Passive/Aggressive

passing thru · Jan 10, 2003

I never have understood exactly what the docs mean when they write in their progress notes that a patient is passive-aggressive. I can understand aggressive-aggressive. What would a passive-passive person do?

I think a lot of us were raised that it isn't nice to be confrontational or to critisise or to complain.

A lot of women just will not be assertive. Do you all really think this puts them into a psychiatric box labeled passive-aggressive personality?

Later, when it is safe, they reveal the prior nurses shortcomings and most label it as "gossip."

I don't think the majority of people would consider this a psychological diagnosis.

Sleepyeyes · Jan 10, 2003

Originally posted by mopsi
Well ..heres an issue I run across..When I start out with a new group I test the waters..Point out things they missed, show them how I fixed it it to cover their Butts..and ask for the same courtesy in return..Trying to set a relationship of team work and save the Big stuff for management....It has never failed in 12 years that this will be abused and violated usually within a few weeks..When confroting the Honeys they become even more aggresive and vindictive in thier quest to RUN to management and even make up things to tattle on...All the while smiling to my face..it baffles me to this day and I am wholehartedly convinced this continues to be the root of all evil with repsect to the Low Standing of Nurses overall..Management keeps tally to keep wages lower when its time for your review...and I doubt if there is really any monentary compensation for the RATS..just some cheap bizzare scoring they use to justify "WHO"S THE BEST NURSE"....I have seen people set up..people given NO HELP when needed,people so on the dirt list they have lost thier jobs really based nothing more on the tactics of a pack of Bullies..and no The patients do not benefit from this..The nurses do not benefit from this..The familes of the Nurses do not benefit from this..You all have experienced it..Think about it who even benefited...One sour She Devil for about 2 minutes,,Jeeze talk about total Negativity with a pointless outcome..+*+*+**+*+*****+*+*+*+*(Positive Dust and some good thoughts for all the good people out there trying to make a small difference)

I always figure that when we quit, those toxic folks get what they deserve---more short-staffing.... longer hours.....more OT.....

now, where's that evil grin smiley?

nimbex, RN · Jan 10, 2003

My soap box has been that I always do the best I can, when able do the best to set up the next shift, back up IV's hanging... changing tubings due one hour into thier shift ect.

When I can't even finish my work some days I'm OK that when we give report and I say "....... isn't done, I was too busy, I'm sorry".... that I won't accept any BS about it because it's not often.

Should a whiner not realize I'm giving it 110%, then I remind them.... that's why there is 24 hours in a day, and I'm only scheduled for 1/2 of it.

I believe that if 90% of the time you're finished.... people know that other 10% was undoable..... those that can't grasp the concept.... aren't worthy of my worries.

And yep! I'll call them on that crap gossip in a minute, infront of their "audience"!

I'm lucky to have only 1 or two of these mongers in a group of about 22!

FullMoonMadness · Jan 10, 2003

I too have a problem with the backstabber. I have yet to meet Gods perfect nurse,and doubt that I ever will. If I find somthing that has caused no harm,and can fix it,I do. If harm has been done,well that is a different story. I work on an unbelievably stressful unit as I am sure we all do. As long as we are forced to have 7 acute pts to care for,we are going to make mistakes/omissions from time to time.The important thing is the pts wellbeing. I am to old,lifes to short and I don't have time for the he said/she said games that can be plyed when certain nurses try to sabotage others.

researchrabbit · Jan 10, 2003

I left my last job due to someone who always had to be "the good nurse" at the expense of everyone else. I am so much happier and less stressed in my new place.

Totone656 · Jan 11, 2003

I am so glad I came upon this thread and to learn this week has been as bad for others as it has been for myself.

This morning during report one of the "Goddess" of the 7-3 shift started ranting about a test which was to be put in. I tried very hard to explain the 24 hours chart checks done by one of the other nurses would have caught the mistake if it hadn't been put in. Her rant included how she is always having to pick up other peoples mistakes. Now if she knew the test was going to happen and she took the order on it; then why didn't she wait and make sure it had been ordered? So I just looked at her and told her to write it up!

One of the 11-7 nurses who work the same shift as I, got her panties in a ruffle about an admission. Sure is funny that when she gets a transfer from the unit it counts as an admission, but when I get one it doesn't. So she promptly looked at me and said, "Don't you assign my rooms!" Hey wait, she assigned mine! I told the supervisor to make sure I get all the admits so she couldn't say a word about admits!

Frankly I am so tired of the back biting and witching I don't care! I sure am glad it is Friday!

travel2lv · Jan 11, 2003

Why, oh why, can't we all get along? If we don't respect each other we can't expect others (non nursing) to do so. I've had to deal with passive agressive nurses too, boy, at the least they're draining and at the worst dangerous. t2l , from la la land, my contract just ended and I'm off for a few weeks.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jan 11, 2003

Originally posted by Julielpn
OOhhhhhhh......
Just the other night, I walked up on the nurse I was to take over for to hear her say to someone on the phone... "She didn't do sh** last night!"
When she saw me, she hemmed and hawed around, and hung up the phone.
I said, "So, I didn't do anything last night, huh?"
So she gets very defensive and starts in about how nebulizer tubing wasn't changed and treatments weren't done and so on and so on.
I agreed, and told her that at the time tubing was to be chganged, I had a woman on the floor on her head...which was more important? and as far as treatments to be done...most were done....(like 2 weren't).
And....I was informed that a catheter needed to be changed, but the patient told this nurse I didn't know how to change one. (Where was it marked on the TX sheet that it needed to be done on this night? It wasn't marked at all! And it did get changed...)
Last but not least....I did inform this nurse that although I get to as much as I could, no, I didn't get to it all. I am a new nurse, only just passed my 3 month anniversary as a LPN, with absolutely no orientation, and I am trying to do the best I can. And no, I don't get everything done every night trying to muddle through and learn things on my own, and if she has anything else to say about me, I would appreciate her saying it to me.
She ended up apologising, but it still grates on me.
Worst thing is, I thought she was my friend. Now I really see what it's all about.
Lately~ crap is really getting bad......

Life is tough enough without us supporting one another. That's nursing for you, everyone is stressed, it's o.k. to stab each other in the back and gossip and talk about each other, then smile to their face.

People love giving me report, because it doesn't matter what you didn't do. I'm very easy going. I don't care, I'll do it, and I promise not to talk bad about you. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU DIDN'T DO! I don't care if you didn't do anything and want me to do your entire shifts work, just let me know what I'm up against.

I'll give you the same courtesy. I'll tell you what I didn't get to. You can talk about me if you want to. Doesn't bother me, because I know I'm a good nurse and a hard worker. You opinion of me doesn't matter. (Just don't lie. I hate liars.)

passing thru · Jan 11, 2003

Are you still discussing passive-aggressive behaviors or just bytching now? There are some nursing behaviors that are shameful. I never realized females could be so mean. I prefer to work with a group of men any day. Maybe this is the topic of another thread.

I have noticed men are not as willing to belittle each other and make up lies.

eddy · Jan 11, 2003

Ruh Roh..... Time for a male to chime in.... hehe....

Honestly, this stuff happens all the time. I just smile and go my own merry way. I think we all probably have an admin's/director's pet in every bunch. I actually kinda get a kick out of the whole thing. You know... it's that old bag that seems connected at the hip to the administrative/supervisory staff yet out of all this buttkissing has never managed to get to the same ranks as those who she kisses up to so often.

I know this sounds bad but I think nursing is actually a magnet to people like this. They are the ones that need to feel depended on. They need to feel important. As a result, they chose a career that makes them feel "needed". No matter what, no one will ever measure up to that person (in their eyes). They are actually very insecure people who are merely trying to bring others down a level in others eyes so as to cover up for their own shortcomings.

Bottom line brush it off. If everyone did, they would give up and leave and the world would be a better place. :)

-eddy

RNFROG3, BSN, RN · Jan 11, 2003

eeeeks-- I have a slightly different view on this but first let me say that passive aggressive and backstabbing has no place in nurseing. I agree wholeheartedly. I have to admit though I was(I hope it is and will always be in past tense) one of those nurses. I didn't so much start tallking about another person as agree to what was being said and yet I wanted to get along with everyone so I tried to be nice. It wsn't until my hero-a nurse who has been a nurse forever pointed out my destuructive behavior that I even realised what I was doing. For me I think it came from being the child of an alcoholic-I never wanted to make waves, always wanted to please everyone, conflict caused a big knot in my stomach so it was to be avoided at all times. It hasn't been easy to change and I find myself really having to bite my lip to keep from falling into old traps but being more vocal about how I feel and confronting those who have made me upset is very empowering. It doesn't always fix or solve the problem but I feel better about myself when I lay my head down to sleep.

For those of you who know me personnally on this board I hope you've notiecied the change and will continue to help me not be one of those weasels!

Granted Fal · Jan 11, 2003

The first rule of thumb is to always CYA (cover your 'butt') with your duties and charting. I have experience with such people and many times more than not, it's your approach and work that threatens what they are used to doing, especially if you are new and haven't become entrenched. I'm an overachiever, usually, and a firm believer that my work speaks for itself. Everyone, even the veterens make mistakes, but consistent mistakes are a real problem. The only problem I run into is the attempts of passive aggressive people to draw you into their strife. Some contemptuous people can really make this tempting, but in the end the only real product is your work, not what people say about you. I kill these types with kindness, and try to assist them as much as i can. Eventually the aggression ceases and your competence shines through and can't be challenged.