Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 25

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   shelly304
    I would love to tell some of our female patients to please wash their cooters BEFORE they come in for their gyno check-ups. I always keep a mask handy and have no problem whipping it on right in front of them!
    I work with a Doc who has no problem writing a prescription for a bar of SOAP!
  2. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from shelly304
    I would love to tell some of our female patients to please wash their cooters BEFORE they come in for their gyno check-ups. I always keep a mask handy and have no problem whipping it on right in front of them!
    I work with a Doc who has no problem writing a prescription for a bar of SOAP!
    wow.
    just, wow.

    leslie
  3. by   GadgetRN71
    Quote from shelly304
    I would love to tell some of our female patients to please wash their cooters BEFORE they come in for their gyno check-ups. I always keep a mask handy and have no problem whipping it on right in front of them!
    I work with a Doc who has no problem writing a prescription for a bar of SOAP!
    Not sure how I feel about this...I have a friend that does waxing and some of her clients come in for their brazilians after working out...which is not pleasant. I myself have had patients with an odor problem, but I'd never confront them with it. Some of these GYN patients have infections going on and they can't help it. I have no problem with people venting here, but I think the mask thing is a little harsh. Just my 2 cents.:uhoh21:
  4. by   shelly304
    I am speaking of patients who just don't bathe regularly. Like, oh, say a few times a month! Really! We actually had a pt. who had a hysterectomy and came in because she didn't know what was wrong with her incision. She had maggots!!!!! She had not even sponge-bathed in the 4 weeks prior to surgury. Ye gads! But these are the majority of my clinics patients. Do not mean to offend anyone!
  5. by   Ms Kylee
    For the last darn time... I am NOT your nurse.. I am your Patient Care Tech... I do not know what meds you are on, what time you get them, or anything else about your case. It's my job to make sure you're clean, dry, fed, bathed, and don't fall when you try to go to the bathroom yourself... when you've been ordered bedrest....

    The answers are not going to change in the next 5 minutes, so please forget you have a call bell....
  6. by   GadgetRN71
    Quote from shelly304
    I am speaking of patients who just don't bathe regularly. Like, oh, say a few times a month! Really! We actually had a pt. who had a hysterectomy and came in because she didn't know what was wrong with her incision. She had maggots!!!!! She had not even sponge-bathed in the 4 weeks prior to surgury. Ye gads! But these are the majority of my clinics patients. Do not mean to offend anyone!
    I hear you on the maggot thing..I've had a couple come through like that, and I find myself wondering how someone can't notice that their wounds have maggots in them. Maybe it's denial..
  7. by   CaseManager1947
    I work Trauma Case Management-

    1. Get up off your butt and work with PT/OT after that fx. SP ORIF, of the day. If you don't you will get pneumonia. blood clot, followed by PE, and DIE!!
    2. Yes Mr. Got Bucks: I'm getting your uninusred drunken son who wrecked his car a walker for his broken femur... it'll be here right after I locate the Dr. who is in a Level 1 trauma in the ED. Just like he was for your idiot son who was driving a motor vehicle with a .323 BAL.
    3. Yes Ms. Smythe... I understand it's hard that Pops is in the hospital; POPS age 93 had his licence revoked, still had a car sitting in the yard, and called the dealer to get more keys so he could wreck the Caddy while driving demented; so did you ever think of placing his &^% in a nursing home????
    4. Yes I know that fx pelvis and bil pubic rami hurts... It hurts because it IS fractured. When you jump off second floor balconies things break. They only start to hurt, tho, when the eightball and 2 pints of cheap vodka wear off.
    5. No Mr. Jones, we can't allow you to take your 89 year old mother back to live with your unemployed $%%! Geez. after all the neighbor heard her calling for help. and your butt was passed out from booze and pills in the next room... that's why she's on the guardianship express.
    Oh heck, there are probably more, but that was the past month, OK. Hey. you couldn't make this stuff up.
  8. by   Ms Kylee
    And would Y'all please stop yelling NURSE every time I walk down the hall to check on someone. I'm many years away from being a nurse... I'm a PCT.
  9. by   Nurse2184
    Just had to add something to this post when I saw it I work on a busy pp unit and have been there for almost 2 years. I was assessing a new admission and right in the middle of the assessment she looks at me and states "Get me some Coffee" in a rude demanding tone. I just finished assessing her and walked out of the room. I was not in the mood. It's sad how people cater to anyone that is impatient and rude, it just teaches them if they are rude/impatient than they will always get what they want.!
  10. by   SoundofMusic
    PLEASE, please, LOSE some of that weight and stop doing those drugs. It's just not good for you. There IS a better life -- it's called taking responsibility for yourself and your health. Get UP today, out of the bed, and detox it aaaaaallllll out -- then we'll start tomorrow.

    (I've really got to wonder what universal healthcare is going to do for all of these people -- if it's going to encourage more of it or what. I am really waiting with bated breath -- but I digress.)

    And to family members: I'm sorry, but I am not a doctor. I am a nurse. You need to talk to the boys/girls with the MD degree about your labs, your tests, your upcoming treatments, and your outcomes. And they just don't
    hang out here all day long, wating for you to come in. Things take time in a hospital. It's really not drive-by "instant" healthcare.

    And one more thing. You are NOT the only patient here. I'm taking care of perhaps 4 or 5 more of you, all with the same needs and questions. If you want a private room/nurse/doc, that means you are going to have to pay for it ...and you dont have that sort of money now, do you.
  11. by   UM Review RN
    To the patient/family who keeps trying to stop me as I go past their room:

    Remember how admission was a process and we had all those papers to fill out and orders to get before you could be treated? It's a PROCESS. Here's the news that nobody's ever told you, but I will -- a discharge is also a PROCESS. The PCP who admitted you is the doc who has to discharge you, I don't care which cardiac doc comes in and tells you that you're good to go, you still have to be OK'd by the neuro doc, the renal doc, and the pulmo doc. And NO, I have NO IDEA when they'll be in. Which I told you before you called your ride, who has already worn my patience thin by telling me that she has to leave.

    Go already! When the discharge is complete, we'll call you.

    To the docs who tell patients that they can "go home today" and give no further information on the d/c PROCESS, leading these people to believe that the doc says the word and they're out, literally: :sasq:
  12. by   SoundofMusic
    Or, to the patient who is requesting -- no, DEMANDING to know exactly what time they will be discharged the following day: Sorry, but discharge cannot be completed in a specific time frame. It depends on a lot of factors -- mainly, the results of your tests for one, on what the doctors decide to do as a result, and when they will be in.

    Sorry, but I have NO CONTROL over the results of your latest CT, MRI, labs, and/or recent stool tests. Wish I did, but I don't.
  13. by   UM Review RN
    Quote from SoundofMusic
    Or, to the patient who is requesting -- no, DEMANDING to know exactly what time they will be discharged the following day: Sorry, but discharge cannot be completed in a specific time frame. It depends on a lot of factors -- mainly, the results of your tests for one, on what the doctors decide to do as a result, and when they will be in.

    Sorry, but I have NO CONTROL over the results of your latest CT, MRI, labs, and/or recent stool tests. Wish I did, but I don't.
    To the same patient:

    Look, honey if it was up to me, you'd be gone already. Really.

    Because I only like to take care of people who are too sick to care if they go home, they just want to stay alive for a bit longer.

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