My God, these family members!! - page 6

They are just killing me. Why is it that so many of them feel so entitled to sit in their aging parents rooms and just boss us nurses to HELL and back, while they sit there, fully able to do much of... Read More

  1. Visit  SoundofMusic profile page
    6
    I agree that at some point, AT ADMISSION, families need to receive some education on how we can best meet their expectations. If I am to treat others like my own family, then it is fitting that family members must treat US in kind. I do not appreciate, that as a nurse, others are allowed to stomp all over me with no repercussions.

    And I truly and utterly agree with someone here to said that managers could not possibly TRULY care about patients if they allow all of this to compromise their care. Perhaps if it was all marketed that way, hospitals would see an increase in their admissions!!

    The other day I had a family going nuts on me, and so I just sent in my manager. Simple as that. They had been doing it all day, and I was exhausted from being their punching bag. Forget it. Let the managers deal with them. It's how I'm going to attempt to survive from now on. I don't get paid enough to deal with it on a front line basis all day long and give safe and effective nursing care at the same time. NO MORE.
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  3. Visit  surfchickRN profile page
    1
    Quote from moonischasingme1

    As he was leaving, he said, "Now, I want you to get the tech to do peri care...i don't want YOU TO DO IT, I WANT THE TECH TO DO IT~"
    I said, "I can do it, it's not a big deal."
    "NO, no, no, no. When I came to America from Italy, i was SHOCKED to see nurses carrying trey's, delivering food, and doing the work of a tech. THAT IS NOT YOUR JOB!"
    I told him that I am not above doing anything a tech does. He said I need to be doing other things, like communicating with the doctors and meds, etc. I told him yes, but I don't always have a tech to do some of these things. He was like, "THEN THEY NEED TO HIRE SOME MORE!"

    DUHH~!!!!

    I was just kind of shocked by this since usually it seems a lot of doctors only think of us as the jobs that techs do. It was kind of refreshing, but I was still taken aback by how adamant he was that I DO NOT DO PERI CARE!

    This is awesome. Hands down. We lost one tech on our floor and basically I quit my job over an incident where a patient didn't get a bath (it's 4:00pm by now), because I had 4 other patients with blood to hang and no meal break yet!! AWESOME
    dhinson45 likes this.
  4. Visit  errosmith profile page
    2
    We have a spot in the chart for psych/soc aspects of the patient with dropdown boxes such as "demanding", "combative", "hostile", "withdrawn".

    As a patient and a health care worker, such documentation covers everyones bottom. However, this documentation punishes the patient and labels them as a "problem patient". Patients can be difficult for many reasons and that often is not taken into account.
    The last time I was in the hospital (renal) I was very sick and not demanding...hence I was vunerable, Never in my life have I been treated and spoken to in such a hostile manner by nursing staff than this time. When I started to feel better, I spoke up to protect myself.
    I was in the hospital for 6 days and was moved three times, once at midnight! I was yelled at by the dialysis nurse because I was not ready to go to dialysis at 7am. I was still asleep at that time and had not brushed my teeth, gone to the bathroom, washed up etc. I had requested the night before to be informed of the time dialysis would be taking me and no one had an answer. My dignity and comfort were never taken into account. I had the lab draw blood without using gloves, techs and nurses not washing hands before patient contact or rubbing their noses with gloves on and then starting an IV, laying in a sweaty bed for two days (high fever) and no one changing linens, being kept awake though out the night by laughing nurses in the halls, no towels available to wash with, being woken up at 4 am to be weighed, even though a weight is taken prior to dialysis on the renal floor. Being woken up thoughout the night to take a bp and then 15 minutes later being woken up to take a temp and pulse ox. Waking up with leads off (tele floor) and no one bothered to check on this. None of this was critical and I was not in ICU, BUT it all adds up and wears you down so you do become hostile and withdrawn. and you hope that you are strong enough to fight back and live.
    I have had to go the the hospital (ER) three times in the past few months and I will say that I dread it. I feel that nursing staff can't wait to tell me how much they are being put out by my being there. I hate that with the economy or staff stress they are taking it out on the patient. We have no choice
    psalm and trixie333 like this.
  5. Visit  mandoman profile page
    5
    I have had this problem in spades. I have had three different groups of family members following me up and down the hall(and into other patients rooms) because I am neglecting their mother, father, sister, brother whatever. When you push them out they report you for abuse and neglect. Part of the problem, besides a sense of entitlement, is admissions personnel or liasons are telling these people, "Why this is just like a hotel! You will have a nurse that speaks only your mother's language and her every need will be anticipated and met." Sorry, I dont speak Farsi or Urdu or Hindi or Spanish or anyother language but Marine Corps. What I am saying, is there is an expectation being built up that we can not and should not be required to meet. But due to competition the pressure is on to put patients in beds and these people who most are not medical personnel will say anything to meet their goals and get those bonuses. You cant make them understand exactly what it is we do and I tell them," I dont provide maid service and I dont fetch coffee or anything else. I take care of the patient's medical needs end of story." I have been doing this for a very long time, but in the last 5 years it has got increasingly worse. And that's my rant, sorry if I have offended anyone.
    JacknSweetpea, ShifraPuah, psalm, and 2 others like this.
  6. Visit  leenie123 profile page
    1
    Wow, Unbelievable, so many of us share so much the same no matter where we live & work! I loved nursing, and gave my all for my pts the hosp I worked several yrs oncology, and med/surg. After moving to another state though & working in nursing homes between admin working usa short most the time, and fifty mill interuptions all shift;I usually had a whole unit to do meds,Iv's,txs. Seldom got breaks. Some days you would feel so used & abused at the end of shift. Had Murphy vss me alot thenCharting got done at end of shift after report to next shift, etc, and then admin got on you cuz you were still there finishing up charts, incident reports,etc. Unbelievable No longer work there, but wound up with bad back, and knee from all the wear, tear, and stress. Pt's nor their families realize what the nursing staff is put thru any given day! You are right that you have to set limits, or you will get run ragged, and burned out! Nurses are not pd their worth, and expected to do the impossible! When I worked the night shift at another facility they really expected you to be super woman. You'd have 50 pt's to do meds & txs, and and be charge nurse for the unit! How I ever stuck with that for a yr I don't know as I'm not a night person and usually got only 5-6 hrs sleep a day! A 10 speed accidant put an end to that job though; due to the long recovery! When I started nursing I floated alot to diff units to help out, and that was good, as you got oriented to diff units, and staff. Maybe in yrs to come things will improve Leenie.
    dhinson45 likes this.
  7. Visit  Ruby Vee profile page
    26
    Quote from penguin67
    as a nurse, i have been on the "other side" when i spent one week in the hospital with my mom following heart surgery. also, the heart monitor alarm kept me awake more than i wanted (hers, as well as the many at the station that was right outside of her room), so i was somewheat sleep deprived, and frankly wanted to rest a bit sometimes.
    i came to be with her from 400 miles away, and did not know my way from her house to the hospital, so i wasn't able to leave for about a week. also, it was snowing and freezing outside, so just leaving for a walk wasn't an option. i was told that they only had one rollaway bed, and that someone else was using it. i was there for a week, and really wonder if this highly respected and huge hospital in pittsburgh really could only find one rollaway bed. so, i got to sleep in a recliner that didn't recline much at all, because cardiac patients can't recline in the recovery phase. so, i was sleep deprived, not sleeping well with nosie, and sleeping in a very uncomfortable position as a result of the chair that i was given to sleep in.
    .
    i hope your mother is doing well now.

    but not knowing the way from your mother's house to the hospital is not the hospital's problem. nor is the weather. you didn't have to spend the night in your mother's hospital room, and i'm sure the nurses would have been much more visible to your mom if they didn't know you were there. your sleep deprivation and exhaustion happened because you chose to stay in your mother's room 24/7 instead of making the more sensible choice to go elsewhere to sleep so that you would be rested and refreshed enough to make good decisions when you were there.

    before you call me heartless and tell me that i just don't understand, let me tell you that i've been hospitalized recently as have my parents. i do understand.
  8. Visit  Ruby Vee profile page
    3
    Quote from rnperdiem
    i hear you.
    i work weekend days when all the close and distant relatives can come visit.
    thankfully nurses do have some control over visitors in icu and there is no food(except for some cans of tube feed) to fetch and carry.
    the families described, i know well. families who are that needy when their loved ones are in icu are a terror for floor nurses.
    whatever gave you the idea that icu nurses have any control over visitors or that there is no food? and families who are that needy when their loved one is in the icu often go home when the loved one transfers out to the floor!
  9. Visit  RandeeN profile page
    0
    remember to ask the patient what his pain scale is...you may want to confirm that with the pain in the tushie family member what is their pain scale. Can you feel their pain?sometimes we can. love your job.
    Last edit by RandeeN on Apr 22, '09 : Reason: pain in the buttocks
  10. Visit  RandeeN profile page
    1
    Quote from RandeeN
    this is a synario that will reappear forever. Families are there for their family member. they do not know or care what you do, for how many, how tired or stressed you are. or pretty much anything you would expect them to know. all they care about is themselves and what they want.They were not educated in hospital process,or how to interact with personnal. it is probably printed clearly in the admission packet,but you know very well, that no one ever really reads or studies that document...God knows they have the time,cause they are there. Perhaps you could direct them to the nurse manager when you have exhausted your first or second line of defense or explanations. Give them a verbal contract on what you will do and when for them..most often, with families like this, nothing will be good enough. Try to include the doctor...When he makes his rounds, go in with him and direct their concerns to him. This may or may not take someof the burden off of you. Take your breaks. try not to multitask a million things at once. Burnout is a progressive and debilitating process, and not to sound like i know it all, but I'm in the process of recovery from it. Encourance your facility to do a burnout seminar. Use what ever resourses you have to relieve yourself of these pressures. Don't give up. Your nursing career will have many challenges in it. Families is just one. Everbody is an individual and needs to be treated as such. Patients/families are a package deal. Don't expect them to know or understand,even thoiugh you have gone over it. Don't expect anything from anybody but yourself and then you won't get disappointed. This is the gospell....God bless you, and pray for the still,will,and the Holy Spirit to be with you in every room you go into. Keep up the good work,and get help when you get frustrated...you need to. :heartbeat
    Last edit by RandeeN on Apr 22, '09 : Reason: GOD referencefor those whom are belivers
    dhinson45 likes this.
  11. Visit  BornHealer profile page
    1
    Penguin67:
    Thank You so much for your post --- It was an eye opener to say the least. I've been there myself on some occasions -But not nearly to the extent that you were (the staff knows you're a RN, so, they start letting you --help out a little - and before you know it - they're actually depending on you - And
    expecting you to perform much of the Bedside Nursing Care) Not only is this unfair to a family member -- But -- it's potentially an unsafe practice that sets the stage for a potential Disaster just waiting to happen. Your post pointed that out - inaccurate I/O Charting - Fluid Retention -Wheezing - all leading up to CHF and exaserbation of your mom's condition, which could have been prevented if all the shifts had been doing their own assessments and charting. Again, Thanks for the view from the other side.
    That being said, I agree with most of you, who do not support nurses being used by family members, who expect the nurses to provide refreshments for visiting relatives. No Way !!!
    dhinson45 likes this.
  12. Visit  Mookie427 profile page
    3
    RNperdiem MUST live in a fantasy world where one can 'limit' and control the visiting hours. In my Medical ICU, the nurse manager just increased the amount of hours to allow the family in. As a teaching hospital, we have all levels of MD's at bedside at any given time. Tell that family member who insists on coming in regardless that they cannot due to the activity and procedures done at bedside. The age old adage, "THOSE THAT CANT MANAGE, THOSE THAT CAN ARE AT THE BEDSIDE". To go into management, I believe one must have the who-cares mentallity - i'm not on the floor, or be like Marie Antoinette to the bedside nurses.. 'let them eat cake'. And we all know what happened to poor Marie.
    Doesnt this all tie in to the prior discusiion, are they patients or customers??

    P.S. I DO like what I do, when given the opportunity to perform the duties I am supposed to do.
  13. Visit  southernbeegirl profile page
    0
    Quote from squeakykitty
    I have to ask---what did that family member say to that?
    to be honest, it shut her up. she just stomped off back to the room. there really wasnt much she could say because i had said it with so much sweetness that it was dripping off me (i'm not a southern belle for nothin, lol). as she stomped off i assured her i would tell the nurse to see her asap on her return.

    then i had to go in the bathroom and snicker cuz it felt so good to stand up to one of those hateful family members!
  14. Visit  trixie333 profile page
    2
    Quote from errosmith
    We have a spot in the chart for psych/soc aspects of the patient with dropdown boxes such as "demanding", "combative", "hostile", "withdrawn".

    As a patient and a health care worker, such documentation covers everyones bottom. However, this documentation punishes the patient and labels them as a "problem patient". Patients can be difficult for many reasons and that often is not taken into account.
    The last time I was in the hospital (renal) I was very sick and not demanding...hence I was vunerable, Never in my life have I been treated and spoken to in such a hostile manner by nursing staff than this time. When I started to feel better, I spoke up to protect myself.
    I was in the hospital for 6 days and was moved three times, once at midnight! I was yelled at by the dialysis nurse because I was not ready to go to dialysis at 7am. I was still asleep at that time and had not brushed my teeth, gone to the bathroom, washed up etc. I had requested the night before to be informed of the time dialysis would be taking me and no one had an answer. My dignity and comfort were never taken into account. I had the lab draw blood without using gloves, techs and nurses not washing hands before patient contact or rubbing their noses with gloves on and then starting an IV, laying in a sweaty bed for two days (high fever) and no one changing linens, being kept awake though out the night by laughing nurses in the halls, no towels available to wash with, being woken up at 4 am to be weighed, even though a weight is taken prior to dialysis on the renal floor. Being woken up thoughout the night to take a bp and then 15 minutes later being woken up to take a temp and pulse ox. Waking up with leads off (tele floor) and no one bothered to check on this. None of this was critical and I was not in ICU, BUT it all adds up and wears you down so you do become hostile and withdrawn. and you hope that you are strong enough to fight back and live.
    I have had to go the the hospital (ER) three times in the past few months and I will say that I dread it. I feel that nursing staff can't wait to tell me how much they are being put out by my being there. I hate that with the economy or staff stress they are taking it out on the patient. We have no choice
    Having been a 'bedside' nurse for 35 years, I have found I've become very sensitive to the 'culture' of nursing you have described. First, let me say it's inexcusable. Most of us would not allow people around us who persistantly engaged in this behavior or form of communication. Yet, over and over, I see examples of Nurses who not only are hostile toward patients, but also to their coworkers. Once the 'culture' of the work environment tolerates it, it becomes 'uncool' for any thinking, aware nurse to object or fight it....believe me, that nurse will pay in ways that are becoming known as harrassment, bullying, or lateral violence (see JCHO standards). It makes me so angry, and embarrassed for those nurses that act like that. If that behavior was directed to any protected minority, the threat of litigation would put a stop to it real quick, and manners and professionalism would rule the day and the ward...alas...still happening in many places I work (travel nurse)...so you say...we have no choice...but we do, one pt., one nurse, one hour and one day at a time....one of these days, hostile treatment of pts. or coworkers will cease, with increased awareness and education that such behavior is an act of passive violence or an actual HATE crime. I am sorry for your experience and I hope my sympathetic words give you insight on how to help change this ugly situation. Namaste...
    Hekate and dhinson45 like this.


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