Guys: How do you handle the female aggressiveness/possessiveness - page 3
I am currently 24 y.o. in an RN ADN program. Thing is, I'm in a clinical group with all women....which ain't bad but, some of these women do not get along and i'm the neutral guy who they all seem... Read More
Mar 20, '08Quote from karenGI notice this thread started a year ago, so hopefully the OP will have resolved his dilemma, by now. Of course, the underlying issue is kinda timeless--boys and girls playing nicely, together.I've read this thread with interest...
I've worked with a few nurses who were also men and cant say I ever knowingly treated them any differently to my female colleagues. men were considered off limits....
I would also comment the the op seems to attract this attention and it doesnt sound that unwanted..
I've hugged nurses both male and female when its all gone pear shaped and awful stuff has happened and we just needed a hug.. is that still allowed?
my advice; be professional. talk about your wife, wear your ring and politely ignore the flirting.
you have made me consider how I interact with colleagues.
I'm pretty sure hugging is still allowed. Anyway, I've been known to do it, from time to time, and haven't been written up for it. I pretty much agree that butt-pinching ought to be pretty much off-limits, but it happened to me once when an aide and I inadvertantly bumped butts, working on opposite sides of a curtain. That was innocent. Her pinching me afterward wasn't innocent, but in the context, hardly unforgiveable. It was funny.
Personally, I don't see a problem with a little bit of off-color and/or flirtatious banter, within reason. For example, a nurse I was getting report from, one evening, left a Victoria's Secret catalog on the desk we shared, and said she didn't want it all sticky when she came back in the morning. So I told her between the carpal tunnel and the BPH, she had nothing to worry about. Not a conversation to have in front of the JCAHO inspectors, but no one was harmed.
I do think there's a little bit of a double standard, but I also think it's fairly logical. If a female co-worker, or patient, says something inappropriate to me, I don't worry that she's going to rape me in the parking lot, later. As a male, if I flirt with a co-worker, I need to be pretty conscious of the line between flirty and creepy. Still, I have had a couple of female patients say things that were creepy enough to merit changing assignments--they couldn't have raped me, but there's a legitimate worry that someone might end up feeling rebuffed and accuse me of inappropriate conduct. Mostly, though, it's sweet little old ladies being sweetly flirtatious, and the correct answer is, "It's nice to see you feeling better."
Mar 24, '08Women fighting over you? Being the center of attention? I'm still waiting to hear the "problem" part...
Mar 24, '08Since this forum is so old this is more for other guys that have this problem.
I expereinced this before as well. If your good looking it will happen more. There is a respiratory tech that everytimes he on the floor the nurses, even the older one suddenly have a question and monopolize his time. GHe really is a friendly guy but I noticed lately that he is extremly professional almost cold with the big flirters.
You will need to set strong boundries, not because your a prude but because it will make life a lot easier. I don't tolerate much gossiping and let people see me roll my eyes when it get catty. The exception is if I think someone has really been wronged but that's different. The other thing I've lerned to do is go after those who are complaining when they have no right to. This doctor went off on me when I did was..." and I think he should... If what the nurse did was wrong they know they won't find a shoulder to cry on unless again if the doctor was over the top. Even then I always encourage action and this by itself limits some of that kind of s***. If you expect them to confront the other nurse or make a complaint whiners and gossips will avoid those topics altogether.
I don't answer the "Do you think I look fat, hot, my hair, my outfit". i tell people "Unless where sleeping together I don't have to answer that question." Most women laugh because they really do know how uncomfortable it makes men.
I don't flirt with anyone except the nurses over 60 (i'm 30) and have kids my age. usually its safer since the average over 60 women knows that that kind of relationship is friendly.
When given extra attention during clinicals I would immediately says "thanks for the info I think my friend _______(female classmate) would benefit from that too." or "Ooh that sounds awesome, wait a second while I get ____. "The end results was that I was loved by my classmates and I avoided unwanted attention. The ones who were being sincere didn't mind and the one looking to flirt stopped.
The piece of advice about talking a lot about your wife is also good. I've noticed that also works well too. Some women assume that if your not talking about her you don't care (which is stupid since most of us don't talk as much anyway).
Good luck, Jason RN
Mar 31, '08I've had my butt pinched, etc quite a few times. Mostly by the same couple of coworkers. It happened a few times in. I think I just have a cute butt. I don't really care, it's all in good fun. We joke around , it doesn't make me feel weird. I think definition of sexual harassment is "persistent and unwanted sexual advances at the workplace." I wouldn't necessarily say it is unwanted or makes me feel uncomfortable. One time a unit secretary plopped down in my lap at the nursing station...I'm sure the corporate compliance officers would have a fit.
Then there are the comments I hear all the time! "Hey lets go down into the linen closet..woohhooo." "what would your wife think if she knew about us?? (joking)" I just give them dirty looks. Too much estrogen in an enclosed space, I think.
Like it or not, You spend 12 hours a day, 3 days a week, and your coworkers become a second family. Humans are social creatures and we need social interaction. You stick a bunch of 25-30 year old males and females in a hallway for 12 hours, 3 days a week, 365 days a year, and eventually someone is going to pinch someone else's butt. Just human nature. I wouldn't read too much into it though.
Mar 31, '08Quote from november551That's why they call it the "dirty" utility room... ;>P"Hey lets go down into the linen closet..woohhooo." .
Mar 31, '08Quote from William216ROFL!I am currently 24 y.o. in an RN ADN program. Thing is, I'm in a clinical group with all women....which ain't bad but, some of these women do not get along and i'm the neutral guy who they all seem to gravitate towards. Some of these women get upset if I have conversations with other students or employees at the hospital. Better yet some employees(female) nurse aides, other medical staff are overly friendly and go out of their way to speak or get my attention. I'm constantly being asked how many children? When do you graduate? How old are you? Where do you live? They dont even ask my name lol. Its not unwanted attention, i just don't know how to handle it correctly. I look more and act maturer than my age and the older women(30 and over) seem to be very upfront when they seem to have an interest, I get the motherly/aunt vibe and it feels weird cause i can sense the sexual thoughts they may be thinking and one nurse pinched my ass...I just laughed and was about to say something to her sexual, but i had to remember where i was. If I go to the cafeteria with a different female classmate, i get looks as if i'm some sort of womanizer. Then the killer part is I have to hear these women ridicule one another as soon as one leaves the room, which i find hilarious. I could imagine what they say when i leave the room, but it doesn't bother me. I also realized that married woman love to flirt in the workplace, which is fine because I'm married. Bottom line is, i feel like I'm the females work-boyfriend, beauty consultant, gift, advicer, ego-stroker/deflater and the list goes on. Guys how do i handle it?
Sorry, while I do understand your lack of understanding in how to deal with the situation, I had a thought that almost busted my gut laughing!
My thought... You now know what it must feel like to be the only woman in a room full of men. I know it's not what you are meaning to communicate but I do think that it offers a little perspective when hearing women complain of being cooped up with a dozen or so men!
Can you hear it? it sounds like this...
"Gosh, I'm the only woman in the room and all I hear is, My wife this... My wife that... Nice legs honey. It's like some are drooling when they look at me. One even touched my butt."
However, I as a male can empathize with your delima. Kinda feels like this sometimes.
Forgive me for finding humour in the irony but you have to admit it is clasic!
Apr 6, '08Be who you are.
You do not have to be who people think you are, who people think you should be, or who they want you to be.
Be comfortable in your own skin, but listen and learn.
In the long run, all of that interpersonal stuff really doesn't amount to much, as long as you play it straight.
Apr 10, '08How do u guys handle the insanity of women? I mean the extremes of mood, illogical actions and non-nonsensical responses. I observe so many times the bafflement on men's faces re. the responses they have just had from their female counterpart or the way females behave and I have have even heard it voiced of how utterly crazy women are.
Apr 10, '08Isn't it tiresome having to walk this fine line all the times? Doesn't it detract from your capabilities or does it make you better?
Apr 10, '08Quote from heatherwoodWanted to reply to both your posts. First, re: craziness of women, I don't find that to be particularly a problem. As fond as I am of many of the women I work with, I'm not dating any of them. I think the age old plaint: "What do women want?" is more applicable (to the extent that it even is applicable) to women as significant others. I'll freely admit that women are a large part of the reason I'm still a bachelor, but I have never had to worry what to get my female co-workers for Valentine's Day, or explain why I thought it necessary to stop for a beer on the way home from work.Isn't it tiresome having to walk this fine line all the times? Doesn't it detract from your capabilities or does it make you better?
As for walking a fine line, I suppose it would make me more professional, if I did, but I tend more to rely on a mixture of common sense and good intentions. As far as flirtation goes, I think the key is to be alert to body language: if she smiles, or laughs, it's flirtation. If she appears alarmed, or frightened, or offended, it's creepy. A little flirtation can be fun, once in awhile. Creepiness is generally best avoided.
Similarly, if an aide is planning to bathe one of my elderly female patients, I may ask her to get me when she's ready, because "I need to see her naked." Or if a nurse reporting to me remarks that a patient is pretty, I may agree, "Yes, she is." But if a nurse says a patient is pretty, I don't say, "Yes, I need to see her naked." It's all a matter of context.
Finally, if a female co-worker is grouchy, or distraught, or distracted, or asks if the room is hot, I never, ever, absolutely, positively never (well...rarely) say anything to do with her reproductive system. No matter what I might be thinking.
Apr 11, '08Quote from heatherwoodread this a few times and thought.. hmmmHow do u guys handle the insanity of women? I mean the extremes of mood, illogical actions and non-nonsensical responses. I observe so many times the bafflement on men's faces re. the responses they have just had from their female counterpart or the way females behave and I have have even heard it voiced of how utterly crazy women are.
so.. I'll put my sword down and resist the temptation to break a few bones..
and say I think this cuts both ways. men can be just as illogical as woman. over here, its football.. men are totally illogical about football (its a game for goodness sake..not a matter of life and death). Rugby- particulary the grand slam, brings out the same crazyness..
not just us ladies who are a little crazy at times... and trust me when i say, I know men who should not be spoken to or approached in any way if their football team has lost.. in such instances, coffee should be made and left at a safe distance before retreating and then telling them that the coffee is there!
Apr 11, '08I wondered how Heatherwood's posts would be treated... They look like posts that attempt to inflame.
If they are honestly posted as questions I suspect a very young immature poster who needs a bit of life experience. Hopefully life experience will teach that people are people and all have good and bad days.
Some free advice; the sooner you learn to treat all humans with dignity the sooner you'll become an effective adult.