Five Star ICU Patients - page 2
I saw where one of our members was complaining that although the ICU forum was very informative the ER forum had more funny stories so I thought I might kick off a thread for a little bit of light... Read More
Sep 10, '04Quote from my2sonsOH! My! God!!I recently had to consult a urologist for my 77 year old confused post-open heart. He unscrewed the air supply tube from his automatic non-invasive blood pressure cuff and connected it to the balloon inflation port of his foley catheter. The next time the NIBP cycled, the foley balloon blew up inside his bladder. He didn't feel a thing, just rang the call bell because his bed was wet. He needed a scope to retrieve a few shards of balloon left in his bladder. Things that make you go HMMMMMM....
This is one of those where you don't know whether to laugh or cry!
Sep 10, '04Quote from Celia MBalloon pump, my :hatparty: Great storyRuby Vee,
I guess your patient had a fairly decent cardiac output then!!!! :chuckle
Sep 10, '04Quote from my2sonsWhat a fabulous story! Amazing, what people can dream up. I would never think of connecting the BP cuff to the foley balloon. And if I were confused I'd never have the fine motor skills to do it! Gotta love little ol' men.I recently had to consult a urologist for my 77 year old confused post-open heart. He unscrewed the air supply tube from his automatic non-invasive blood pressure cuff and connected it to the balloon inflation port of his foley catheter. The next time the NIBP cycled, the foley balloon blew up inside his bladder. He didn't feel a thing, just rang the call bell because his bed was wet. He needed a scope to retrieve a few shards of balloon left in his bladder. Things that make you go HMMMMMM....
Sep 10, '04I worked in a heavy-duty ICU in a big teaching hospital.
One day a hugely obese woman was brought in from the ER. She weighed about 600 lbs and was admitted for respiratory distress (failure actually).
She was one of those women who, not matter what weight she was, would have been very large breasted. Because she weighed 600 lb her breasts were absolutely enormous!
They were so big, the weight of them kept the vent from being able to function very well and she was taken to the OR for a Bil. breast reduction and paniculectomy (removal of the huge fatty abdomen that hung down like an apron over her thighs).
All in all there was over 85 lbs of fat and tissue removed from her body. Once she could breathe, she improved rapidly and she was off the vent in a week. She was also alert and finally aware of her surroundings. Once she discovered her new breasts she was absolutely thrilled with them. With great pride she would "show off" her new " ***** (her words) to anyone who came in the room...nurse...friend...doctor...housekeeper...or priest!!!
She treated them like new pets, stroking them and fluffing them. I found a couple of large, lace edged nightgowns at a thrift store and picked them up for her on impulse. I opened up the backs, sewed the edges, put a couple of snaps and a tie in the back so she could get them off easily. She was quite pleased and sat up in a chair any time we asked so she could show off her pretty gown and her new *****!
Sep 10, '04Although we've had our fair share of "5-star" patients, one that recently stayed in our neighboring Trauma ICU takes the cake:
This, ahem, gentleman had been released from prison only to find himself overcome with longing for the companionship of a woman. In order to "scratch his itch," he visited the local brothel and obtained services. Sorely disappointed with the quality of the services rendered, he proceeded to complain to the proprietor of the establishment and demanded his money back. Unfortunately, the proprietor had a "no refunds or exchanges" policy in effect and proceeded to stab this man in the abdomen in chest repeatedly.
Surprisingly, he was quite verbally abusive towards the nursing staff and deeply disturbed by the police officers that visited him on a daily basis.
Of course he was okay and well enough to return to prison for parole violations in no time. All we could do was speculate as to why he was so dissatisfied with the hooker in the first place? You would think after being in prison, anyone would do. Afterall, what did he have to compare it to? Prison love?
Nov 11, '04My favorites are the hideous older ladies who were drinking in the womb and have been smoking since birth. You know, scary gruff voices. Really bad oral hygeine. They just love male nurses. Doesn't matter how sick they are, as long as they are extubated, they are flirting with the boy nurses. One especially sticks out in my head: this lady mid-60's (actually closer to 85 in her body), COPD exacerbation, tubed for weeks, and finally extubated. I could barely understand a word she said, but I got this: She asked me how much money I thought it would take to get one of our particularly attractive male nurses in bed with her. NICE. What I wanted to say was, "Honey, you don't have that kind of money." But of course I have a little compassion left.
One of my top 5 Five-star patients was the 16 year old brat that PEDS ICU refused because they didn't want to corrupt the babies up there. The cops brought this kid into ER because he swallowed a crack bag in an undercover drug deal. So he gets his complimentary charcoal in ER and comes to visit me in the ICU. MAJOR ATTITIDE on this one. Obviously mad at the world, maybe for a good reason (his mom refused to come up to the hospital). Anyway, peds resident decides that a jug of Go Lytely is in this child's future. So we get started with it. You know, I served it up on ice with a little lime wedge... :hatparty:
Shockingly, this kid drinks over half the jug with no problem, but somehow manages not to start pooping. Get's nauseous and refuses to drink any more. So after much deliberation, I get ready to drop an NG. As soon as it hits the back of his throat, he barfs up all of the Go Lytely. So, I was a new grad at the time, desperately wanted to get this NG, so I didn't notice that he had puked up the crack bag too. He noticed though.
I had to take this basin to the hopper, fish out the crack bag and keep it in a biohazard bag in my pocket until the cops came to get it 3 hours later. I'm still mad at that kid 3 years later.