Please Don't Judge Patients

[NurseLife88]

Its not easy to be a nurse, nor is it easy to be human at that. We make mistakes. We have feelings. We have opinions. And we also have judgements because thats human nature. But we are nurses. We should strive for excellence in health and it is our job and duty to do. So although after 10 hours on shift we may be tired, irritated, frustrated, and quite possibly stewing over the judgements we have made about this patient or that patient. I believe as nurses we can rise to the challenge of trying not to judge our patients. It is not easy and of course we may catch ourselves doing it, but in the moments we do catch ourselves lets try to just take a step back, breathe, and remember we are all imperfect humans. Plus...it never hurts to try.

Last night was a rough one. As I attempted to lay a patient down for the 15th time I slowly found myself in a state of total irritation. Thinking in my head why does she keep doing this? I swear this only happens to me! Ok, now she is doing it on purpose! And lastly I found myself thinking wth is wrong with you?!? But as slowly as the irritation came on it quickly subsided when i heard her say..."Im sorry i cant sleep, my brain wont."

This stopped me from what i was doing as I was reminded of why i was there. I was there bc she needed help, because she needed to be safe and well. I was there to do a job, not to judge her and wonder almost aloud what was "wrong" with her. I took a moment, we sat down, we watched TV, we talked about why her brain wont work. She smiled and laughed for no reason...so did I. After an hour, guess who was ready for bed? After doing the bedtime routine for the umpteenth time I found myself alone and in silence.

But I also found myself with a new way of thinking and the simple way of thinking can change so much for so many. Because as nurses our job is to provide care to people during what is likely some of the most difficult and trying times of their lives. We also tend to major catalyst in the way someone is cared for. We are all human and during rough times we may not always be at our finest moments or remember how much our small actions and thoughts affect the way we treat others and reflect how we feel towards them. We must remember this about our patients always but we must also remember this when it comes to our fellow nurses and all humans alike.

When you see the man yelling at all the staff down the hall and you think to yourself geez what a grumpy old man. Or when your brain injured client ask you the same question 13 times in 5 minutes, you think omg why do keep asking the same question?!? Or when you never seem to see the parents of that 4 year old peds patient and think to yourself, I would never leave my kid alone in the hospital. Well during these moments remember to stop, take a breath and not judge. Maybe that old man knows he is dying and is having a difficult time coping. Maybe that brain injured client didn't ask to be hit by a drunk driver and spend the rest of her life permanently confused. And maybe that parent you never see is struggling to work full time and provide for the other 3 children still at home.

In times of sadness, illness, life changes, and everything in between let's all stop to remember our patients are only human, just as we all our. Our job is not to judge those whom we don't know, but to heal our patients and provide them with care and comfort during times of distress or need. Sometimes a simple smile or words of encouragement go far beyond what you know. And sometimes when we open our eyes just a little wider we learn to accept the fault of being human and we also allow ourselves to see our patients as they truly are...not as just another patient but as a person.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I mentioned LPN because I was that before an RN, yes they are both nurses so it speaks to my nursing history. Yes my job duties are the same, minus yearly health reviews of my patients. Work in a RCF facility and you would know it is anything but easy, most days I am lucky to leave unscathed bc of the violent nature of many of my patients. I have been chased with hammers, hit, kicked, spit on, and so much more. So no I wouldn't say it is easy to do this job. Also this particular patient in my story has a specific plan in place for times when they can't sleep included in this plan is the use of media and talking to help enlist a calming effect. I have plenty of experience both in life and nursing to be able to voice an opinion on not judging others. You don't need to be a nurse to learn to be more tolerant and accepting but this is a field where it definitely comes in handy. I simply stated my opinion after having a rough night, not because other people have to listen but because it never hurts to share. Unless of course you share on allnurses...then expect to be eaten alive for a small comment or have your experience and credentials questioned by people whom know nearly nothing about you.

You have your opinion, we have ours. No one is perfect & even though we are nurses, we are not angels. To expect nurses to stop judging patients is just plain crazy. I have worked corrections & LTC, I know how dangerous & hectic working conditions can be. You can't expect people to have the same opinion as you.

I was simply confused by you previous post as it wasn't clear to me. I never questioned your creditials, just wanted a better understanding.

[NurseLife88, ADN, RN]

I don't expect others to share my opinion. Part of what makes us human is the fact we all have different opinions. Nor do I expect people to stop judging as that also is part of our being human. I simply wanted to get people to think about taking a step back from the thoughts/opinions that may rule in your head as you care for that diabetic patient on his 10th cup of ice cream and see the patient as another fallible human just like all the rest of us. Of course we will all still judge but to try to do less of it never hurt anyone.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I don't expect others to share my opinion. Part of what makes us human is the fact we all have different opinions. Nor do I expect people to stop judging as that also is part of our being human. I simply wanted to get people to think about taking a step back from the thoughts/opinions that may rule in your head as you care for that diabetic patient on his 10th cup of ice cream and see the patient as another fallible human just like all the rest of us. Of course we will all still judge but to try to do less of it never hurt anyone.

But if that diabetic patient who is on his 10th cup of ice cream keeps coming into the hospital for care related to his diabetes, at some point that's not being fallible. That person is making a conscious decision to possibly kill themselves.

My maternal grandmother had diabetes & didn't change her eating habits. This led to her toes having to be cut off & her eventual death.

I have a hard time having pity/sympathy/empathy for someone who is making a decision to hurt themselves over & over & then complain about it.

Remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over but expecting different results.

[Chisca, RN]

I'll consider that the next time a patient threatens to punch me in the face because I ask them to not cover their dialysis access. When I should be calling the police and having them arrested.

[NurseLife88, ADN, RN]

Lol I'm sorry I find this funny bc it really does work every last nerve being threatened by a patient for the most miniscule of things but personally these are the times I find it is best to just take your mind from the situation at hand and do what I need to do to get the job done and move along to the next. But this is only me, different things work for different people. I once had a patient attack me punching, kicking, hitting, the whole nine. I was pregnant at the time and she purposely would go for my stomach. Of course I found myself judging this ******* crazy woman for what she was doing, but when I later found out she had had not one but two forcible abortions and it gave me a little more insight as to why she was crazy to begin with. Not saying this is the norm or that everyone has a reason to do what they do, just saying we are human we all have our own forms of crazy. May be the diabetic on ten cups of ice cream, the patient punching u in the face, or the lady that pushes the call light every five seconds. Annoying, yes. Crazy, yes. Human, yes.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

Lol I'm sorry I find this funny bc it really does work every last nerve being threatened by a patient for the most miniscule of things but personally these are the times I find it is best to just take your mind from the situation at hand and do what I need to do to get the job done and move along to the next. But this is only me, different things work for different people. I once had a patient attack me punching, kicking, hitting, the whole nine. I was pregnant at the time and she purposely would go for my stomach. Of course I found myself judging this ******* crazy woman for what she was doing, but when I later found out she had had not one but two forcible abortions and it gave me a little more insight as to why she was crazy to begin with. Not saying this is the norm or that everyone has a reason to do what they do, just saying we are human we all have our own forms of crazy. May be the diabetic on ten cups of ice cream, the patient punching u in the face, or the lady that pushes the call light every five seconds. Annoying, yes. Crazy, yes. Human, yes.

Please use the quote button so we know who you are talking to.

The diabetic eating unhealthy is one thing (annoying) but getting physically attacked is another & is never ok. I would never excuse someone attacking me just because they have A/B/C history. Those people are making a choice. It's not like the diabetic accidentally fell into a pool of ice cream or the person attacking you was possessed. None of what you described would make me stop judging someone. Their care wouldn't change but how I view them will.

I just can't look at someone who isn't making an effort to change & boohoo over them. I am pregnant, have gestational diabetes & gallstones. I had to drastically change the way I ate. Do you think my OBGYN or endocrinologist would have sympathy for me if I kept eating unhealthy & made my baby sick? No. I would get a very stern talking to about my decisions. My previous pregnancy I was not as sick & ate like I was having a horse. My OBGYN talked to me multiple times about my eating habits & told me to stop. He never made excuses for me & was always very direct. The same with those people. There are consequences for every action; good & bad.

I will never ever ever let it be ok when a negative conscious decision is made. People can make their own minds up but when I have to take care of them time after time because of it & listen to them whine & moan about it (or be on the opposite end of abuse), it's not ok.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

I judge (not my baby patients, but their parents and the patients on my adult med-surg floor).

Why?

Because I'm human.

Nurses aren't robots. We have feelings and values. The key is to keep our judgments and attitudes to ourselves and to treat our patients with respect.

Except that judgment is not a feeling. You are essentially saying the same thing as the OP. You can feel frustrated, irritated. But let it stop there. Don't let it progress to blaming or judging the patient.

[NurseLife88, ADN, RN]

Please use the quote button so we know who you are talking to.

The diabetic eating unhealthy is one thing (annoying) but getting physically attacked is another & is never ok. I would never excuse someone attacking me just because they have A/B/C history. Those people are making a choice. It's not like the diabetic accidentally fell into a pool of ice cream or the person attacking you was possessed. None of what you described would make me stop judging someone. Their care wouldn't change but how I view them will.

I just can't look at someone who isn't making an effort to change & boohoo over them. I am pregnant, have gestational diabetes & gallstones. I had to drastically change the way I ate. Do you think my OBGYN or endocrinologist would have sympathy for me if I kept eating unhealthy & made my baby sick? No. I would get a very stern talking to about my decisions. The same with those people. There are consequences for every action; good & bad.

It's not about having sympathy or empathy for other people. Nor is about making excuses for the people we treat. It's about understanding the fallibility of humans. None of us are perfect including our patients. We all make choices...one of them being to judge other people on the small part of them or their lives we see. But It seems I can't make a simple comment without it turning into a debate. I respect others opinions without being rude or judgemental just think it would be nice if everyone was afforded that same opportunity.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

It's not about having sympathy or empathy for other people. Nor is about making excuses for the people we treat. It's about understanding the fallibility of humans. None of us are perfect including our patients. We all make choices...one of them being to judge other people on the small part of them or their lives we see. But It seems I can't make a simple comment without it turning into a debate. I respect others opinions without being rude or judgemental just think it would be nice if everyone was afforded that same opportunity.

I just don't understand what you are saying. Don't judge them but we are human & will judge people. Don't you think our patients judge us? So just because we become nurses we should stop judging people? Doctor's judge, police officers judge, fire fighters judge. Because they are all human. When we become nurses we don't become angels or superhuman. It is just a career & we still judge people.

You were making excuses for the patient. Saying it was ok as to why that woman attacked you. I don't care what a person's history is, it's never ok to be violent towards another person.

You don't have to defend your position but you came onto the Internet with your opinion, you shouldn't be surprised (or offended) that other nurses feel differently.

So you don't judge anyone, ever? I find that hard to believe. Everyone does it, consciously or not. Do you have friends? If you do you judged them & thought about if you wanted to be friends with them.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

Except that judgment is not a feeling. You are essentially saying the same thing as the OP. You can feel frustrated, irritated. But let it stop there. Don't let it progress to blaming or judging the patient.

All judgment is, is an opinion (according to Merriam-Webster). Obviously we keep those judgments to ourselves & shouldn't let it affect our work. Why do you get irritated or frustrated? Because you made an opinion about your patient. It happens, we're only human.

Remember, opinions are like buttholes. Everyone has one but they think each other's stink.

[Emergent, RN]

I think it's important to stay pleasantly detached with patients. Detachment is highly valued in many spiritual practices. It allows one to carry out necessary duties without being negatively affected. Ultimately, it benefits you.

I'll see colleagues rant and rail about all the social ills, bad behavior, abuse of the system, annoying frequent flyers, ect. I say, why allow any of this to disturb my peace of mind?

[NurseLife88, ADN, RN]

I just don't understand what you are saying. Don't judge them but we are human & will judge people. Don't you think our patients judge us? So just because we become nurses we should stop judging people? Doctor's judge, police officers judge, fire fighters judge. Because they are all human. When we become nurses we don't become angels or superhuman. It is just a career & we still judge people.

You were making excuses for the patient. Saying it was ok as to why that woman attacked you. I don't care what a person's history is, it's never ok to be violent towards another person.

You don't have to defend your position but you came onto the Internet with your opinion, you shouldn't be surprised (or offended) that other nurses feel differently.

So you don't judge anyone, ever? I find that hard to believe. Everyone does it, consciously or not. Do you have friends? If you do you judged them & thought about if you wanted to be friends with them.

I am neither suprised nor offended as that is my nature and as stated i posted online so i expected responses and diffeing opinions. So for clarification I do see now maybe I should have changed my title to "let's all remember to stop, breathe, and take a step back" and then possibly people would understand the message I wanted to convey. Which is that yes we are human and make mistakes. Yes we all judge people (some of us more often than others.) I was not trying to just explicitly say " hey everyone stop judging now!" I was more so attempting to get people to take a step back when they catch themselves doing it, and see beyond whatever it is you may be judging in the moment to see the picture as a whole. That doesn't mean you won't still think your patient is an *******, but it does helps to stay focused on whatever job you have to do and just get it done. Regardless of how we feel about our patients. When we judge people all those things we are judging can change the way we view a person, and for some that change in view correlates to a change in care. So no I was not trying to say don't judge anyone ever, I mean really we all know that's not really humanly possible. I was just trying to put out there to try and take a step back from those judgements as hard as that can sometimes be.