Does anyone else feel violated?

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Mar 10, 2013

Per the rules of my contract I have to attend AA or NA at least 3 times weekly for the duration of my contract. I am struggling with the meetings, let alone the others in attendance there. I am not saying I'm better than anyone let me make that clear! I have no desire for the meetings, do not find them helpful, and a waste of my time. I feel like a fraud among them. I find myself wanting to use sitting around all these dry drunks if you will. The fact I'm being forced to do so or lose my licensure is not fair at all. I have found intensive outpatient therapy helpful and think it's a far better fit for learning and re-learning coping skills. But to be sentenced to a meeting that I can't find anything good in is killing me and I feel like my first amendment rights have been violated. Not to mention there are NO proven, evidence based studies that show AA works. Yea they say it, but if you look at their drop out rates they don't correlate! I know I can get an attorney...this is more food for thought, because I don't want to drink the cults kool-aid...

I think if I wanted to keep my license I would do whatever was necessary regardless of whether I felt it was "not helpful" and a "waste of my time" while I found myself "wanting to use" just being around the stress of the other "dry drunks"....I mean members. That alone would tell me I needed some more therapy to give me the coping mechanisms necessary to deal with stress without wanting to use.

I don't think it matters about what "evidence based" studies do or do not exist...this is the path that the board prescribed/required of me and I would have to realize that there are consequences to my actions and if sitting somewhere 3 days a week is one of them....then sitting somewhere 3 days a week is what I would do.

You are exercising your first amendment rights by voicing your discord.

The 5 First Amendment Freedoms
Speech
The First Amendment says that people have the right to speak freely without government interference.
Press
The First Amendment gives the press the right to publish news, information and opinions without government interference. This also means people have the right to publish their own newspapers, newsletters, magazines, etc.
Religion
The First Amendment prohibits government from establishing a religion and protects each person's right to practice (or not practice) any faith without government interference.
Petition
The First Amendment says that people have the right to appeal to government in favor of or against policies that affect them or that they feel strongly about. This freedom includes the right to gather signatures in support of a cause and to lobby legislative bodies for or against legislation.
Assembly
The First Amendment says that people have the right to gather in public to march, protest, demonstrate, carry signs and otherwise express their views in a nonviolent way. It also means people can join and associate with groups and organizations without interference.

You can get a lawyer and petition the board to change their requirements.

I am so sorry you are going through this and sometimes the consequences to our actions can be a bitter pill to swallow.....but we have to chug it down anyhow. I think there are a bunch of really bright people that care about you and while some things might be difficult to hear they are only meant to helps us be better.

I wish you the best in your recovery...((HUGS))

HunnieBadger · Mar 15, 2013

I still have the chance to be prosecuted, it's a constant thought. The program is for the BON, not a get out of jail free card. And criminal or not I still have rights that can and have been violated, wether my stating that makes me seem like I'm a victim or not. So yes VIOLATED, REALLY...

jwmwinter, ASN, RN · Mar 22, 2013

I believe that your anger is justified. It all has to do with the stages of grief. Anger is an important part of your recovery.....a motivator. It's a true emotion that you are allowed to feel regardless of the cause. I encourage you to voice your concerns on this thread. Your anger will dissipate and you'll feel better about your situation. It just takes time. Soon you will forgive yourself and feel a weight lift off your shoulders. But for now, hold onto those feelings and use them to your advantage. One thing you should always remember, this is YOUR recovery. No one can tell you how to lead it but yourself. One last thing, the humiliation and feeling of being violated will dissolve. Always be honest with yourself and you'll do just fine. I wish you only the best.

I've always believed that its not what you say, it's how you say it. So, our comments to other recovering nurses should be helpful and supportive......you know who you are.

HunnieBadger · Mar 23, 2013

Winter, thank you. Not only for understanding but the advice as well, thank you.