CaliMSN

Thanks. Of course I'll get a full workup done sooner than later. Just sitting here letting my anxiety get out of control and wondering if I'm getting myself all worked up over nothing. Scares the crap out of me to think I could have put my health at risk forever for some stupid stuff I did while in the middle of a drug problem

I am a nurse who was diverting drugs. I am clean now, getting treatment, everything in my life has changed, finally getting my **** together but I am freaking out thinking about one of the ways I was stealing. When i I was desperate. If the patient had a bag of morphine hanging I would pull some out using the port above the pump. I'm freaking out that I put myself at risk for bloodborne diaease. I can't get tested for probably another month due to some other issues. Realistically, how likely could it have been that I could've gotten something this way (assuming the OT had an illness to begin with). Or did the fluid mostly just come from the bag and it was far enough from pt to probably be safe?

When I pull fluid (like propfol) from the port above the pump where is the fluid coming from? The bag or does some come from the tubing below?

Sorry. Double checked and I can't receive PMs yet. But my director made it sound like I could keep my job, just not pass narcotics (totally impossible). He didn't mention any kind of program but said he would have to get details from HR. Naturally I'm freaking out

I think I have the ability to receive PMs? New to the site but would greatly appreciate any advice I can get in a more private setting

Been diverting for prob a year now (please don't judge me, I feel bad enough). I've tried many different ways to get sober and all have failed. Well today I got busted. Hospital has been auditing me, which is embarrassing on its own. After denying, I finally came clean to my director. He said if I didn't it would be reported to the BRN but if I was honest he could help me. For now he's letting me keep my job but I can't handle narcs. I work ER, this is nearly impossible. So I'll have to have coworkers pull/administer them. So obviously people will find out. My director told me one charge nurse knows (the one who intimidates me and I've never thought liked me, even when I was straight). I'm just so embarrassed and don't know how to approach my upcoming situation. Was being honest the right thing to do? I also have a teaching position lined up in September that i might not be able to do bc I can't pull drugs. I was told this was my one opportunity to teach. Ive messed up so badly. What can I do to redeem myself without losing out on opportunities and without the whole ER knowing what I did? Anyone been through this? I feel so ashamed and alone. thanks!