How do you cope with looking "too young" to be a nurse?

Nurses Relations

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Hi everyone. I'm Lacey, and I'm new to this forum!

Anyways, I look young for my age. And being short as well doesn't help. I've had people beat me up emotionally for looking "too young" to be a nurse. They think I'm a teenager. People don't take me seriously at all, and it's hard to feel like an adult because of it. What are some ways to help me cope with this?

Thank you.

Keep smiling, be professional and be the best nurse on the floor.

i know what you mean i am 28 with my masters degree. and i am a superviser and a teacher. i look very young. Despite being in my late 20's

Wait until you're two weeks shy of the big 4-0 and people think you're about 23 or 24.

I am not making this up.

Aside from the fact that I always, always win at those games in amusement parks where they try to guess your age, it's a burden. And no, no one would want to put up with this on a day to day basis, no matter how much they may think they otherwise.

Cute comments about 'how could you know, being as young as you are' (you do realize I'm older than your kid!) and 'oh, you'll find out about that later' (you do know that you and I are about the same age, and I know this because you told me when you graduated from high school) and 'you couldn't possibly know about *insert some cultural reference from the Reagan era* because you weren't even in diapers then!'

To the last one I answered, 'Nope, you're right, I wasn't - I was in grammar school.'

I actually told someone that I wrote Ronald Reagan when he was shot. (I did - I still have the reply card I got from The White House.) They actually had the nerve to tell me that was impossible. Really?

It was even worse when I was a 38 year old lieutenant. Most Lt's are in their early to mid 20s. I'm older than some of our attendings. I look like an intern. And I'm not bragging about it. While I know how blessed I am (I have a four-months-shy-of-50 year old sister who gets carded), being pandered to like a kid gets old and grates on your nerves.

(I confess do love the shock value sometimes - especially if someone really digs their own grave over it. Some people say stuff so daft they deserve to have their butt handed back to them - and it's class when all you have to do is say, 'nope - 39, two weeks away from 40' or whatever this week's zinger is.)

I've also had people tell me I'm lying. OMG. Really - would I LIE about being so close to forty I can smell it? Seriously, I'd rather lie about being 28. It's more believable in my case! Being out of state I've had my driver license questioned. OK, I'll buy that - but please, when I show you my military ID, at some point it has to stop.

But it's actually not the blessing so many want to believe it is.

Specializes in ICU.

It is so aggravating, I'm right there with you! I don't mind it when it's a friendly observation and people smile, but when people get serious and it's a criticism it's different. There is a world of difference between a patient saying, "You look so young and beautiful!" with a huge smile on his/her face and saying, "You don't look old enough to be here," with a frown. Sorry, but if I pass boards, I'm qualified to take care of you as an RN and if you have a problem with that you can take it up with the state BON because they're the ones deciding that I'm qualified!

Another thread on the how hard it is to be young...

Enjoy it! You are not young for too long! I look 10-15 younger than my age and I get tickled when patients thinks I am a new graduate.

Another thread on the how hard it is to be young...

If it happened to you to the degree it happens to me - at eight days shy of forty - you'd know how old it gets. By many people's standards I'm NOT that young - and I'm certainly not deluding myself into thinking I'm a twenty year old. I'm not. I am considered middle-aged.

And I'm fine with that. I embrace it. I'd rather be 40 than 20 again for a lot of reasons.

I just need others to believe me when I tell them the truth.

Enjoy it! You are not young for too long! I look 10-15 younger than my age and I get tickled when patients thinks I am a new graduate.

It's ageism and it's insulting at any level and any age - be it sixteen or sixty. I have no problems with people thinking I'm young - but don't talk down to me because you think it. People don't realize how insulting it is.

I think it's just desserts when it turns out they think I'm SOOOO much younger than them, and I'm either their age or older - but in reality, they look infinitely older than I do. Inwardly I get a massive kick out of it. Serves them right for trying to be cute about it.

I'm no judge of another person's age because I know I don't look mine - and I go out of my way to make sure I'm not insulting them in that regard.

It's ageism and it's insulting at any level and any age - be it sixteen or sixty. I have no problems with people thinking I'm young - but don't talk down to me because you think it. People don't realize how insulting it is.

I think it's just desserts when it turns out they think I'm SOOOO much younger than them, and I'm either their age or older - but in reality, they look infinitely older than I do. Inwardly I get a massive kick out of it. Serves them right for trying to be cute about it.

I'm no judge of another person's age because I know I don't look mine - and I go out of my way to make sure I'm not insulting them in that regard.

Ageism? Calm down gurrl. These are little old ladies and men telling you you look young. It's a way the patient tries to start conversation and build a relationship with you.

I actually think the day the patients stop asking how old you are you'll be upset that no one thinks you look young any more.

And your last two paragraphs have contradictory statements in them- "I'm no judge of another persons age" "...I get a massive kick out of it".

This whole thread is about a middle aged woman's subconscious insecurities about her age and looking young. It's pathetic. Focus on your nursing care- maybe that's the real reason they are questioning your professionalism.

Flame away Madonna.

Ageism? Calm down gurrl. These are little old ladies and men telling you you look young. It's a way the patient tries to start conversation and build a relationship with you.

I actually think the day the patients stop asking how old you are you'll be upset that no one thinks you look young any more.

And your last two paragraphs have contradictory statements in them- "I'm no judge of another persons age" "...I get a massive kick out of it".

This whole thread is about a middle aged woman's subconscious insecurities about her age and looking young. It's pathetic. Focus on your nursing care- maybe that's the real reason they are questioning your professionalism.

Flame away Madonna.

I'm not a 'gurrl'. I'm female, I'm a woman, I'm even a girl, but not a 'gurrl'.

They're actually not little old ladies. And I'm not just talking about patients.

They're usually - and for some reason quite often - 45 year olds. Sometimes they're 40 year olds. In other words, they're my age already. They just spent more time in the sun, smoked more cigarettes, and made different lifestyle choices than I. And they're very rarely patients. I never said specifically patients.

It is most definitely ageism. It's ageism when it's used in a condescending, belittling manner.

The "madonna" is a bit out of line.

I am no judge of how old someone is. And when someone speaks to me in a condescending manner because they believe themselves to be oh so superior to me based on their perception of my age - and they turn out to be my age or even younger than me, I do get a kick out of it because their tactic backfired on them. What generally happens is they blush and look embarrassed. Joke's on them - because I'm not the kid they thought I was, I look a hell of a lot younger than them, and they're not being as cute as they'd thought.

No contradiction in terms there at all. You completely misread what I stated.

It's not pathetic - it's the way it is for some folks. It is most definitely ageism.

Actually, in a way, you almost sound a bit jealous.

I don't 'miss it' if someone doesn't go out of their way to ask my age or find out how old I am. I actually consider that polite. And since my 78 year old mother looks about 60, my guess is this mixed blessing is something I'll have quite a long time.

No need to be condescending to me regarding my nursing care or my professionalism or anything on that level - especially since you have no earthly idea who I am. That's quite a stretch if you ask me and really, I don't know how anyone could cast such aspersions based on a post or two on an anonymous message board, of all places. But you're entitled to your opinion even with a lack of knowledge on the subject.

If the topic of the thread bothers you, I can't help that. If it bothers you that some of us don't like being talked to as though we're much younger than we are, I can't help that either. It's not cute, it's not sweet - it can be hurtful and perceived as belittling on the part of the recipient depending upon the context in which it's presented.

Flame away, Ma'am. Or Sir, for that matter.

The reason I read this thread was because I get the same comments, I just don't see it the way you do, as insulting or ageism. When patients/family members/ colleagues make the comments it seems to be out of genuine curiosity , I don't feel attacked or insulted. If i feel like they think i'm not experienced enough or don't know what i'm doing it makes me work harder and show them my knowledge and experience. I see it like teaching them to not judge a book by its cover in my own way.

I never repeat the comments I get to coworkers like some people I know do all the time eg: "omg all my patients today have told me how young I look, it's so annoying" to me that just comes off as insecure- like they want everyone to know that everyone thinks they look young and they want their coworkers to agree or something.

Your jealously comment only confirms that you like the comments you get. What did you think I was jealous of? Your youthful looks?

Your doing the exact same thing in your posts as you claim you are the victim of but in reverse. you are ageist of people your own age who look "SOOO much" older then you.

I actually don't like the comments I get when they're condescending in nature. I was commenting on your seeming annoyance with the fact that our looking fifteen years younger or consistently being mistaken for being much younger than you are - and our commiseration on the subject - seemed to bother you.

I can't stand being in Macy's and being told I can't use my credit card because it's not mine, it's my mother's (yep, it's happened to me multiple times in the last couple of years, and no, it's not my mother's, it has my name on it - the same thing happened to me once when I pulled out MY gold Amex card - 'I'm sorry, you can't use your parents' card in here' before I was even asked for ID!). I wasn't pleased the time I walked into a bar and was grabbed by the arm as I walked in, and was told by someone I later found out was 22 that I wasn't allowed in because I'm not old enough (happened less than a year ago - the friend of mine who just happened to be an attorney told the guy he was lucky I didn't file assault charges as that was a threat of violence). I don't like it when I'm told by people who don't even know me that I couldn't possibly remember X because 'I'm not old enough' but I most certainly am and do. I don't like it when I'm told my driver license is fake (it's not). I don't like being in a restaurant and being asked would I like lemonade or juice and upon responding I'd like a beer, getting told with a heavy sigh, "Well, you know I'm going to need to see some valid ID for that."

(The comment when she saw my military ID? "Good God, you're older than I am." Yes, I do enjoy it when people are forced to eat crow. It's called human satisfaction. I don't enjoy being talked down to because I look as young as I do. Perhaps seeing that will teach people that 'never judge a book by its cover' is a bit more than an old tired proverb.)

Sometimes I get carded because it's the law, and I don't mind that. But sometimes it is presented as though the person thinks they've got a Big Catch coming. Even my husband has commented he's seen it.

Every single bit of that is ageism. All of it. It's also rude and just plain out of order. It's also prejudice in the strictest definition of the world: formulating an opinion based on someone's appearance.

And with a 60 year old brother, a 59 year old brother, and a 50 year old sister, not to mention having had parents in their sixties when I was in my twenties (and it was weird back then - my dad was 61 at my high school graduation and my mother was PREGNANT with me at my oldest brother's graduation), I'm far from ageist. I'm so far from it it's ridiculous. I have no earthly idea how you can say I am "ageist of people your own age who look 'SOOO' much' older than you". Actually I think people who act that way are pretty ignorant in a lot of ways. They also come across as petty and just a little bit sad when you think about it.

I'm not talking about sweet little old ladies or people my mother's age or my late father's age commenting on how young I look. Or even someone my own age going, "Wow, you definitely look younger than that." I'm talking about people who draw the assumption and then treat me accordingly and even talk to me like I'm a two year old. Sometimes, like a lot of things with pretty much everyone, it rolls off my back and I think, "HA! And now don't you feel just a teensy bit ridiculous." And sometimes it really grates me the wrong way because it's uncalled for.

ETA: One of your earlier posts was "Another thread on how hard it is to be young..." That comes across as tired of stuff like this and when you turn around and almost attack me for my experiences, yes - it looks as though you're jealous of people who encounter this every day. I'm not saying you are. I myself even said earlier it's a mixed blessing and I know how lucky I am. But it does get old sometimes. And it's way out of line when people use someone's appearance as an opportunity to condescend, for whatever reason.

Enjoy your thread.

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