Got caught. Relived. But now what?

Nurses Recovery

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Been diverting for prob a year now (please don't judge me, I feel bad enough). I've tried many different ways to get sober and all have failed. Well today I got busted.

Hospital has been auditing me, which is embarrassing on its own. After denying, I finally came clean to my director. He said if I didn't it would be reported to the BRN but if I was honest he could help me. For now he's letting me keep my job but I can't handle narcs. I work ER, this is nearly impossible. So I'll have to have coworkers pull/administer them. So obviously people will find out. My director told me one charge nurse knows (the one who intimidates me and I've never thought liked me, even when I was straight). I'm just so embarrassed and don't know how to approach my upcoming situation. Was being honest the right thing to do?

I also have a teaching position lined up in September that i might not be able to

do bc I can't pull drugs. I was told this was my one opportunity to teach.

Ive messed up so badly. What can I do to

redeem myself without losing out

on opportunities and without the whole

ER knowing what I did?

Anyone been through this? I feel

so ashamed and alone.

thanks!

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

Hi Cali and welcome to Nurses in Recovery,

You are among friends here! You don't say where you are located but I am going out on a limb and guessing California. You did not make a mistake by coming clean. Honesty is the first and most important aspect of successful recovery. After all you are only as sick as your secrets. It sounds as if your employer is willing to give you a second chance which is great and I would grab that chance and run with it. As for what comes next a lot depends on if your employer chooses to turn you in to the BON. California is one of the most punitive states as far as BON action is concerned. I should know as I was in the Diversion program for 5 years from 2002 to 2007. It's hard to believe that I have bean sober for 15 years now. I am a completely different person than I was back then.

Anyway if you can avoid having the BON involved in your recovery It will be easier and faster for you. The first step is getting clean which may include being detoxed. Once that is done I would encourage AA/NA attendance to help you accept your circumstances and learn how to stay clean and sober. If however your employer turns you in to the BON you will be in for a 3 to 5 year program of monitoring, treatment, random drug screens etc... all at your expense. Plus the BON can suspend your license and keep you from working if they want to. I can help you understand some of the ins and outs of the California program. do you have the ability to receive private messages?

As scary as this all sounds I would like to add that I would not trade my worst day sober for my best day using ever!

Hppy

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I think I have the ability to receive PMs? New to the site but would greatly appreciate any advice I can get in a more private setting

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Sorry. Double checked and I can't receive PMs yet. But my director made it sound like I could keep my job, just not pass narcotics (totally impossible). He didn't mention any kind of program but said he would have to get details from HR. Naturally I'm freaking out

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
Sorry. Double checked and I can't receive PMs yet. But my director made it sound like I could keep my job, just not pass narcotics (totally impossible). He didn't mention any kind of program but said he would have to get details from HR. Naturally I'm freaking out

You can go to Facebook and look up Medpros in Recovery. it's a private group so is not displayed publically . Click the join button and wait to here from me. I would suggest you join with a pseudonym as nothing is every really private anymore.

Hppy

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Hi, I'm new here as well and literally the exact same thing happened to me. I have been allowed to keep my job, the condition was reporting myself to IPN, which I did immediately, and I honestly feel like I weight has been lifted. I had several moments where lately I hoped I'd get caught and I think that's because I am tired of living like this. Everyone here has been extremely kind, non-judgemental and helpful so you have come to the right place!

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Specializes in Tele, ICU, Staff Development.
Been diverting for prob a year now (please don't judge me, I feel bad enough). I've tried many different ways to get sober and all have failed. Well today I got busted.

Hospital has been auditing me, which is embarrassing on its own. After denying, I finally came clean to my director. He said if I didn't it would be reported to the BRN but if I was honest he could help me. For now he's letting me keep my job but I can't handle narcs. I work ER, this is nearly impossible.

thanks!

I recommend looking for a job where you don't have to give narcotics for two reasons.

You need time away from access to narcotics to get sober, and it's not sustainable for you to work in ED relying on coworkers to do your job. Even in a supportive environment, this will breed resentment.

Not judging, just trying to help. Best wishes.

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Cannot find the group on facebook! I would love to join .

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
Cannot find the group on facebook! I would love to join .

I am new at this too - Because it is a private group I think I have to invite you in. I would not want you to post your private identifying info here in public forum. Do you have the ability to PM/ If so I will send you an invite!. Just let me know by sending me a PM and I'll take it from there.

Hppy

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