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Sensibility, BSN, RN Pro 1,726 Views

Joined Sep 9, '11 - from 'South, Florida'. Sensibility is a Staff RN. Posts: 86 (33% Liked) Likes: 45

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  • 7:13 am

    Some people, Ruby, are not as good at others at blowing people's reactions off. They don't teach that in school and when we do act that way, we become the very people we dislike so much. It hard to stay above it. My husband, God bless him, has listened to me on more than a few occasions share some of my frustrations. He prays for me. I don't know what I would do without a husband that prays for me night after night. God has woken him up on some of my worst nights to pray. That is the truth. The thing that works for me is forgiving my offenders and giving it to God to handle. And trust me, He has handled things for me in ways that I could not have. It doesn't help me though when there is so much pressure, anger, abusive talking from patients and the overwhelming responsibility. One thing I am grateful for is that my hospital has zero tolerance for negative behaviors. If an employee wants to get in trouble, just start giving people a hard time of it and that includes the physicians. Nevertheless, when one situations is resolved, another seems to arise. The better we are at patient care and knowing what we are doing, the better we are in other areas. In other words, experience helps. I am a nice person. I don't like nursing either when people aren't nice. I don't like to be yelled at or for people to take their frustrations out on me. These are things that people should know when they sign up for nursing. It is not easy to live day to day in the pressure cooker.

  • Apr 29

    Quote from Mom To 4
    Keep work at work and your life outside of that.
    That is true. But that isn't the point. Most lateral violence that is typically cited is concerning senior nurses to the newer nurses. That has happened to me even though I was older age wise at the time. I think the frustration for me personally is embracing bedside nursing. If everyone is aspiring to get away from it and only a few senior nurses are at bedside for 30 plus years, then the other spots are constantly being filled and rotated by new nurses who can't wait to leave. So they leave and another person who is new comes to take their place. The senior nurses give a great deal of themselves into those nurses to make them successful but rarely get any recognition for their efforts. I actually like teaching. In fact, as a night shift nurse, I have come to expect the outcome that the person is aspiring to eventually move on. I pour myself into these people knowing they will leave at some point. My only contention is that some of them (not all) are not there to work or are not there because they care. I could care less what they do in their off time. I barely have time for my own family. I have no desire to do anything with anyone outside of work. I love this statement from the original post. " as if those great women who pioneered nursing to care for the sick, indigent and wounded would be so saddened by the "General Hospital", "Grays Anatomy"; "high school acting" nurses of today."

  • Apr 28

    Some people, Ruby, are not as good at others at blowing people's reactions off. They don't teach that in school and when we do act that way, we become the very people we dislike so much. It hard to stay above it. My husband, God bless him, has listened to me on more than a few occasions share some of my frustrations. He prays for me. I don't know what I would do without a husband that prays for me night after night. God has woken him up on some of my worst nights to pray. That is the truth. The thing that works for me is forgiving my offenders and giving it to God to handle. And trust me, He has handled things for me in ways that I could not have. It doesn't help me though when there is so much pressure, anger, abusive talking from patients and the overwhelming responsibility. One thing I am grateful for is that my hospital has zero tolerance for negative behaviors. If an employee wants to get in trouble, just start giving people a hard time of it and that includes the physicians. Nevertheless, when one situations is resolved, another seems to arise. The better we are at patient care and knowing what we are doing, the better we are in other areas. In other words, experience helps. I am a nice person. I don't like nursing either when people aren't nice. I don't like to be yelled at or for people to take their frustrations out on me. These are things that people should know when they sign up for nursing. It is not easy to live day to day in the pressure cooker.

  • Apr 28

    I wish this mom could read what I have to say. I am a pediatric nurse. This story is not only a cautionary tale for nurses but parents. As a nurse, I have been told by more than a few parents that they did not want me as their nurse. And why? Well, because unlike Mrs. Schweitzer's nurse, I would have worked on correcting the problem with the monitor and told the mom that it has to be on regardless of how often it alarms. I would have apologized for the inconvenience but that it was necessary especially if Gabriel was having seizures or something of that nature. I am jumping to a conclusion because he was being seen by neuro-surgery. This may not have changed the outcome but it would have surely been one less thing to say we did wrong. And she would have requested another nurse because, as she stated, she was tired and weary and she wanted to rest and that nurse was trying to help her to give her good customer service. At what point can a parent see that it isn't about them but about the baby? I am in no way blaming this mom. I am saying that this is a golden rule that is forefront in the hearts of many pediatric nurses. I have had this negative reaction happen over co-sleeping with small babies in a bed, coming to bedside too many times to deal with IV meds, speaking transparently about what is going on, and trying to intervene when a child, for example, had a fever that was not being controlled by the meds and I wanted to give a bath to get that high fever down. Do you know how many babies have died in the home because the parent rolled over on them while they were sleeping? Too many. And yet, these parents insist on sleeping with the baby. I have been given a hard time for sharing side effects of meds even though the new laws stipulate that we educate parents on this. Parents complain, request another nurse who will give them a positive story and not share what's going on and they get what they want. I have only once gotten an apology by a parent and it was not the one that actually blew up at me. I have had them walk out the door with their nose in the air. I have had nurses who comply with parents every request pridefully tell me that they never have that happen. And yet, it is stories like this that encourage me to continue to attempt to help parents see the need. Thankfully, I can see though how my kind efforts do change the course of events, the issue becomes safe, the child is safe and I am rejected. So the outcome is encouraging to me. I wish the parents wouldn't do that though. I often tell people that I hate the scenario where I am called into an office and told, "You knew that this was what you were supposed to do and what were you thinking?" With a child, there is no grace. See, I can imagine a parent rolling over on their child and me getting the blame. Pediatric nurses are restricted by demanding overbearing parents. We must comply with most requests because parents and patients have rights. They can refuse meds. They can refuse tests. They can refuse the monitor. They can diss nurses. They can speak disrespectfully to us. But you let something go wrong and look where the finger is pointed. Does this mom take any responsibility for what happened? Did she say something to that nurse that caused the nurse to try to help her? No, she is now the wounded person and WE were supposed to know better. Now today, thanks to Obamacare, these same parents within the next few years will be able to express their dissatisfaction with our compliance to their every desire. If we get a low score, supposedly, Medicaid will not pay for the full hospital bill. As I said, I wish more parents could hear this because perhaps one in a hundred thousand will be like Gabriel. But it only takes one to get us to see that safety is more important than making a hospital stay seem like a luxury vacation at the Ritz. It is never pleasant to have a sick child because children get pinched and poked and nobody wants to see their child go through that. What parents need to see is that we are not trying to hurt that child. We are trying to help them. I would have further asked this mom if someone else could stay at bedside while she went home and got some rest. In our unit, we have encouraged parents to leave to go home and get rest. Our unit is secured and locked. And we take good care of our babies. I am truly sorry for your loss. So sad.

  • Apr 27

    Thanks everyone who responded. I am about to get my BSN in a couple of weeks. Yeah. I have been learning a great deal about this topic. There have actually been about 78 evidence based research papers on the topic of lateral and horizontal violence. MJH3483, it is covert in nature. It is gossip, not answering questions, refusing to help, sabotage, giving your favorite nurse the best assignments, the silent treatment, and a whole lot more. It can be petty or very serious if it involves patients. The victim often feels isolated and suffers with low self esteem, which is the goal of the bully. The bullies are usually the older nurses and the victim is typically either a new grad or new to the hospital. This is a major problem for hospitals because the nurse will ultimately leave after the hospital has invested hundreds of thousands of dollars in training this nurse. Retention in the hospital setting should be a priority, which is why hospitals need to take this seriously. I took that EBP research to the human resources department and it made a difference. I at least feel that my name has been restored and that this cannot happen easily again. So for that, I am grateful. People should not have to hire attorneys or quit to get this resolved, in my opinion. So I worked to try and help my hospital get a perspective on it. Thank you again for your very kind words. It meant a lot to me!!

  • Apr 26

    I wish this mom could read what I have to say. I am a pediatric nurse. This story is not only a cautionary tale for nurses but parents. As a nurse, I have been told by more than a few parents that they did not want me as their nurse. And why? Well, because unlike Mrs. Schweitzer's nurse, I would have worked on correcting the problem with the monitor and told the mom that it has to be on regardless of how often it alarms. I would have apologized for the inconvenience but that it was necessary especially if Gabriel was having seizures or something of that nature. I am jumping to a conclusion because he was being seen by neuro-surgery. This may not have changed the outcome but it would have surely been one less thing to say we did wrong. And she would have requested another nurse because, as she stated, she was tired and weary and she wanted to rest and that nurse was trying to help her to give her good customer service. At what point can a parent see that it isn't about them but about the baby? I am in no way blaming this mom. I am saying that this is a golden rule that is forefront in the hearts of many pediatric nurses. I have had this negative reaction happen over co-sleeping with small babies in a bed, coming to bedside too many times to deal with IV meds, speaking transparently about what is going on, and trying to intervene when a child, for example, had a fever that was not being controlled by the meds and I wanted to give a bath to get that high fever down. Do you know how many babies have died in the home because the parent rolled over on them while they were sleeping? Too many. And yet, these parents insist on sleeping with the baby. I have been given a hard time for sharing side effects of meds even though the new laws stipulate that we educate parents on this. Parents complain, request another nurse who will give them a positive story and not share what's going on and they get what they want. I have only once gotten an apology by a parent and it was not the one that actually blew up at me. I have had them walk out the door with their nose in the air. I have had nurses who comply with parents every request pridefully tell me that they never have that happen. And yet, it is stories like this that encourage me to continue to attempt to help parents see the need. Thankfully, I can see though how my kind efforts do change the course of events, the issue becomes safe, the child is safe and I am rejected. So the outcome is encouraging to me. I wish the parents wouldn't do that though. I often tell people that I hate the scenario where I am called into an office and told, "You knew that this was what you were supposed to do and what were you thinking?" With a child, there is no grace. See, I can imagine a parent rolling over on their child and me getting the blame. Pediatric nurses are restricted by demanding overbearing parents. We must comply with most requests because parents and patients have rights. They can refuse meds. They can refuse tests. They can refuse the monitor. They can diss nurses. They can speak disrespectfully to us. But you let something go wrong and look where the finger is pointed. Does this mom take any responsibility for what happened? Did she say something to that nurse that caused the nurse to try to help her? No, she is now the wounded person and WE were supposed to know better. Now today, thanks to Obamacare, these same parents within the next few years will be able to express their dissatisfaction with our compliance to their every desire. If we get a low score, supposedly, Medicaid will not pay for the full hospital bill. As I said, I wish more parents could hear this because perhaps one in a hundred thousand will be like Gabriel. But it only takes one to get us to see that safety is more important than making a hospital stay seem like a luxury vacation at the Ritz. It is never pleasant to have a sick child because children get pinched and poked and nobody wants to see their child go through that. What parents need to see is that we are not trying to hurt that child. We are trying to help them. I would have further asked this mom if someone else could stay at bedside while she went home and got some rest. In our unit, we have encouraged parents to leave to go home and get rest. Our unit is secured and locked. And we take good care of our babies. I am truly sorry for your loss. So sad.

  • Apr 25

    Quote from Farawyn
    If the environment is truly toxic, change jobs.
    This is not rocket science.
    Not everyone wants to change jobs for a lot of reasons including the proximity to home, the type of client, and where we fit in best. I fully disagree with having to move around because people are "toxic." And you are right, people are becoming more and more toxic as though this is business as usual and everyone either suck it up and take it or leave. It is a lousy philosophy if you ask me. How about all toxic people get a pink slip and the rest of us can work in peace?

  • Apr 24

    Quote from Farawyn
    If the environment is truly toxic, change jobs.
    This is not rocket science.
    Not everyone wants to change jobs for a lot of reasons including the proximity to home, the type of client, and where we fit in best. I fully disagree with having to move around because people are "toxic." And you are right, people are becoming more and more toxic as though this is business as usual and everyone either suck it up and take it or leave. It is a lousy philosophy if you ask me. How about all toxic people get a pink slip and the rest of us can work in peace?

  • Apr 23

    Quote from Farawyn
    If the environment is truly toxic, change jobs.
    This is not rocket science.
    Not everyone wants to change jobs for a lot of reasons including the proximity to home, the type of client, and where we fit in best. I fully disagree with having to move around because people are "toxic." And you are right, people are becoming more and more toxic as though this is business as usual and everyone either suck it up and take it or leave. It is a lousy philosophy if you ask me. How about all toxic people get a pink slip and the rest of us can work in peace?

  • Apr 21

    Quote from Mom To 4
    Keep work at work and your life outside of that.
    That is true. But that isn't the point. Most lateral violence that is typically cited is concerning senior nurses to the newer nurses. That has happened to me even though I was older age wise at the time. I think the frustration for me personally is embracing bedside nursing. If everyone is aspiring to get away from it and only a few senior nurses are at bedside for 30 plus years, then the other spots are constantly being filled and rotated by new nurses who can't wait to leave. So they leave and another person who is new comes to take their place. The senior nurses give a great deal of themselves into those nurses to make them successful but rarely get any recognition for their efforts. I actually like teaching. In fact, as a night shift nurse, I have come to expect the outcome that the person is aspiring to eventually move on. I pour myself into these people knowing they will leave at some point. My only contention is that some of them (not all) are not there to work or are not there because they care. I could care less what they do in their off time. I barely have time for my own family. I have no desire to do anything with anyone outside of work. I love this statement from the original post. " as if those great women who pioneered nursing to care for the sick, indigent and wounded would be so saddened by the "General Hospital", "Grays Anatomy"; "high school acting" nurses of today."

  • Apr 20

    Excellent post. I could not have said it better. What the writer identified is so common place that it is scary. I have only met a handful of young nurses who come to night shift for their first position in nursing that really embrace the whole concept of what it is to be a nurse. They immediately enroll in a college for their MSN degree. We had several openings for day shift. I was not asked by upper management if I wanted this. But these nurses who have been there for a year or two were. I do believe they gossip and bad mouth the very people that invested their lives into them to make them successful. I won't say all but many of them do. They want to get out of bedside nursing as quickly as they possibly can. Most of the ones I have met are not as ruthless as the one mentioned above. The scenario of doing something personal while others work is also commonplace. It is one thing if there is some downtime for everyone. No problem. It is another thing if they could so easily take some of the burden off of others but instead without conscience sit there while others are working their b-hinds off.

  • Apr 20

    What is really sad is that these young nurses are exalted in the eyes of the leadership. The leadership goes so overboard to try and get these people to stay. I am not asking for people to be treated disrespectfully. I am asking for those same people to notice what's going on and do something about it. Oh, and did I mention that these girls get nurse of the year for doing absolutely nothing over and above the call of duty? People such as myself who are no longer cute or young but do many extras get not even a thank you note. LOL. The system is definitely flawed. All those kudos do not change the fact that many of the young people that get into nursing are not inclined to bedside nursing. They are prima donnas who thought that taking care of poop and vomit would be glamorous and lucrative. It is hard to have to make up the difference to give the best nursing care in that environment. You would not believe the standard that I am held to.

  • Apr 19

    Excellent post. I could not have said it better. What the writer identified is so common place that it is scary. I have only met a handful of young nurses who come to night shift for their first position in nursing that really embrace the whole concept of what it is to be a nurse. They immediately enroll in a college for their MSN degree. We had several openings for day shift. I was not asked by upper management if I wanted this. But these nurses who have been there for a year or two were. I do believe they gossip and bad mouth the very people that invested their lives into them to make them successful. I won't say all but many of them do. They want to get out of bedside nursing as quickly as they possibly can. Most of the ones I have met are not as ruthless as the one mentioned above. The scenario of doing something personal while others work is also commonplace. It is one thing if there is some downtime for everyone. No problem. It is another thing if they could so easily take some of the burden off of others but instead without conscience sit there while others are working their b-hinds off.



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