. I find AA more helpful. I have made alot of friends. There are many healthcare workers in the rooms. Kinda feels crazy to me, I would have never thought me. Shows me I am no better/different than any other human. I did get into the Alternative program. It will be four years with some kind of early release im guessing if im good. Wish me luck.

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Specializes in Rehab, Infection, LTC.
Thank you for sharing your story and your honesty. I am a former ER nurse and have been clean now for six months. I could really relate to your situation and it is very uplifting to see nurses that have made it through the thick and are living life now. Thanks!

6 months? woohooo congratulations!!!!! i hope you are proud of yourself because 6 months sober is amazing!

the reason i wanted to post my story was because i couldnt find very many people online or off that had been thru it. I wish i could scream it from the rooftops how good life is sober!

hang in there because i'm living proof that you are allready a miracle and have so many beautiful 24 hours ahead of you!

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Specializes in Rehab, Infection, LTC.
I am in a IOP. It is ok. I find AA more helpful. I have made alot of friends. There are many healthcare workers in the rooms. Kinda feels crazy to me, I would have never thought me. Shows me I am no better/different than any other human. I did get into the Alternative program. It will be four years with some kind of early release im guessing if im good. Wish me luck.
i thought the same thing. IMO an addict was someone living in a box under an interstate. no way *I* was a junkie.

but i was! and I am!

I had a counselor ask me during treatment if i wanted to get sober. "yes of course" i told him. he says "then you have to trust us to know what you need right now because you cant think for yourself right now. your thinking hasnt done you much good so far that i see". he said "just do what we tell you to do and you will get sober".

so he told me one day "if i tell you to stand on your head in the corner and stack greasy beebees, would you do it?"

when i told him how ridiculous that sounded he said "yeah but would you try it?" i said "i guess so" and he said "you wouldnt be using while you did that now would you?" lol, he had a point. so after that i jumped into my recovery with both feet and did every single thing they told me to no matter how retarded i thought it was. to this day, that man is very near and dear to my heart. and he still tells his greasy bee bee story, lol

so when you feel like using, go stack greasy beebees while standing on your head until it passes. it works! :redbeathe

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SouthernBeeGirl, My story is very similar. I, too, had an intervention at work and was told "you need to get help or we will have to call the police" I did a two week outpatient treatment program and was enrolled in a 5 year Substance Abuse Recovery Program through my state BON. Last May I celebrated 16 years clean and sober and 11 years since I "graduated" from SARP. I joke that most recovering addicts and alcoholics don't get a diploma like I did. Of course I'm not cured. But so long as I practice my program faithfully in all areas of my life, I can be asymptomatic. Great to welcome you to this forum. I love hearing success stories.

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Specializes in Med Surg, Nursing Administration for SNF.

Yep, same here. Intervened on at work (finally, it's over, I remember thinking) and I thank God for the person who had the guts to turn me in. I see so many nurses "protect" thier coworkers thinking that they are doing good, when actually they are doing them an injustice by not reporting them. I wd prob be dead otherwise and sadly I do know of a few that are dead because noone "wanted to get involved".

ANYWAY . . . went thru 5 yrs of IPN, complaining the first couple of years of it and now facilitate my own group while just celebrating 7 years last month! Those "days" do finally add up!

Thank YOU all of my bros and sis in sobriety out there, it is NOT an "I" program, it is thankfully, a "we" program!

Welcome . . . Southernbee girl, and keep comin' back! :loveya:

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Specializes in Rehab, Infection, LTC.

wow! thanks so much guys! you guys are an inspiration to me. thats why i started this thread. there are so many of us that have "made it thru" so to speak and are loving life. i try to share the positives of recovery. i heard so much negative stuff in the rooms, especially in my weekly support group required by TNPAP. i just want to be a positive person for anyone i can. life is so good and i want that for everyone!

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