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malamud69 10,419 Views

Joined May 10, '12. Posts: 530 (62% Liked) Likes: 1,090

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  • 5:46 am

    Yeah you gotta play by there rules!!! Do everything you are told when you are told to do it. Its like "mother may I". If you actually get something out of this experience except abject misery is up to you. Following the rules is not. I go to a weekly nurse support meeting I loathe with the force of a nuclear detonation. However, I attend every week. I have been going for a year and have never missed or even been late. I do express my opinion when asked (forced) to provide input. I have gone so far as to ask the "counselor" if I should lie and say I love this so I don't get in trouble but she said that its not necessary but if she told me to sing the company song I would have. I recognize that I have no leverage and my opinion means nothing in monitoring land. This is simply about serving a sentencing for violating my nursing vows of pureness and fidelity to the spirit of Florence Nightingale and the rest of the dead nursing saints from a zillion years ago. As I said in group this is about retribution and not recovery.

  • Jan 22

    Thank you so much! I swear, the internet is full of so much BS! sifting through it is tough! Lol you have definitely made me feel better!!

  • Jan 16

    A couple things. First, I'll give E. Tolli a look. So far all the suggestions I've got for reading and documentaries have been great here. Second, I've been trying to think of what to say about the whole "sponsor letter" thing. It's so dumb and wrong on so many levels it takes my breathe away. An AA report card???? Asinine truly. It violates any precepts of treatment or AA traditions. How is a person supposed to be willing to open up to a therapist or sponsor or best friend or whoever if there is no trust of some level of confidentially. This is one main reason why the nurse support groups albeit overseen by a "therapist" aren't therapy. Who would trust that these deep dark secrets wouldn't get looked at by the monitoring Nazis if everybody reports to them. What's next a report from our Priest after confession. Finally, yes this program is mind-numbingly stupid and indefensible on so many levels. However, the only way to keep out nursing license is to play this half-witted version of "mother may I". Nurses have worked too hard to lose what they have earned. Play the game and take a long, hot bath afterwards

  • Jan 16

    Quote from malamud69
    Indeed...I was actually told recently what would "help my case best" is...are you ready?...a "sponsor letter"
    I almost fell out of my chair...utterly abhorrent
    I'd fall outta my chair too. For starters, would that not violate the anonymity that is preached so loudly about ( yes, thank you captain obvious) but like a work reference, it would really be useless because who in Hades is going to provide a letter that says they "aren't working the steps enough" or whatever.
    I think whoever made that ridiculous statement is likely a 12 step devotee to such a degree that nothing else exists and there are no other solutions that even merit consideration. I think that defines a cult.
    Lest those who find success in the 12 step rooms flame me for calling it a cult I will state that much of any group activity can take on cult like properties. It depends on how much you retain your ability to realize that it is not the be-all-end-all fix for addiction/alcoholism.

  • Jan 15

    Quote from SpankedInPittsburgh
    Yeah the whole anonymous thing is really transparent BS. I need to get a paper signed every time I go to a meeting. Where is the anonymity? It outs the guy who signs it and me. Compulsory attendance at these things does all matter of bad not the least of which is take away the meaning of half of the name of all these groups; AA, NA, CA.... How is it anonymous when role is taken? Further, one of the many things that they say which I totally agree with at AA meeting is something like "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking". I presume they are referring to the attendee's desire not the monitoring boards so I don't even meet the most basic requirement of being there. My attendance is a farce and a continuing act of disrespect to people I have no ill-will towards. I think the meetings are religious based voodoo but most members seem like well meaning folks looking to help one another
    Besides the fact that I agree with you in that my attendance is an ongoing disrespect to those who chose to be there (you're right, they seem like nice folk, I don't hang around long enough to find out honestly). The most basic requirement being the desire to stop drinking? I don't drink. How can I want to stop doing something I don't do. That goes for NA also. So I find my forced attendance quite perplexing to start with.
    Actually not perplexing at all. We wind up back at the Pot of soup easy money, lazy providers, no ethics, and stirred by zealots who think this stuff beats all in spite of zero evidence.

  • Jan 15

    Sounds like your therapist is truly one of the 12 step robots hook line and sinker. I thoroughly disagree with the premise of the 12 step thing, but I respect that people have found, in it tools for maintaining sobriety. I also disagree with the Jehovah's Witnesses but I respect that there are people that find religious agreement there. Of course, unlike 12 step, I am not being mandated to attend the local JW congregation to retain my license, so I suppose there is that difference.
    If 12 step is anonymous, then there is no possible way to provide evidence that the only way to stay sober (defined by Merrimam-Webster as "not addicted to intoxicating drink, not drunk.") is through 12 step. Then if no evidence can be submitted, Spanked's "appointed therapist's" assertation also has no evidence, therefore in agreement with Mr. Hitchens, her evidence AKA opinion can be dismissed. So there.

  • Jan 15

    I thought the latest data indicate 12 step programs don't really work any better than anything else?

    Author Interview: Lance Dodes, Author Of 'The Sober Truth' : NPR

    But, when you career and livelihood depend on adherence to an ideology, people will defend it to the death.

  • Jan 14

    Quote from SpankedInPittsburgh
    Hate keeps me warm at night and gives me the ability to keep going in this jungle of BS. I simply hate the do-gooders too much to let them win. I'll finish this nonsense absolutely but even more certain than that is that I will never, ever, under any circumstances give this program any modicum of respect. Compliance sure. Respect Never
    I'm not so much at hate as I am disgusted and sad. I am not angry at the BON because "they" , at least in my state are outside the operations of this thing. I am disgusted at the profits that are made at the expense of nurses in need and I am disgusted at the conflict of interest that nobody even seems to try to hide. It's so obvious a blind person could see it.
    So yeah, compliant, okay, because I want the license that I worked so hard for and I will be ****** if I let them take it away from me for the crime of having an illness. Respect? Never. Not on a cold day in Hades.

  • Jan 14

    I work with so many nurses who, by the sound of it are functioning alcoholics. Of course, your error was drinking and driving.

    In my opinion, only impairment on the job, or diverting, warrants such a harsh response. For a DUI, why not let the justice system take care of matters? I'll bet some of those BON nurses have excessive drinking habits, or prescription drug problems.

    The whole thing smacks of smug Puritanism. I think the whole system needs an overhaul. I'm sorry for your travails.

  • Jan 14

    Ha!!! What hazard did I present to my patients? Do you have a crystal ball?

    As far as the deal, you are right about that at least and I'm holding up my end. I'm glad that we can at least agree that this isn't about recovery but about retribution imposed by nurses who love the misery of other nurses and live to judge them.

    You couldn't have given a better illustration of my point.

    Thank You!!!

  • Jan 14

    Hate keeps me warm at night and gives me the ability to keep going in this jungle of BS. I simply hate the do-gooders too much to let them win. I'll finish this nonsense absolutely but even more certain than that is that I will never, ever, under any circumstances give this program any modicum of respect. Compliance sure. Respect Never

  • Jan 14

    Oh Cats Darlin;

    You harkened back memories of my wonderful experience with the rehab industry. When I was in inpatient rehab (which I was sent to after 3 months of sobriety) they made much ado about how "meaningful" it would be and we couldn't have cellphones, distractions, work on any assignments for school despite the crazy adverse effects it may have on us blah blah blah because we were going to be so "busy" in meaningful recovery. What a giant crock of horse-dung resplendent with maggots crawling all over it. On weekdays we had 6 hours a day of structured time devoted to anything recovery related. The vast majority of those hours were either supervised by low-wage techs whose main qualification was that they stayed high there entire life except for maybe the last couple years in a room where 60-70 of us were herded to do arts & crafts, listen to therapeutic music, "meditate" (aka just sit there or nap my personal favorite) or have group chats where you got to listen to other similarly situated people moan about how terrible there life was. About 4-5 hours a week we got to see an actual educated counselor and only one hour a week for 1:1 counseling. The rest of the time was literally break time. I took up smoking and Marlboro Cigarette Company made a killing, played the stupid toss the sack game or snuck to my room and took more naps. I would have killed to be able to do something as distracting and meaningful as completing my degree. After 24 days of this existence in rehab purgatory I had to do 3 months of Intensive Outpatient "treatment. You know why I didn't graduate last year? It came down to the rehab folks not letting me out of 2 days of valuable outpatient treatment. Yep I lost a whole year of my life because they wouldn't let me register for class until I was released from IOP. As it turns out my insurance carrier finally called BS on the money flowing to these treatment professionals and I was abruptly told to leave after first being told that I should self-fund (a notion scoffed at) for much more time. I would have missed 2 days of IOP. These people are self-important, delusional fools who actually believed their presence in my life for 16 hours of IOP was worth me delaying my life for a year. The last thing this industry and monitoring boards thing about is the patient / nurse they are trying to help & in fact I think a very strong argument could be made is that the only thing they care about is how much cash they can suck out of there victim

  • Jan 14

    I struggled to complete my BSN while IN that inappropriate stay in that ******** of a rehab AKA overpriced daily carpool to AA meeting. It seems that while they were illegally speaking to family about me (HIPPAA violation anyone) also known as shafting them for the money, they were questioned as to wether I would be able to work on my online courses while there. Initially the answer was no, we'll be keeping her too busy. Ya, whatever, and when family came back with "she's almost done, if she doesn't finish now, she won't.) All of a sudden, there was plenty of time. So once a week I was "allowed" to check out my laptop and submit my assignments. Graduated with a 3.9. Cue raspberry and double rude hand gesture. Too busy, my tuchas.
    I had been working on that degree on and off, for 9 years and 3 schools, in between bouts of bipolar ups and downs, physical illness, withdrawing from classes so much that one school invited me to leave, another program closed down on me. I had to repeat a couple of courses and take some interesting electives due to credit hours matriculation requirements. No way was I gonna stop this time.
    That ******** saw a cash cow maybe getting out of the gate so they magnanimously let me continue. Talk about making stuff up as they went along....
    That was not program stuff directly but I was finally in a place where I was nearing the end and no way was I going to let those frauds take that from me.

  • Dec 6 '17

    Quote from SpankedInPittsburgh
    Hi everybody:

    I don't know about the rest of you but I'm having a hard time envisioning rebuilding my life after this monitoring program. It has set me back financially, educationally, emotionally and has damaged my career. I'm 55 so maybe part of this is a sense of fatalism that comes with age but this program has really damaged me. I'm withdrawn, paranoid and not optimistic about the future. I'm taking all the necessary steps to put my life in order. For example, I'm registered for my last semester of my CRNP studies after having to take a year off. What are your plans? Has this experience changed you? For the better or worse?

    I wish you all a happy day!!!

    Although I read a few of the replies, I'm going to reply just focusing on your question. Yes, this 4.5 year program changed me. For the BETTER! I had a major problem. BIG problem. Saved my life. Just took a 8 years last week, no etoh, no other mind-altering substances, still heavily connected with men in recovery. it's helped theres a doc who is as driven as I am not wanting to screw up again. More than halfway done with my MSN. Lot happened during the "mandatory program". Marriage, moving in together, getting a job while in program, parent death, a BSN degree,...I tell you there were days I wanted to quit the mandatory program.

    It's done. It's over since Nov 2012. Was scared to death 3 weeks before program ended because was considering thinking I could do self control drinking again. Every time I drank, I pop up with other stuff in my tox screen. So, here's my manta: "I got nothing to lose if I continue hanging around the rooms of recovery. I got everything to lose, if my dummy brain tells me I can go back the way it was and NOT get in trouble". Lies the gray matter keeps telling me.

    Professionally, I have climbed up the clinical ladder pretty high, not gonna lie. I am told I'm being groomed for a succession plan. I stay quiet and just take it in. I pray for my fellow nurses still struggling through this, especially in the beginning. I was there. So mad, I think I was capable of doing something regrettable.

    Prayers and Happy Holidays.

    Yay for Star Wars 12/15/2017!!!

  • Dec 6 '17

    This program has not made me better at all. It has bankrupted me financially. Caused me to take my last semester off school which has cost me thousands of dollars and undue stress. The "treatment" was of such a poor quality given by people whose main "qualification" for the job is that they stayed high or drunk most of there lives or by social worker control freaks who couldn't help a staving man find a piece of bread. I agree that the public should be safe from impaired nurses so if there is a reasonable cause that a nurse is impaired in the work place then pee test to your hearts content. However, I don't see how any of this stuff helps with recovery. Imagine is 12 step programs said that everyone that sought help would have to lose their ability to do their job, keep logs of "anonymous" meetings, pay to expensive treatment which essentially says get to a free meeting, have people you never see determine your professional fate based on uncertain criteria, be forced to go to "professional counseling" where you don't dare tell the truth about what you feel and completely take your ability to support yourself away if you relapse or worse yet suffer a false positive. These programs are hideous abominations whose sole purpose is to control and punish for "wrongs" that very often had nothing at all to do with a nurses professional life.


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