Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 199

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   Hygiene Queen
    "I'm sorry you think nurses are so 'dumb'... but *derrrrr* I guess you're right... *duhhhh*... so forgive me for being too dumb to navigate my way back to your room again any time soon..."

    *doh-di-do*
    which way do I go
    ? which way do I go?
    *drool*
  2. by   uRNmyway
    Quote from AngelfireRN
    I did say this the other day, and numerous times before.

    "I realize medication is expensive, and I hate that we don't have samples. This med is old, it's generic. I may be an NP, but I remember what it's like to not have a lot of money. I don't have a lot now. But I make responsible decisions on how I spend my money."

    Patient: "Well, how am I supposed to pay for this? It costs $XYZ per pill! "

    Me: "How many packs are you smoking a day?"

    Patient: "What difference does it make?"

    Me: "Because that is money that you could use to buy your medication, that's the difference."

    Patient: mutters something unintelligible and stomps out.
    My family calls me the Smoke-Nazi. I lecture them all on the health and financial benefits of quitting any chance I get. I try to get them to switch to the electric cigarette. I finally blew up one day after having a particularly rough talk, got emotional, and told my mom if her husband would not quit smoking or making poor dietary decisions, all it would do is make me regret more and more that HE survived his massive MI while my stepmother who lived life to its fullest, in a healthy way, died from post-op swelling by her brain-stem.
    I regretted it afterwards, but I cant help how I feel! I think a lot of us have felt that way with a lot of our patients too.
  3. by   uRNmyway
    Quote from redhead_NURSE98!
    Oh my God. I just scared my cat by laughing so loud at that. Who THINKS that kind of stuff, let alone says it? lol
    You'd be surprised how many times I've had completely insulted daddies telling me I absolutely will not check his son's temperature rectally because he is NOT gay. Makes you just shake your head and shudder that that person will be going home with an innocent, malleable child.
  4. by   uRNmyway
    Quote from opossum
    that makes total sense...i guess i just never thought of it (i should note that i am a new nurse.)

    but i digress...here's my rant for today:

    to patients' families: i know you are concerned about your loved one, but can you please not all call me at 0800 to get a detailed update on them? i'm new, i'm slow and no, i haven't seen them yet.

    Oh yea, on that note:
    "Do not call me at 8h00 to ask for an update on your family member. You called me yesterday at this time, same thing the day before. And what did I tell you then? That we are in the middle of shift chance, cannot answer your questions now, and to please call back later. Report time will not change tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after. So when you call at 8h00 tomorrow morning, we will tell you the same **** thing!
  5. by   uRNmyway
    Quote from mds1
    angelfire...
    just now got back in to read this thread....
    Yep, I have to say, I agree that in this case, you were justified in being upset with the LOL. I guess I was confused and thought this was a setting in the open, like a hosp nurses station, did not realize it was your office. I feel the same way about MY chair. I would have had to say something to her, as well, for being in my office and that not being an appropriate place for her to be. Thank you for clarifying further.......
    Well honestly, if a patient walked into the nurses station and commandeered one of our chairs, Id have told them to leave too, and go wait for me in their room. The nurses station is no place for a patient/family member. You know, that annoying thing called HIPAA...
  6. by   uRNmyway
    Quote from RN_10
    Once I was in the room speaking with the patient and saw the death grip he had on the buzzer. I did pry it out of his hand while I asked why are your pressing the buzzer? This was a case of forgetful vs. confused.
    Even worst when they do that and are fully alert and oriented. Ive had a patient look me straight in the face when I told him it would take a minute, lift his hand holding on to the call bell, and push down. I just had this image in my head of slowly wrapping it around his neck....walked out of the room shaking my head....
  7. by   NayRN
    I so said it...

    Me: "Well, the Dr. may not order an anesthesia consult for a PICC line. Those are usually used for people who need long-term antibiotics or other various other forms of longer-term IV therapy. Many people go home the same day after a lap chole, and this is your second post-op day. I realize that you need pain medication, and I understand your assertion that you would rather have parenteral dilaudid that than the Norco because it's the only thing that works. I am very sorry that 3 different nurses have attempted 2 times each and we are not able to obtain IV access. However, you seem to have a lot of scar tissue on your veins due to multiple hospitalizations." and (Not verbalized) other recreational use which you have told us about. "I will page the Dr. now and ask him about the PICC line and what else we can do for pain control."

    A little while later...

    Me: "Hi Dr. this is NayRN calling about you patient. She is requesting a PICC line for her pain medication because we are unable to maintain peripheral IV access. She states she is in severe pain and only parenteral dilaudid will do."

    Dr: "I don't want to do a PICC line. She will probably go home tomorrow."

    Me: "I did mention that to her. She insisted that I call you, however. May we change the order to IV or IM administration?"

    Dr: "That sounds good. Use the same dose for IM administration. Thank you."

    A little while later...

    Me: "I have your pain medication! We can give this dilaudid into a muscle using a much smaller needle than those darn IVs!"

    Patient: "ok"

    A little while later....

    Me: "Did the pain medication work?"

    Patient: I don't know, I can't feel it!"

    I know, if it doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks, we are doing something wrong. I guess I'm more the passive-agressive type. He He.
  8. by   BanoraWhite
    To patients families...

    * Please don't walk into a room in the middle of a code to complain that your relative has been waiting five minutes for a cup of coffee.

    * If you are sick and contagious, please don't visit the ward, let alone ask the nurses for some random medications, then get angry when we wont give them to you.

    * Pushing the doctors out of the way, screaming in your relatives face and slapping them isn't helping the code situation...I know you are worried but please stand back.

    *The medical team is trying to help your loved one, and we aren't impressed when you stand in front of us on your cell phone calling us those "dumb fat black *censored* who don't know what they are doing".

    *Don't be offended when we don't know who "Mom" or "Dad" is. We have a lot of patients here, could you give us a name at least?

    *If you think I am "too young" to be a nurse, feel free to request someone older. But be aware I have been nursing longer than them ! Age doesnt necessarily equal experience.
  9. by   rammstein
    Quote from AngelfireRN
    Well, I'll probably get slammed for this too, but Nocturne, hon, THINK about what you're saying. Yes, I speak Spanish. Why? I learned in high school, 12 years ago, because even then I could see the handwriting on the wall. I did it because I WANTED to.

    However, I did not, and do not feel that it's my duty to learn a plethora of languages because the immigrants and transplants that choose to come over can't be bothered to learn English. I hate it, but my ability to treat and prescribe and NOT KILL YOU by giving you a med you're allergic to is severely hampered if you have made no attempt to facilitate communication. I left my little Star Trek doowhatcher at home, so no go on the body scan physical, either.

    You plan to live here, learn the language. It's that simple. Well, along with getting your legal papers and SSN and a job and all that other not-politically-correct mess.

    And I won't even go into the Death Squad thing. Suffice it to say I think they have a point to a degree.

    OK, lets see, goggles? Check. Marshmallows? Check. Asbestos underoos? Check. Let the flames begin!

    I know this post is old, but I'm reading them all from the beginning and this is like the fifth time I've seen this come up, so I just had to point out: THERE IS NO OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE UNITED STATES. As much as English might dominate, it's not our official language. Some states have recently declared their own official language, but we don't have a national one.
    Look it up if you don't believe me.
    USA.gov: * Official Language of the U.S.
  10. by   rammstein
    Quote from gymnut
    "
    Plus every ******* time she eats it sounds like one long orgasm.

    "OH mmmmmm, Oh God" 'smack, chomp, chew' "Ahhhh, oohhhh"

    hahahahaha

    i totally work with a woman like that.
  11. by   rammstein
    Quote from Lynx25
    You peed all over the wall.... ALL DAY

    If your psychotic screaming wife comes and tells me ONE MORE TIME that it smells like urine, I will give her a bleach wipe and toss her out the window.


  12. by   AngelfireRN
    "Um....say WHAT?"

    This, after a new patient gave us 2 urine samples: the first a clean (for drugs) sample that looked like Mountain Dew, and then gave us a second sample that was + for opiates and benzos when we dinged him.

    He called a week later, wondering why his meds were not called in. I told him about the discrepancy in the samples and asked him point-blank if the urines were different.

    "Oh, yeah...that first was a fake (as in synthetic urine), the second was mine. So, you're still gonna call my meds in, right?"
  13. by   rammstein
    Finally finished the whole thread!


    "It doesn't matter how many people ask me the same question, the answer is still the same! NO!"

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