Fun answers you can use for the dumb questions we get...

Nurses Men

Published

Q. "Are you gay?"

A. "Are you interested?"

Q. "Why didn't you go to med school?"

A. "I couldn't find enough cans on the side of the road to pay the application fee."

Q. "Why did you become a male nurse?"

A. "I couldn't afford the sex change."

Q. "Lot's of (insert derogatory word here) here, so how many do you hook up with?"

A. "You just asked me if I was gay..." OR "None, I want to live."

Q. "What do your family/friends/SO think of you being a nurse?"

A. "What do yours think of you being a dumba**?"

Q. "How much do you make? Do you make more than the women?"

A. "Just enough to pay my student loans. And I hope not, I want to live."

Q. "So how much drama do you have to put up with?"

A. "I stay away as much as I can. I want to live."

Q. "Doesn't it suck having to be a human forklift?"

A. "I save money from not needing a gym." OR "I get to make cool 'beep' sounds when I back up."

Q. "I can't stand blood/urine/puke/mucus how do you do it?"

A. "Are you kidding me, I love to fingerpaint!"

Q. "What about the smells?"

A. "Dude, you don't use deodorant, did you really just ask me that?"

I am sure I can think up others, but feel free to add...

Specializes in Informatics, Orthopaedics.

Q. "I can't believe you are a nurse you moron, how did you get to be one?"

A. "Huyuck I got me that thare bewk learnin at da skewl, they tolds me I was smaht and I wood makes me a gewd nursie some day. Now bend over and touch yer toes likes a gewd boy."

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Specializes in Wilderness Medicine, ICU, Adult Ed..

.....

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Specializes in Wilderness Medicine, ICU, Adult Ed..
Q. "I can't believe you are a nurse you moron, how did you get to be one?"

A. "Huyuck I got me that thare bewk learnin at da skewl, they tolds me I was smaht and I wood makes me a gewd nursie some day. Now bend over and touch yer toes likes a gewd boy."

Alternative reply: "Well it's funny that you should ask because it is an interesting story. Back when I was doing a five-year stint in [insert name of nearest high-security prison here] I took classes to become a certified welder, so I could get a job after I was released. When I finished the class, someone in the government board that regulates the welding trade got the paperwork messed up, and instead of a certificate as a welder, I got a registered nurse license in the mail. I was surprised at first, but then I thought, `what the heck, why not give it a try?’ And that is how I came to be your nurse.

Do you have any other questions for me? If not, roll over, I need to give you this, ah pointy medicine thingy, oh shot, I mean injection or, well, whatever."

Alternative ending: recite the above patter (without reference to the injection "thingy") while completing whatever it was that you came into the patient's room to do, and then walk out of their room as you finish your little speech.

(NOTE: I will NOT be responsible for any administrative, disciplinary, or career consequences of using the above patter. You are all on your own, Baby. However, admit it, wouldn’t you LOVE to say it?

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Specializes in Informatics, Orthopaedics.

I LOL'ed. So many variations on that one too.

Alternative reply: "Well it's funny that you should ask because it is an interesting story. Back when I was doing a five-year stint in [insert name of nearest high-security prison here] I took classes to become a certified welder, so I could get a job after I was released. When I finished the class, someone in the government board that regulates the welding trade got the paperwork messed up, and instead of a certificate as a welder, I got a registered nurse license in the mail. I was surprised at first, but then I thought, `what the heck, why not give it a try?’ And that is how I came to be your nurse.

Do you have any other questions for me? If not, roll over, I need to give you this, ah pointy medicine thingy, oh shot, I mean injection or, well, whatever."

Alternative ending: recite the above patter (without reference to the injection "thingy") while completing whatever it was that you came into the patient's room to do, and then walk out of their room as you finish your little speech.

(NOTE: I will NOT be responsible for any administrative, disciplinary, or career consequences of using the above patter. You are all on your own, Baby. However, admit it, wouldn’t you LOVE to say it?

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Specializes in Informatics, Orthopaedics.

Q. "You must be my doctor, so what's wrong with me?"

A. "You are assuming I am your doctor, and I am sure there are all kinds of things wrong with you that I cannot say out loud."

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Specializes in Hospice.

Q: You must be the doctor.

A: Nope, I WORK for a living. I'm your nurse.

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Specializes in Geriatrics/LTC.

With lab coat on

Q. Doctor?

A. Nope, I escaped from the mental ward upstairs and they haven't found me yet!

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Does this really come up with guys here? I've only once had a patient express surprise/disapproval over having a male nurse. And that was actually when I was an aide. I think the public is thoroughly used to the idea of male nurses by now.

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Specializes in Informatics, Orthopaedics.

Yes, it really does. Just had a LOL yell at me last night for being a pervert and how dare I do a woman's work.

Sigh. :rolleyes:

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Specializes in Wilderness Medicine, ICU, Adult Ed..

Tenjuna, you are the winner of THE DUMBEST PATIENT STATEMENT OF THE MONTH AWARD!!!! and a candidate for the annual DUMBEST PATIENT STATEMENT OF THE YEAR AWARD!!! Congratulations and best of luck in the annual playoff.

Your prize for winning the monthly competition is the appreciation, gratitude, and abiding respect of your colleagues, and their thanks for giving all of us a good, hearty laugh. Now we are "perverts?" What a hoot.

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Specializes in Wilderness Medicine, ICU, Adult Ed..
Does this really come up with guys here? I've only once had a patient express surprise/disapproval over having a male nurse. And that was actually when I was an aide. I think the public is thoroughly used to the idea of male nurses by now.

Oh yeah, it comes up. Most patients could not care less what chromasomes their nurse inherited; all they want is for someone to give them good care. However, it does matter to some folks. Personally, I cannot recall receiving any insults for being a guy who practices nursing, just confused looks and the occasional dumb question. However, my inability to remember any insults in this regard may be because I do not like to waste valuable synapses remembering idiotic nonsence. But that's just me.

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Specializes in Informatics, Orthopaedics.
Tenjuna, you are the winner of THE DUMBEST PATIENT STATEMENT OF THE MONTH AWARD!!!! and a candidate for the annual DUMBEST PATIENT STATEMENT OF THE YEAR AWARD!!! Congratulations and best of luck in the annual playoff.

Your prize for winning the monthly competition is the appreciation, gratitude, and abiding respect of your colleagues, and their thanks for giving all of us a good, hearty laugh. Now we are "perverts?" What a hoot.

Yay I have never won an award before lol...

I am sure the look on my face was priceless. Sure lady, I get my rocks off by cleaning out 80 year old hoo-hahs, it really just turns me on. :barf01:

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