When I was in nursing school I think the phrase I remember hearing/saying the most was "I will NEVER be like that" after seeing all the shortcuts nurses make in their practice. The medsurg clinical was worst, and it seemed every nurse I precepted with was doing everything sloppily and quick. I told myself I would continue to do things very clean and at the very least, do them the best I could in the time I had...which would still mean I was doing them well, right?
Here I am, only one year into my being a practicing RN and I find myself doing all of these things daily. Taking shortcuts, snapping at patients and families, crying at work and the day prior to having to go into work, and strongly disliking my job. I took a position in medsurg because, let's be honest, it was the only one where there was a manager who didn't puke after reading "new-grad" on my resume. I told myself it'd be six months max, but my coworkers and maybe a bit of fear are keeping me there for the time being. My issue is that I am beginning to question why I got into nursing at all. It makes me nauseous when I think of some of the things I say at work to people and how consumed I am with the idea of not working any longer. I've always been a hard-worker and very passionate, constantly happy to help people and be around them but lately I just want to call in sick or disappear completely.
I have plans to go on to grad school, and would like to eventually be in ICU to get more varied experience before continuing my education, but am just feeling stagnant and lacking motivation to do much of anything. Someone tell me I'm not crazy and shouldn't quit this career I've spent the past 6 years of my life preparing for.