Why does every unit have a princess?

[echoRNC711]

When I graduated nursing school some 20 years ago I made a promise to myself to explore all of nursing and feel satisfied that I have done that. I have specialized in several areas and have done per diems everywhere in the hospital with the exception of L&D. Throughout my travels, I have come to see that in every area, there reigns a princess.

The princess as I see it is the nurse who is allowed to demand and receive privileges and the staff as a whole panders to it. Specifically, the princess can protest her assignment, demand extra staff and throw an occasional tantrum when she gets upset. This same assignment and staffing ratio has been managed without complaint or problem by other shifts yet when the princess complains it becomes a "justifiable issue that needs immediate correction. "

I initially thought that this nurse was the most knowledgeable or skilled but over time came to realize that this wasn't correct. I can wholeheartedly admit that at times I did resent this disparity, but I had a hard time really fathoming how it was permitted.

I am a reflective person so I have examined myself for the presence of jealousy and although not a refreshing find, I had to accept that it was there. I think I used to mask it in righteous indignation that I was a hard worker so why was her mediocre at best work hailed in such high regard. The answer is she is popular, powerful or both: I am not a princess.

I genuinely like to work hard. My relationship with my pts is very private. I allow them to see me and I them in a way that is deeply meaningful. I think often where we go wrong in nursing,myself included, is we expend energy comparing ourselves to each other. Usually, if I am having a strong reaction to a person, they are showing me something about myself that I haven't yet faced. Why is there a princess in every unit? I really don't know.

What interests me is what can I learn from her. The princess no longer becomes my enemy when I register my own truth: that I am quiet, I am deep, I am respected but in my career there are times when I too wished to be popular.

[BlueDevil,DNP, DNP, RN]

I an sure the people I used to work with would have said I fit your description. I just simply refused to be taken advantage of. When asked to do things I found unreasonable, I very politely, professionally, and pleasantly, said "no, I won't do that." After a while, no one asked me to do unreasonable things anymore and it probably appeared like favoritism.

I don't think it was favoritism at all. In fact, I doubt TPTB liked me, as a person, very much. I am certain they respected my skills, but I am sure they thought I was a bit of a PITA. The bottom line was, they knew if they asked me to do something even approaching the line in the sand I had drawn in the past, it might be a bigger headache for them than it was worth, so they just didn't ask. The fact that other nurses didn't stand up for themselves appropriately, but whined & complained to others, behaved passive aggressively in any number of ways instead, or just took the abuse like mules is not my fault. So they were continuously mistreated, and I never was. I got the schedule I asked for, without fail. I got good assignments. I got continuing education classes I requested. No one ever called me on my days off to fill in. Ever. They knew better, lol. They simply left me alone to do my job, and in return I provided perfect attendance, and exemplary performance. I was never once "written up" in any position I ever held. I have never had anything short of outstanding performance reviews, yet we all knew I was a "high maintenance" employee. I attended board meetings and lodged complaints directly to the hospital board of directors if we didn't have enough soap, lol. I was a thorn, but I was also the one they wanted on the floor the day TJC came through.

No matter what role I was in, my supervisors and I each gave each other exactly what the other wanted, nothing more, nothing less. We achieved perfect detente. That does not make me a prince/ss. It makes me a skilled diplomat and negotiator.

I also got along well with everyone. I had no "friends" at work, but I was friendly with every single person and had not a single enemy. I never had a single disagreement with a workplace coworker. Not a single cross word in 20 years of bedside nursing with a nurse or provider. No one could say a bad word about me, other than I bad an awfully nice schedule.

[echoRNC711, BSN]

What a great attitude.I am impressed at your introspection and ability to problem solve.I have always been a very vocal pt advocate and had no problem speaking up for them. Why, because I thought they were worth it. I worked for several yrs before realizing I always put my self last. I don't see that as healthy. Princess,nurse and pt are all worthy of fairness.I spent too many yrs finding my own voice.The experience was still valuable regardless but work could have been so much easier if I had learned this earlier. I am delighted you see that already!

But I'm dealing with it. I've begun to realize that if I'm only a student and my life is already like this, then I need to be more self-motivated than i already am and just use the resources I have to further myself and be my own advocate. The princesses are using their own resources (their popularity and people skills), so maybe I just need to further access my own resources as well.

[echoRNC711, BSN]

Blue Devil -

I really enjoyed your post and I think you nailed it. The root issue is assertiveness. I think if we were all more honest in expressing our needs fairly then the princess platform would have collapsed a long time ago. I like your directness, I personally would rather someone spit in my eye and say "I hate you " than use manipulation to have their needs met.

I have noted that the nursing profession can at times not only foster but promote a co-dependent type climate. To always put patients ahead of yourself , even when an assignment is too much, is encouraged.

I applaud your ability to be clear and decisive. You appear very independent (feel free to correct ) and I am left wondering did your co workers perceive you as a team player? I don't think getting your needs met implies princess. To me a princess utilizes manipulation and I don't hear that in how you have presented yourself. Manipulative behavior irks me most not because of the privileges they attain but because of the dishonesty. I value the truth. I have said when giving report "I didn't do the dressing because the truth is I was just too bloody lazy. Sorry, I will make it up to you next time ."

In the interest of honesty and my own curiosity I am wondering Blue were you respected,feared or both. I'd like to see better teamwork in nursing to recognize each others strengths. I am wondering where is the middle ground between being assertive and team player?

[FMF Corpsman, MSN, RN]

You said it perfectly. Yes, there are the 5% who have exceptionally strong blood/money/social ties to the powers that be, and so their antics can't be helped. But more often than not, the "princess" (or "prince") continues to thrive because everyone else lets them.

At the same time...are you (OP) and your unit resentful that she is getting things changed for her and you're not? It could be because she is actually asking/complaining, while the rest of you have chosen to "tough it out" and suffer in relative silence. Admittedly, I don't work there so I don't know if her requests/complaints/behavior is justified (e.g., is she asking for extra staff with a patient load of 10 or a patient load of 3? Does she have 3 post-CABG patients while the others have none, or does she not want to deal with a demanding walkie-talkie?).

So she could really be a princess or just being assertive; I can't judge that as I haven't witnessed her in action. I can only go by your side of the story, which is only one POV.

But one thing that I have learned pretty fast as a nurse is that if you don't ask, you don't get. Management isn't going to rush in to offer help or make changes if you don't say anything: they're going to assume that all is well. If you're not making any complaints about your 7 patient load that you're struggling to stay afloat with, then they're going to read that as you can handle 7 patients just fine and move on to the next issue.

Not saying to complain over every single little thing, but perhaps there are times where speaking up would be justified, even at the risk of gaining a label from coworkers. Just something to think about.

Most of you already know my position on political correctness, so please, do not be offended by my directness in this post. I cannot, and will not be other than what I am, and that is an old military hard@$$ with far too many years of experience in a female driven profession. As I have said numerous times on this board, I truly love Nursing and when you do something you love to do as a profession, you never really "work" a day in your life. The only thing "wrong" with our profession is that it is dominated by women, and women, while they will argue amongst themselves, rarely argue with others. It hasn't been until the last few years that Nursing has finely began to find its voice and begun to speak for itself in the Halls of Congress and in the Senate. Nursing has finely learned they must have Lobbyist to speak for them, and for far too many years, they remained mute where they most needed to have a loud voice to speak for us, and have people hear what we had to say. The million plus Nurses could have turned this Country around and stood it on its head had we learned to speak earlier, yet we remained silent. Only c/o to each other about our petty differences, while things that needed to be changed were left unsaid. As meriwhen said in the above post, "But one thing that I have learned pretty fast as a nurse is that if you don't ask, you don't get." We have gone for over a century, now we're speaking out, and finally some of our needs are being met, but just some of them. I'm not suggesting that your little Princess is "all that and a bag of chips" but maybe her example is one to be followed and more people need to speak up and maybe some things in Nursing will change for the better.

[nursel56]

We've had lobbyists for a long time. The problem is what they are lobbying for isn't on behalf of the profession of nursing as a whole. I'd say we need lobbyists to counter the present lobbyists as I think the legislatures assume we all think along the lines of their agenda. It has nothing to do with gender.

[FMF Corpsman, MSN, RN]

We've had lobbyists for a long time. The problem is what they are lobbying for isn't on behalf of the profession of nursing as a whole. I'd say we need lobbyists to counter the present lobbyists as I think the legislatures assume we all think along the lines of their agenda. It has nothing to do with gender.

You have to remember I am retired, I'm ten years older than you, and what you consider a long time and what I consider a long time might be two different things, but you are right on the rest, they aren't lobbying on behalf of Nurses as a whole.

[nursel56]

You have to remember I am retired, I'm ten years older than you, and what you consider a long time and what I consider a long time might be two different things, but you are right on the rest, they aren't lobbying on behalf of Nurses as a whole.

I'm sorry - didn't mean to sound so snippy but when I tried to think of a way to fix it my mind went blank. :). My irritation about the way the lobbyist types are ignoring the plight of new grads who can't find jobs and insisting there is still a nursing shortage probably bled into it, too. Bowing out. . . .

[FMF Corpsman, MSN, RN]

I an sure the people I used to work with would have said I fit your description. I just simply refused to be taken advantage of. When asked to do things I found unreasonable, I very politely, professionally, and pleasantly, said "no, I won't do that." After a while, no one asked me to do unreasonable things anymore and it probably appeared like favoritism.

I don't think it was favoritism at all. In fact, I doubt TPTB liked me, as a person, very much. I am certain they respected my skills, but I am sure they thought I was a bit of a PITA. The bottom line was, they knew if they asked me to do something even approaching the line in the sand I had drawn in the past, it might be a bigger headache for them than it was worth, so they just didn't ask. The fact that other nurses didn't stand up for themselves appropriately, but whined & complained to others, behaved passive aggressively in any number of ways instead, or just took the abuse like mules is not my fault. So they were continuously mistreated, and I never was. I got the schedule I asked for, without fail. I got good assignments. I got continuing education classes I requested. No one ever called me on my days off to fill in. Ever. They knew better, lol. They simply left me alone to do my job, and in return I provided perfect attendance, and exemplary performance. I was never once "written up" in any position I ever held. I have never had anything short of outstanding performance reviews, yet we all knew I was a "high maintenance" employee. I attended board meetings and lodged complaints directly to the hospital board of directors if we didn't have enough soap, lol. I was a thorn, but I was also the one they wanted on the floor the day TJC came through.

No matter what role I was in, my supervisors and I each gave each other exactly what the other wanted, nothing more, nothing less. We achieved perfect detente. That does not make me a prince/ss. It makes me a skilled diplomat and negotiator.

I also got along well with everyone. I had no "friends" at work, but I was friendly with every single person and had not a single enemy. I never had a single disagreement with a workplace coworker. Not a single cross word in 20 years of bedside nursing with a nurse or provider. No one could say a bad word about me, other than I bad an awfully nice schedule.

BlueDevil, You could have been writing my script, with one exception, I had friends at work, or at least I thought I did, in the end, they didn't turn out to be so friendly. I wonder if it is because we are males and they treat us with more deference. As I said in my other post, my female co-workers complained a great deal amongst each other, but not necessarily to those in power to make the changes they sought. Whereas I had no difficulty taking my c/o directly to whom ever was empowered to render immediate relief. People have called me a number of different things, but shy was never included in the list, but like you said, PITA might have been fairly close to the top. I learned a long time ago, how to get thing done and how to do so in the most expedient manner. The suits decided the best place for me would be among them rather than dueling with them and made me the VP of Patient Care, so I guess I really was the Prince, but only for less than six months, because I hated every day of it, and couldn't wait to get back to direct patient care where I loved it.

[BlueDevil,DNP, DNP, RN]

Blue Devil -

I applaud your ability to be clear and decisive. You appear very independent (feel free to correct ) and I am left wondering did your co workers perceive you as a team player?

In the interest of honesty and my own curiosity I am wondering Blue were you respected,feared or both. I'd like to see better teamwork in nursing to recognize each others strengths. I am wondering where is the middle ground between being assertive and team player?

I don't know the answers to any of your questions, sorry. I haven't the foggiest idea what people said or thought about me. It's none of my business, so I never asked.

As to the middle ground issue, I am not sure about that either. I did advocate for the team on a lot of issues. My primary interest was always the advancement of my profession and protection of my patient. Both of those served my colleagues interests as much as my own.

[BlueDevil,DNP, DNP, RN]

BlueDevil, You could have been writing my script, with one exception, I had friends at work, or at least I thought I did, in the end, they didn't turn out to be so friendly.

For the record, I don't have friends at work because I choose not to socialize with coworkers, not because they didn't like me or vice versa. My spouse does not socialize with the work set either. Our social network is made up of a different sort of people.

We strongly believe in keeping our work and personal lives separate.