This open letter is aimed at the difficult, belligerent family members out there who give bedside nurses a hellish time. I know you love the patient who is laying in that bed very much. Not only are we here for the patient, but we are also here to support you during this critical time. Just meet us halfway, please. A little bit of mutual respect can go a long way in fostering goodwill.
NursesAnnouncementsArchiveArticle
Forewarning: this is an open letter that contains explicit material with which not everyone will find agreeable. However, these are my inner thoughts.
Dear family members and visitors,
Let me start by saying that I know you care very deeply about the loved one who is laying in that bed. Each patient is a living, breathing, pulsating individual with memories, emotions, thoughts, perspectives and experiences that are far too unique to be exactly the same as any other person on the face of this planet. If you didn't care, in all likelihood you wouldn't be here to visit.
If you have been respectful in all interactions with nursing staff, I truly appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. On occasion you may observe something or hear statements that confuse you or cause some anxiety, so thank you for asking us questions to clarify instead of immediately taking a defensive stance. We are here to help people. We are not here to hurt people. Not only are we here for the patient, but we are also here to support you during this rough time.
I'm assured that I'm speaking for the vast majority of nurses when I say that we do not set out to abuse, neglect, ignore, or otherwise mistreat patients. Again, we are here to help the patient. I really detest when you camp out in the patient's room for 24 hours a day, snap pictures with your cell phone, and use profane language when communicating with staff. Not to be mean, but if you think you can provide a higher level of care, you are free to take the patient home. You would not be able to camp out at a library, curse out the librarian, get in her face, and take pictures for very long. You would be stopped in your tracks if you tried to waltz into a sandwich shop, swear and curse at the workers because you feel the service is crappy, and take cell phone pictures of the equipment and people. Why, then, do you feel it is okay to act like a fool at a healthcare facility?
My last question was silly because I already know the answer. You know that management at many hospitals, nursing homes, and other types of healthcare facilities adopt the 'customer is always right' mantra and will coddle to you, even if you misbehave. You know this, so you take advantage. Whatever happened to treating people in a way you would want to be treated?
I have been in your shoes because I have had gravely ill loved ones who once occupied that hospital bed. My mother was in a hepatic coma for nine days in 2002 while desperately awaiting a liver transplantation because a new liver was the only thing that would save her life. My father had a nasty bout of pneumonia in 2009 and required intravenous antibiotics. Not once did I become belligerent toward nursing staff. Some would say, "You're a nurse, so you weren't as scared as other family members." I was a factory worker back in 2002, not a nurse, and it was frightening to see my mother unresponsive. However, I always respected the healthcare team.
This plea is intended for the difficult, disrespectful family members out there. Keep in mind that you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. Be aware that while the squeaky wheel gets the grease, it is not right to displace your anger. Nurses are working under increased pressure in this day and age and must do more with less, although administration forbids us from telling you this. Mutual respect and shared understanding go a long way during this trying time of illness. We know you love the person who lays in that bed and we'll be here for you. Just meet us halfway, please.
