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Sensibility, BSN, RN Pro 1,963 Views

Joined Sep 9, '11 - from 'South, Florida'. Sensibility is a Staff RN. Posts: 97 (32% Liked) Likes: 50

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  • May 16

    There is a balance in what I have to say. On the one hand, our job as medical professionals must be to preserve life; but on the other hand, we have to accept death as a possibility. We are often not in control of that outcome. We do what we can and that is all we can do. Death is not in our hands and we cannot stop that process if it is going to happen. None of us will be here forever and all of us at some time will experience death. I have seen babies die. I have experienced death in family and friends. The longer I live, the more people that die. My mother, my best friend, passed away 3 years ago. My father passed away a year and a half later.

    I believe our society is not prepared for death as a part of life. We think that death is abnormal. It's not. So many people today have unfortunately embraced atheism; and even if some don't believe they are atheists, they wonder if this is all there is? Judging from the lifestyles and ideologies of many medical professionals, I don't believe many of them make God a priority or know Him. Is it just about being here, being married and then leaving the planet? I know there is a heaven. I know that being prepared for this eventuality is probably the most important aspect of a person's life that they can do for themselves. I know that I will see my mom again for all of eternity. My mom had faith in Jesus Christ and I know that I know that she is there as is my dad and so many of my friends who have gone before me. I believe in Jesus Christ and have been changed by His grace. That's all that matters.

    We can't expect that the pain of death will go away. Nobody will ever be able to replace that person who died. Some deaths are very tragic. Other deaths are so desired due to the pain and suffering the person is experiencing. We who are left though miss that person. I believe that it is unrealistic not to embrace that pain and shed some tears of sorrow. I am crying for myself because of that loss and how much I will miss that person. That is what should happen. We live in a world that does not embrace pain and sorrow. We are expected to bounce back and be our jovial selves again instantly. Nobody can accomplish this and so there is the frustration of wanting to be happy but feeling that intense sorrow inside. People say things trying to make us feel better but really can anything take that pain away? I don't think it can. The hardest part of losing someone is not that moment of death but the moment six months down the road when we wish they were here to talk to and share a moment with. As medical professionals, we too experience that loss. We meet these people and they become a part of us to a certain extent. Mourning the loss of a patient is a real aspect of being a nurse. It is normal.

  • May 6

    Quote from beachbum2000
    I had a situation

    Again I apologize for the length of the post, just trying to paint a picture.
    This is a classic example of nurse on nurse aggression done covertly and surreptiously. It is a definite way that nurses are known to act wrongfully to other nurses by dumping a large assignment or one that is too difficult to handle. The why question is irrelevant. I don't care if you love your race or moral beliefs or whatever it is. Nurses are not allowed to do this and it can be reported to your state board, FYI. There are many ways in which nurses can manipulate this into being and it is just flat out wrong. The victim of this abuse has no life after work because of the mental and physical exhaustion. Staffing only looks at the number of nurses to patients not how they are divided up. I have had this happen to me over a matter of ethics. This was many years ago when this problem was not identified. Assignment delegation though is a key way to show favoritism, hurt someone or get rid of someone undesirable.

    It is a real shame that people in the medical field are not team players. All these people who are champions of tolerance and cultural diversity are such hypocrites where it comes to their own ideas, race and beliefs. So much for tolerance. Why doesn't the nurse with zero patients get up and help their team? It would be one thing if you have no patients and are lending a hand with the admission process or involved in patient care. It is another thing to be sipping coffee, chatting with friends, checking out Facebook, resting or texting whilst someone else is running around. My biggest contention with this scenario is that it is near impossible to ask for help. If that patient is not that nurse's responsibility, the nurse in charge of that patient is limited in what they can ask help for without being falsely accused of poor time management or getting 20 questions. "Is this necessary right now?" "Why are we doing it this way?" blah, blah, blah. Just get up and help!!!

    I am an English speaking lighter skinned person and I am a minority in my community and hospital. I'm not making this up. Of the nurses in our unit, myself and one other nurse are totally English speaking Americans. The rest are from other countries. The skin color is not my problem. The language issue very much is. Discussing medical decisions and pertinent data in Spanish is near unconscionable to me. But it happens daily. The patients demand it. They refuse to speak English. No other nationality is given such preferential treatment. I understand in other communities where Hispanics are immigrating that they are being forced to learn English. Here, if you don't speak some Spanish, it is horrible the treatment one gets from patients and staff with that one issue of communication. In addition, it is difficult to get a job without being bilingual. It is so hard to constantly be in need of a translator. My children have been cussed out and reported to management for not speaking Spanish in their respective jobs here. It is rude to the Americans that have graciously opened up this country to immigrants fleeing a very bad situation. Without any regard for what has been done for them, we are being treated like foreigners in our own country. And the nurses who are bilingual at times have no regard for these facts.

  • May 5

    Some people, Ruby, are not as good at others at blowing people's reactions off. They don't teach that in school and when we do act that way, we become the very people we dislike so much. It hard to stay above it. My husband, God bless him, has listened to me on more than a few occasions share some of my frustrations. He prays for me. I don't know what I would do without a husband that prays for me night after night. God has woken him up on some of my worst nights to pray. That is the truth. The thing that works for me is forgiving my offenders and giving it to God to handle. And trust me, He has handled things for me in ways that I could not have. It doesn't help me though when there is so much pressure, anger, abusive talking from patients and the overwhelming responsibility. One thing I am grateful for is that my hospital has zero tolerance for negative behaviors. If an employee wants to get in trouble, just start giving people a hard time of it and that includes the physicians. Nevertheless, when one situations is resolved, another seems to arise. The better we are at patient care and knowing what we are doing, the better we are in other areas. In other words, experience helps. I am a nice person. I don't like nursing either when people aren't nice. I don't like to be yelled at or for people to take their frustrations out on me. These are things that people should know when they sign up for nursing. It is not easy to live day to day in the pressure cooker.

  • May 2

    I will tell you why I love nursing. I love seeing a child come in super sick and then get better. The stories I could tell. I love babies and all that is involved with them and their unique physiology. It is rewarding to see that healing process and to see that it was a team effort of many people coming together to make it work. I love the mystery aspect of figuring out what is wrong and why. I love challenging cases that are interesting. I love the way the human body can react and adapt especially in children. I love making a difference for a parent that is stressed or just needs some support with basic understanding of children. I love it when they listen and it makes a difference for that child. I love the technology and the evidence based practice that we are now initiating because it supports what we do. I have a daughter that is being paid $15/hour to manage a Starbucks. She came home in tears last night from the workplace stress she's under, the mean spirited boss, the nasty customers, and trying to manage people. It just goes to show you that everyone is trying to run businesses with as few people as possible. I am probably on my feet as much as my daughter is. I get paid a whole lot more than that. For some reason, I believe that many nurses think that nursing is a dream job because of the higher pay. Like so many today, they want to sit and do nothing and get paid for it. LOL The minute things get tough, they are ready to quit. And that is not just work. It is other things as well. How about sticking it out and getting beyond that moment? Nursing is stressful at times. But to me, it is a stress that has a better feeling of accomplishment than making a cup of coffee not to say that this is not a worthwhile profession. It is. I am just saying that I am encouraged when I see someone healed because we intervened. In the olden days, children died of many of these illnesses.

  • Apr 30

    Some people, Ruby, are not as good at others at blowing people's reactions off. They don't teach that in school and when we do act that way, we become the very people we dislike so much. It hard to stay above it. My husband, God bless him, has listened to me on more than a few occasions share some of my frustrations. He prays for me. I don't know what I would do without a husband that prays for me night after night. God has woken him up on some of my worst nights to pray. That is the truth. The thing that works for me is forgiving my offenders and giving it to God to handle. And trust me, He has handled things for me in ways that I could not have. It doesn't help me though when there is so much pressure, anger, abusive talking from patients and the overwhelming responsibility. One thing I am grateful for is that my hospital has zero tolerance for negative behaviors. If an employee wants to get in trouble, just start giving people a hard time of it and that includes the physicians. Nevertheless, when one situations is resolved, another seems to arise. The better we are at patient care and knowing what we are doing, the better we are in other areas. In other words, experience helps. I am a nice person. I don't like nursing either when people aren't nice. I don't like to be yelled at or for people to take their frustrations out on me. These are things that people should know when they sign up for nursing. It is not easy to live day to day in the pressure cooker.

  • Apr 30

    Some people, Ruby, are not as good at others at blowing people's reactions off. They don't teach that in school and when we do act that way, we become the very people we dislike so much. It hard to stay above it. My husband, God bless him, has listened to me on more than a few occasions share some of my frustrations. He prays for me. I don't know what I would do without a husband that prays for me night after night. God has woken him up on some of my worst nights to pray. That is the truth. The thing that works for me is forgiving my offenders and giving it to God to handle. And trust me, He has handled things for me in ways that I could not have. It doesn't help me though when there is so much pressure, anger, abusive talking from patients and the overwhelming responsibility. One thing I am grateful for is that my hospital has zero tolerance for negative behaviors. If an employee wants to get in trouble, just start giving people a hard time of it and that includes the physicians. Nevertheless, when one situations is resolved, another seems to arise. The better we are at patient care and knowing what we are doing, the better we are in other areas. In other words, experience helps. I am a nice person. I don't like nursing either when people aren't nice. I don't like to be yelled at or for people to take their frustrations out on me. These are things that people should know when they sign up for nursing. It is not easy to live day to day in the pressure cooker.

  • Apr 29

    Quote from Mom To 4
    Keep work at work and your life outside of that.
    That is true. But that isn't the point. Most lateral violence that is typically cited is concerning senior nurses to the newer nurses. That has happened to me even though I was older age wise at the time. I think the frustration for me personally is embracing bedside nursing. If everyone is aspiring to get away from it and only a few senior nurses are at bedside for 30 plus years, then the other spots are constantly being filled and rotated by new nurses who can't wait to leave. So they leave and another person who is new comes to take their place. The senior nurses give a great deal of themselves into those nurses to make them successful but rarely get any recognition for their efforts. I actually like teaching. In fact, as a night shift nurse, I have come to expect the outcome that the person is aspiring to eventually move on. I pour myself into these people knowing they will leave at some point. My only contention is that some of them (not all) are not there to work or are not there because they care. I could care less what they do in their off time. I barely have time for my own family. I have no desire to do anything with anyone outside of work. I love this statement from the original post. " as if those great women who pioneered nursing to care for the sick, indigent and wounded would be so saddened by the "General Hospital", "Grays Anatomy"; "high school acting" nurses of today."

  • Apr 28

    Some people, Ruby, are not as good at others at blowing people's reactions off. They don't teach that in school and when we do act that way, we become the very people we dislike so much. It hard to stay above it. My husband, God bless him, has listened to me on more than a few occasions share some of my frustrations. He prays for me. I don't know what I would do without a husband that prays for me night after night. God has woken him up on some of my worst nights to pray. That is the truth. The thing that works for me is forgiving my offenders and giving it to God to handle. And trust me, He has handled things for me in ways that I could not have. It doesn't help me though when there is so much pressure, anger, abusive talking from patients and the overwhelming responsibility. One thing I am grateful for is that my hospital has zero tolerance for negative behaviors. If an employee wants to get in trouble, just start giving people a hard time of it and that includes the physicians. Nevertheless, when one situations is resolved, another seems to arise. The better we are at patient care and knowing what we are doing, the better we are in other areas. In other words, experience helps. I am a nice person. I don't like nursing either when people aren't nice. I don't like to be yelled at or for people to take their frustrations out on me. These are things that people should know when they sign up for nursing. It is not easy to live day to day in the pressure cooker.

  • Apr 28

    I wish this mom could read what I have to say. I am a pediatric nurse. This story is not only a cautionary tale for nurses but parents. As a nurse, I have been told by more than a few parents that they did not want me as their nurse. And why? Well, because unlike Mrs. Schweitzer's nurse, I would have worked on correcting the problem with the monitor and told the mom that it has to be on regardless of how often it alarms. I would have apologized for the inconvenience but that it was necessary especially if Gabriel was having seizures or something of that nature. I am jumping to a conclusion because he was being seen by neuro-surgery. This may not have changed the outcome but it would have surely been one less thing to say we did wrong. And she would have requested another nurse because, as she stated, she was tired and weary and she wanted to rest and that nurse was trying to help her to give her good customer service. At what point can a parent see that it isn't about them but about the baby? I am in no way blaming this mom. I am saying that this is a golden rule that is forefront in the hearts of many pediatric nurses. I have had this negative reaction happen over co-sleeping with small babies in a bed, coming to bedside too many times to deal with IV meds, speaking transparently about what is going on, and trying to intervene when a child, for example, had a fever that was not being controlled by the meds and I wanted to give a bath to get that high fever down. Do you know how many babies have died in the home because the parent rolled over on them while they were sleeping? Too many. And yet, these parents insist on sleeping with the baby. I have been given a hard time for sharing side effects of meds even though the new laws stipulate that we educate parents on this. Parents complain, request another nurse who will give them a positive story and not share what's going on and they get what they want. I have only once gotten an apology by a parent and it was not the one that actually blew up at me. I have had them walk out the door with their nose in the air. I have had nurses who comply with parents every request pridefully tell me that they never have that happen. And yet, it is stories like this that encourage me to continue to attempt to help parents see the need. Thankfully, I can see though how my kind efforts do change the course of events, the issue becomes safe, the child is safe and I am rejected. So the outcome is encouraging to me. I wish the parents wouldn't do that though. I often tell people that I hate the scenario where I am called into an office and told, "You knew that this was what you were supposed to do and what were you thinking?" With a child, there is no grace. See, I can imagine a parent rolling over on their child and me getting the blame. Pediatric nurses are restricted by demanding overbearing parents. We must comply with most requests because parents and patients have rights. They can refuse meds. They can refuse tests. They can refuse the monitor. They can diss nurses. They can speak disrespectfully to us. But you let something go wrong and look where the finger is pointed. Does this mom take any responsibility for what happened? Did she say something to that nurse that caused the nurse to try to help her? No, she is now the wounded person and WE were supposed to know better. Now today, thanks to Obamacare, these same parents within the next few years will be able to express their dissatisfaction with our compliance to their every desire. If we get a low score, supposedly, Medicaid will not pay for the full hospital bill. As I said, I wish more parents could hear this because perhaps one in a hundred thousand will be like Gabriel. But it only takes one to get us to see that safety is more important than making a hospital stay seem like a luxury vacation at the Ritz. It is never pleasant to have a sick child because children get pinched and poked and nobody wants to see their child go through that. What parents need to see is that we are not trying to hurt that child. We are trying to help them. I would have further asked this mom if someone else could stay at bedside while she went home and got some rest. In our unit, we have encouraged parents to leave to go home and get rest. Our unit is secured and locked. And we take good care of our babies. I am truly sorry for your loss. So sad.

  • Apr 27

    Thanks everyone who responded. I am about to get my BSN in a couple of weeks. Yeah. I have been learning a great deal about this topic. There have actually been about 78 evidence based research papers on the topic of lateral and horizontal violence. MJH3483, it is covert in nature. It is gossip, not answering questions, refusing to help, sabotage, giving your favorite nurse the best assignments, the silent treatment, and a whole lot more. It can be petty or very serious if it involves patients. The victim often feels isolated and suffers with low self esteem, which is the goal of the bully. The bullies are usually the older nurses and the victim is typically either a new grad or new to the hospital. This is a major problem for hospitals because the nurse will ultimately leave after the hospital has invested hundreds of thousands of dollars in training this nurse. Retention in the hospital setting should be a priority, which is why hospitals need to take this seriously. I took that EBP research to the human resources department and it made a difference. I at least feel that my name has been restored and that this cannot happen easily again. So for that, I am grateful. People should not have to hire attorneys or quit to get this resolved, in my opinion. So I worked to try and help my hospital get a perspective on it. Thank you again for your very kind words. It meant a lot to me!!

  • Apr 26

    I wish this mom could read what I have to say. I am a pediatric nurse. This story is not only a cautionary tale for nurses but parents. As a nurse, I have been told by more than a few parents that they did not want me as their nurse. And why? Well, because unlike Mrs. Schweitzer's nurse, I would have worked on correcting the problem with the monitor and told the mom that it has to be on regardless of how often it alarms. I would have apologized for the inconvenience but that it was necessary especially if Gabriel was having seizures or something of that nature. I am jumping to a conclusion because he was being seen by neuro-surgery. This may not have changed the outcome but it would have surely been one less thing to say we did wrong. And she would have requested another nurse because, as she stated, she was tired and weary and she wanted to rest and that nurse was trying to help her to give her good customer service. At what point can a parent see that it isn't about them but about the baby? I am in no way blaming this mom. I am saying that this is a golden rule that is forefront in the hearts of many pediatric nurses. I have had this negative reaction happen over co-sleeping with small babies in a bed, coming to bedside too many times to deal with IV meds, speaking transparently about what is going on, and trying to intervene when a child, for example, had a fever that was not being controlled by the meds and I wanted to give a bath to get that high fever down. Do you know how many babies have died in the home because the parent rolled over on them while they were sleeping? Too many. And yet, these parents insist on sleeping with the baby. I have been given a hard time for sharing side effects of meds even though the new laws stipulate that we educate parents on this. Parents complain, request another nurse who will give them a positive story and not share what's going on and they get what they want. I have only once gotten an apology by a parent and it was not the one that actually blew up at me. I have had them walk out the door with their nose in the air. I have had nurses who comply with parents every request pridefully tell me that they never have that happen. And yet, it is stories like this that encourage me to continue to attempt to help parents see the need. Thankfully, I can see though how my kind efforts do change the course of events, the issue becomes safe, the child is safe and I am rejected. So the outcome is encouraging to me. I wish the parents wouldn't do that though. I often tell people that I hate the scenario where I am called into an office and told, "You knew that this was what you were supposed to do and what were you thinking?" With a child, there is no grace. See, I can imagine a parent rolling over on their child and me getting the blame. Pediatric nurses are restricted by demanding overbearing parents. We must comply with most requests because parents and patients have rights. They can refuse meds. They can refuse tests. They can refuse the monitor. They can diss nurses. They can speak disrespectfully to us. But you let something go wrong and look where the finger is pointed. Does this mom take any responsibility for what happened? Did she say something to that nurse that caused the nurse to try to help her? No, she is now the wounded person and WE were supposed to know better. Now today, thanks to Obamacare, these same parents within the next few years will be able to express their dissatisfaction with our compliance to their every desire. If we get a low score, supposedly, Medicaid will not pay for the full hospital bill. As I said, I wish more parents could hear this because perhaps one in a hundred thousand will be like Gabriel. But it only takes one to get us to see that safety is more important than making a hospital stay seem like a luxury vacation at the Ritz. It is never pleasant to have a sick child because children get pinched and poked and nobody wants to see their child go through that. What parents need to see is that we are not trying to hurt that child. We are trying to help them. I would have further asked this mom if someone else could stay at bedside while she went home and got some rest. In our unit, we have encouraged parents to leave to go home and get rest. Our unit is secured and locked. And we take good care of our babies. I am truly sorry for your loss. So sad.

  • Apr 25

    Quote from Farawyn
    If the environment is truly toxic, change jobs.
    This is not rocket science.
    Not everyone wants to change jobs for a lot of reasons including the proximity to home, the type of client, and where we fit in best. I fully disagree with having to move around because people are "toxic." And you are right, people are becoming more and more toxic as though this is business as usual and everyone either suck it up and take it or leave. It is a lousy philosophy if you ask me. How about all toxic people get a pink slip and the rest of us can work in peace?

  • Apr 24

    Quote from Farawyn
    If the environment is truly toxic, change jobs.
    This is not rocket science.
    Not everyone wants to change jobs for a lot of reasons including the proximity to home, the type of client, and where we fit in best. I fully disagree with having to move around because people are "toxic." And you are right, people are becoming more and more toxic as though this is business as usual and everyone either suck it up and take it or leave. It is a lousy philosophy if you ask me. How about all toxic people get a pink slip and the rest of us can work in peace?

  • Apr 23

    Quote from Farawyn
    If the environment is truly toxic, change jobs.
    This is not rocket science.
    Not everyone wants to change jobs for a lot of reasons including the proximity to home, the type of client, and where we fit in best. I fully disagree with having to move around because people are "toxic." And you are right, people are becoming more and more toxic as though this is business as usual and everyone either suck it up and take it or leave. It is a lousy philosophy if you ask me. How about all toxic people get a pink slip and the rest of us can work in peace?

  • Apr 21

    Quote from Mom To 4
    Keep work at work and your life outside of that.
    That is true. But that isn't the point. Most lateral violence that is typically cited is concerning senior nurses to the newer nurses. That has happened to me even though I was older age wise at the time. I think the frustration for me personally is embracing bedside nursing. If everyone is aspiring to get away from it and only a few senior nurses are at bedside for 30 plus years, then the other spots are constantly being filled and rotated by new nurses who can't wait to leave. So they leave and another person who is new comes to take their place. The senior nurses give a great deal of themselves into those nurses to make them successful but rarely get any recognition for their efforts. I actually like teaching. In fact, as a night shift nurse, I have come to expect the outcome that the person is aspiring to eventually move on. I pour myself into these people knowing they will leave at some point. My only contention is that some of them (not all) are not there to work or are not there because they care. I could care less what they do in their off time. I barely have time for my own family. I have no desire to do anything with anyone outside of work. I love this statement from the original post. " as if those great women who pioneered nursing to care for the sick, indigent and wounded would be so saddened by the "General Hospital", "Grays Anatomy"; "high school acting" nurses of today."


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