Five Star ICU Patients

Celia M, ASN, RN · Jul 6, 2004

Ruby Vee,

I guess your patient had a fairly decent cardiac output then!!!! :chuckle

Bekahlynn · Jul 9, 2004

Hi all!! I am a senior nursing student (finally) who works as a SNE/tech in a MSICU. We recently had a twenty something lady whose dx was acute pancreatitis. I go to her room to check her blood sugar.

"I'm hungry, can I have something too eat" (of course she is NPO)

"I am sorry but not until the doctor changes his orders"

" I haven't eaten in 23 days"

"Have you been ill that long?"

"No, I have been on a 22 day drinking binge"

No wonder she had AP!!

She was saying all of this to me while sitting up spread eagle and stark naked in her bed, and would not stop picking at her skin. Later on that day her nurse asked me if I wanted to put a foley in. I need all the practice I can get so I jumped at the oppurtunity. Turns out pt X had pulled her foley out with the balloon still inflated. OUCH!! While i was reinserting the foley, i almost felt as if she were talking me through it.

I later heard that a psych eval was ordered not long after...

my2sons · Sep 10, 2004

I recently had to consult a urologist for my 77 year old confused post-open heart. He unscrewed the air supply tube from his automatic non-invasive blood pressure cuff and connected it to the balloon inflation port of his foley catheter. The next time the NIBP cycled, the foley balloon blew up inside his bladder. He didn't feel a thing, just rang the call bell because his bed was wet. He needed a scope to retrieve a few shards of balloon left in his bladder. Things that make you go HMMMMMM....

RuthieRN · Sep 10, 2004

During my first job in a surgical ICU I worked nights with some of the funniest nurses around. You know you can get away with a lot more on night shift ... and we usually did.
Our unit had intercom's into each room for when the patient's called ... all you had to do was pick up a special phone out at the nurses station and talk to them to see what they wanted (granted, most of the patient's were intubated and sedated, but every once in a while we'd get a call). One night, the sweetest little old man (during the day) had the worst case of sundowners/ICU psychosis I've ever witnessed .. he kept yelling for the police, saying that we were trying to kill him, and eventually started calling for the FBI (of course after stripping himself naked).
Well, at abour 4am, we were all tired of taking turns going in the room to settle him down. So one of the male nurses, Chris, gets on the intercom and calls into the room (the speaker box was located right above the head of the bed).
"Sir, this is the FBI", Chris said, in his MOST professional voice.
"The FBI? You have to help me!!! These people are trying to kill me!" little-old-crazy-naked-man yells.
"Sir, we've been monitoring the situation and are on the way to the hospital now," Chris says.
"Thank the lord!!!" says crazy-naked-man.
"Now, it's improtant that you stay VERY quiet until we get there. We can't have the nurses suspect anything," says Chris.
"I promise!!!! How long until you get here?"
"We will be there promtly at 7:30am," Chris tells him.
So for the next 3 and 1/2 hours, the patient sat quietly, watching the clock ...never making a sound. And what a beautiful sight it was, when day shift got on the unit, and he asked every one of them if they were with the FBI. He was transferred early that morning to the step-down floor :).

OMG!!!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: I'll bet you guys were rolling on the floor, I know I was....thanks for the laugh!

RuthieRN · Sep 10, 2004

Oh, yea. I've had a few five star patients.
There was the one that came in for R/O MI every six months or so -- immediately after snorting coke. And every time, he claimed he'd been reformed -- he'd never snort it again. And six months later, there he'd be. He's made his last trip to the CCU, though. He had chest pain with radiation, etc. while showering. He collapsed, and yelled for his roommate to call an ambulance. Roomie did so, then (alledgedly) shot him up "because I knew he wasn't going to get anything for awhile in the HOSPITAL!" Damn straight! He survived the acute episode, but evidently it wasn't a clean needle that roomie used.
Or the confused little old man that laid in bed all night screaming for help. Why is it that the first thing they do is strip naked? Then they remove their O2, lines, tubes, etc. This old guy got everything off but for some reason decided he really needed his sat probe. Busy with the code next door, I left him alone for all of 15 minutes. When I walked by his room on the way to get a central line kit or some such, I hear terrorized screams. "Help Help Help!!"
"What's wrong, sir?"
"I got my dick caught in a vise -- you'll have to cut it off!"
And their was the sat probe, attached to the aforementioned member. When we showed it to him, his terror increased. "Oh, NO!" he moaned. "A snake's got it. I'm going to die!"
You know, the member is not really a good place for a sat probe -- the waveform sucks.

What is it with confused little old men and the O2 sat probe? I had one ask the respiratory therapist (we were both at the bedside) "What would happen if you stuck that on my D***?" The repiratory therapist calmly replied "Well, I would have to wash it a whole bunch of times!" We got a good laugh out of that at the nurses station.

gwenith, BSN, RN · Sep 10, 2004

I recently had to consult a urologist for my 77 year old confused post-open heart. He unscrewed the air supply tube from his automatic non-invasive blood pressure cuff and connected it to the balloon inflation port of his foley catheter. The next time the NIBP cycled, the foley balloon blew up inside his bladder. He didn't feel a thing, just rang the call bell because his bed was wet. He needed a scope to retrieve a few shards of balloon left in his bladder. Things that make you go HMMMMMM....

OH! My! God!! :rotfl:

This is one of those where you don't know whether to laugh or cry!

Stitchie · Sep 10, 2004

Ruby Vee,
I guess your patient had a fairly decent cardiac output then!!!! :chuckle

Balloon pump, my Great story

Charlootle · Sep 10, 2004

Ooo the catheter one sounds rather painful, yikes!

Charlotte x

apaisRN, RN, CRNA · Sep 10, 2004

I recently had to consult a urologist for my 77 year old confused post-open heart. He unscrewed the air supply tube from his automatic non-invasive blood pressure cuff and connected it to the balloon inflation port of his foley catheter. The next time the NIBP cycled, the foley balloon blew up inside his bladder. He didn't feel a thing, just rang the call bell because his bed was wet. He needed a scope to retrieve a few shards of balloon left in his bladder. Things that make you go HMMMMMM....

What a fabulous story! Amazing, what people can dream up. I would never think of connecting the BP cuff to the foley balloon. And if I were confused I'd never have the fine motor skills to do it! Gotta love little ol' men.

Shotzie · Sep 10, 2004

I worked in a heavy-duty ICU in a big teaching hospital.

One day a hugely obese woman was brought in from the ER. She weighed about 600 lbs and was admitted for respiratory distress (failure actually).

She was one of those women who, not matter what weight she was, would have been very large breasted. Because she weighed 600 lb her breasts were absolutely enormous!

They were so big, the weight of them kept the vent from being able to function very well and she was taken to the OR for a Bil. breast reduction and paniculectomy (removal of the huge fatty abdomen that hung down like an apron over her thighs).

All in all there was over 85 lbs of fat and tissue removed from her body. Once she could breathe, she improved rapidly and she was off the vent in a week. She was also alert and finally aware of her surroundings. Once she discovered her new breasts she was absolutely thrilled with them. With great pride she would "show off" her new " ***** (her words) to anyone who came in the room...nurse...friend...doctor...housekeeper...or priest!!!

She treated them like new pets, stroking them and fluffing them. I found a couple of large, lace edged nightgowns at a thrift store and picked them up for her on impulse. I opened up the backs, sewed the edges, put a couple of snaps and a tie in the back so she could get them off easily. She was quite pleased and sat up in a chair any time we asked so she could show off her pretty gown and her new *****!

Elenaster · Sep 10, 2004

Although we've had our fair share of "5-star" patients, one that recently stayed in our neighboring Trauma ICU takes the cake:

This, ahem, gentleman had been released from prison only to find himself overcome with longing for the companionship of a woman. In order to "scratch his itch," he visited the local brothel and obtained services. Sorely disappointed with the quality of the services rendered, he proceeded to complain to the proprietor of the establishment and demanded his money back. Unfortunately, the proprietor had a "no refunds or exchanges" policy in effect and proceeded to stab this man in the abdomen in chest repeatedly.

Surprisingly, he was quite verbally abusive towards the nursing staff and deeply disturbed by the police officers that visited him on a daily basis.

Of course he was okay and well enough to return to prison for parole violations in no time. All we could do was speculate as to why he was so dissatisfied with the hooker in the first place? You would think after being in prison, anyone would do. Afterall, what did he have to compare it to? Prison love? :rotfl: :rotfl:

javajunkie · Nov 11, 2004

My favorites are the hideous older ladies who were drinking in the womb and have been smoking since birth. You know, scary gruff voices. Really bad oral hygeine. They just love male nurses. Doesn't matter how sick they are, as long as they are extubated, they are flirting with the boy nurses. One especially sticks out in my head: this lady mid-60's (actually closer to 85 in her body), COPD exacerbation, tubed for weeks, and finally extubated. I could barely understand a word she said, but I got this: She asked me how much money I thought it would take to get one of our particularly attractive male nurses in bed with her. NICE. What I wanted to say was, "Honey, you don't have that kind of money." But of course I have a little compassion left.

One of my top 5 Five-star patients was the 16 year old brat that PEDS ICU refused because they didn't want to corrupt the babies up there. :uhoh3: The cops brought this kid into ER because he swallowed a crack bag in an undercover drug deal. So he gets his complimentary charcoal in ER and comes to visit me in the ICU. MAJOR ATTITIDE on this one. Obviously mad at the world, maybe for a good reason (his mom refused to come up to the hospital). Anyway, peds resident decides that a jug of Go Lytely is in this child's future. So we get started with it. You know, I served it up on ice with a little lime wedge...

Shockingly, this kid drinks over half the jug with no problem, but somehow manages not to start pooping. Get's nauseous and refuses to drink any more. So after much deliberation, I get ready to drop an NG. As soon as it hits the back of his throat, he barfs up all of the Go Lytely. So, I was a new grad at the time, desperately wanted to get this NG, so I didn't notice that he had puked up the crack bag too. He noticed though.

I had to take this basin to the hopper, fish out the crack bag and keep it in a biohazard bag in my pocket until the cops came to get it 3 hours later. I'm still mad at that kid 3 years later.