I have been an R.N. in NC for 8 years. Last september I was caught diverting narcotics. Within a year prior to that I lost my mom to cancer and found out I was pregnant with my first child. Three months in to my pregnancy I miscarried (found out 2 months in to it I was pregnant with twins). I was placed on and off bedrest for 3 months. Six months in to my pregnancy my husband lost his job. I had a very difficult labor, almost lost him during birth, and started to suffer from PPD immediately after. Needless to say I went back to work at 3 & 1/2 weeks post partum.
2 weeks after I returned I saw a nurse throw a vial of medication into the sharps box. I came up with the brilliant idea of shooting up after I pushed dilaudid on my patient who acted like his world was perfect after giving it to him. I started off with my addiction by taking a vial with meds and using an empty vial filled with water to waste off. The first time I shot up I was hooked. I would strip the sharps boxes of any and all narcotics...sometimes taking the boxes home with me and hiding them. I gradually progressed until I was using dilaudid, morphine, and demerol all in the same syringe. I don't want to go much further in to detail with my war stories...if u are in recovery you know we all know how to use.
I lost my job, my license is in abeyance, I completed detox/rehab, and currently am in intensive outpatient program. I am in the alternative program in NC, call in to firstlab m-f, attending 12 step meetings, and working my 3rd step. I was denied reinstatement and am currently reapplying. My bills are so far behind it's ridiculous, I pay $76 for each drug test I take, and my house is in foreclosure. I work 2 jobs and it barely covers my expenses.
I am learning the lesson in all this and continuing to "sit still" and allowing my life to play out. But lately I am getting discouraged about my future. The one thing I am sure of is I won't use - NO MATTER WHAT
I just need wisdom....encouragement......hope....or strength. All are welcome!!