lululucy (2,319 Views)
Joined Aug 10, '11.
Posts: 28 (18% Liked)
I've read through about 4 or 5 pages of this. I just want to voice my own opinion from what the OP is going through. Its true in life that you will have to "get over" the cruel people in this world. At the same time, NO one deserves to be bullied. I've been through a similar circumstance, and feeling alone when you're in a new place is really hard. Just know you are not alone. This type of bullying happens all the time. Its the social world we live in. The people in your unit are probably just trying to practice their authority on to you. Stay strong in yourself. Never let them put you down. But still know, what they are doing is NOT right, but typical.
It's not just nursing. Unfortunately, and I hate this as a woman, but some very insecure women do seem to turn against their own. I see it in my company too. On top of it, I am slender, and I have heard that some of the women "hate me for that???" Wow. Can't win here. For a long time as an attorney, I thought if I was extra friendly, everyone would appreciate me and I would experience a good work atmosphere, make friends, yada yada. Now coming on ten years, it hit me that I'm done with it. I am now a good attorney and that's all that matters. I keep my head down and concentrate on my work. So long as my (male) supervisor is happy with my work, I don't care if the admins and secretaries and engineers like me. I suppose I am a people pleaser, and I am over that too. You can't make everyone happy. The next time you hear someone talking about you, just walk right up, insert yourself and ask if they need to talk to you personally? If someone is not listening to you, just pause and say "I noticed you don't seem to be focusing on what I am saying. Is there a problem?" I know it's easier said than done, but practice makes perfect. I have noticed that once you let a bully get the upper hand, it never stops, and they seem to delight in your trying to make nice. Been there done that. Good luck to you and all other nice people out there. Do not let bullies rule.
To 'anotherone' I'm sorry I think your behavior of 'never even bother' greeting a fellow co-worker is down right sad and I wouldn't advertise your lack of civility at your workplace. The ANA has made it clear that nurses are responsible for client teaching that improves the standard for patient care; that includes teaching CNAs, other co-workers, family's of the patient w/home care issues and yes---Nursing Students. It is irresponsible to fail in your ANA duty and expectation to educate a nursing student or first year nursing grad on the needs of the patients. "..too sensitive..." I think it's shameful that a patient's health could be at risk b/c some RN is obviously burnt out and needs to find another profession. Yes nursing is a profession! Shameful, no wonder women in this field cont to make less pay than the 5% male nurses. The preceptor needs to grow up and gossip is unprofessional. Slander could be a problem. I suggest you remind these nurses that the care of the patients exceeds the petty needs to be a catty female stereotype that hurts the profession of nursing and the pay of women. You should never get use to gossip it is inappropriate and as for patients--that is a violation of HIPAA! Just my opinion, Best of Luck!
I absolutly agree with this. I have been a nurse for 5 years now, and I am a preceptor as well. Yes, there are days when I am spread thin and don't necessarily want to teach others, but I have never been rude or looked down on someone because that is not what a preceptors job is. You need to remember you are NEW. That means you DO NOT know everything, and it IS your preceptors job to give you guidance and assure that you feel comfortable with what you are doing, and that you are in comliance with that particular facilites policies. If they have a problem with that they shound let thier manager know that they simply do not want to be a preceptor anymore. Your preceptor should have shown you how to use the IV bag correctly, not send you down to pharmacy, that was demeaning. I do see a lot of bulling myself in the hospital I work at. I don't agree with it at all. People get comfortable with their jobs over time, and honestly I believe they find new employees and especially new nurses as a threat. I also know nurses who that have stuck around that used to be bullied are not the ones they bother anymore, someone else new will come along and they will be too busy pushing them around to mess with you. My advice to you would be to stand up for yourself and let them know you dont appreciate their attitude or unprofessionalism. Of course be professional yourself about it, but be sure and also get your point across. Once they see you in fact do have a back bone, I guarantee they will find someone else to direct their crappy attitude towards. Kepp your head up! Remember you worked to hard for what you have to let some other bratty nurse take away youre happiness!
Wow, this sounds like my experience when I was precepting as a student. My preceptor had to be just about the worst person ever. It was 11 weeks of hell and I got through it some how. I actually am stronger because of it but lateral violence or bullying is so unnecessary in the workplace, esp when dealing with patients. We are professionals and I think that years of working as a nurse makes some people forget that. Just speak to your manager about the issues and hopefully it can be resolved. Anyone who says you are sensitive or should just "deal with it" is wrong. We are adults and as I said PROFESSIONALS. It will get better. Just hold your head up high, remind yourself why your their, cover your butt, and do your work. Everything else will fall into place. Good luck.
Shame on all of those who are suggesting that she is either bringing it upon herself and/or that it is all in the process of the "teaching moment"! If these are truly your views, than you are part of the problem, and not the solution. As we all know, or should know, healthcare requires true teamwork. That is the difference between and hospital with low HCAP scores and high scores.
Until nurses can support one another and respect one another, the profession will continue to be looked to as a "job" and not a true profession. All they are is catty women who enjoy power plays because they lack their own self-esteem. It is a vicious cycle.
Creating fear in others does NOT promote learning or confidence in any shape or form, and in the end, the patients suffer, mistakes are made, and lawsuits filed.
There are some wonderful books, and studies out there that focus on the problem, and reach the same conclusions. One of them is "When Nurses hurt Nurses" I would recommend all nurses educate themselves on this far reaching problem which makes so many people's lives miserable. No on should have to dread going to work in the profession that they made so many sacrifices to be part of!
I have been a Nurse for over 20 years and I can assure you that the person who bullied you will have a history of the same behavior with other people. She is mean spirited and lacks confidence. Why do you think she is putting you down? It's (sadly) her way of making her feel better.
Keep doing a good job at work and remember that we are not perfect. If a nurse has never admitted to a mistake, she is not being honest.
People are afraid of someone who bullies others and are probably afraid to speak up. I takes time,
but it does catch up with them. Managers do believe you when they see a repeated behavior, so it's good that they know what happened to you. You don't have to be overly nice to her. Just be respectful and professional. But tell her if she is being rude and unprofessional with you. Sometimes that is all it takes, because she really doesn't have much confidence if she is putting you down!
Sounds like you got a raw deal with your preceptor. Hope they relocate her, not you. Hold your head high and don't let this witch get you down. Not all nurses are like her. Do your job and go home, don't worry about being accepted or friends w/ your coworkers. You need to be able to work with them, but you don't have to like them. Hope your manager/educator takes care of this too. Demand a new preceptor. Good luck. We've all been there. It gets better.
I too am a new nurse (9 months) and have the "meanie Nurses" on my shift. My advise is to do the best you can with the situation and apply for jobs elsewhere. I'm not going to be talked about, ignored, and given a heavier work load and be happy with it. I'm moving on as soon as I can get on somewhere else. Until then, I keep quiet, I don't work extra days, and stay away from the nurses station the best I can. Management knows about the bullying issues and does nothing to correct it (they are happy to have warm bodies). The loss is theirs, the money spent to put me through school (yes, this hospital paid my tuition), orienting me, and putting me on payroll was not cheap! But I am not staying at a company that has employees that are down right mean to their co-workers. MOVE ON!!!
once again this is called "lateral abuse" therefore, the only way to deal with this is by keeping a daily report with time & date and the names of those present during the bullying. having said that, you'll have proof when your manager or don asked "when did this happened?" moreover, regarding you leaving i say no,no no no, that's exactly what the perpetrator wants, to demonstrate to others that she/he is in control. consequently, you'll find these types of bullying wherever you may go. in addition, my advise to you is don't let anyone intimidate you, just make sure your work is completely done every time; that leaves them without any ammunition. wishing you the best always ...aloha~
I have been reading AN since nursing school five years ago and have learned a lot from new and experienced nurses on this site and in real life. The one thing that never ceases to astound me though is that new nurses are often told to "grow thicker skin" or basically just suck it up and shutup or get out of the game. Everyone was "the new guy" at some point and while I have learned not to take things personally when others have personality deficits, I still often wonder why so many people think that it is okay when others find it too much trouble to return a greeting to a coworker especially when it is someone in a position of authority. New nurses or even experienced nurses who are stepping into a new area are generally nervous and scared. I would be worried about a nurse who wasn't nervous in unfamiliar territory. After all, the scariest nurses are the ones who have nothing left to learn. We are a community and even though the attitude that you "don't go to work to make friends" runs rampant, I will always be grateful for the people who take the 2 seconds to say "hi" in the mornings (or evenings) because I have been in situations where that was all it took to let me know I could breath and if I can provide that reassurance for someone else so simply then I will be more than happy to earn a little karma.
Its rude not to speak to someone when spoken to. No?? I don't think its bullying but just being rude. I think it was a number of things that made the OP say that she was/is being bullied. And for your preceptor not to speak to you and then train you all day...that speaks volumes to me. Says the lines of communication are closed
I am a new-grad of now four years, remembering back to that first year. There were bullies then; there are bullies now, and they do tend to prey on the new nurses. (And, oh boy, they even do it in teams!) I believe it is "posturing" to a great extent. That is, showing YOU just where you are in the pecking order. And here is another thing I believe: Most real managers won't tolerate it in their workplaces, 'cause this kind of stuff is pervasive and harmful to everyone including patients.
I am a firm believer in holding bullies accountable for what they do, and am not timid about reporting bad behavior. Though uncomfortable, it must be brought to the managers' attention, and put the incidents in writing, too. Those bullies who are involved and are counseled should, and most likely will, be told that there will be no retribution for your comments.
One more thing: You should not "have to" get a thicker skin; you just will.
Lululucy, just one more personal feeling about bullying and the coversation about speaking and not being spoken to. It's kind of like when Potter Stewart (former Associate Justice of the US Supreme Court) made the now-famous remark about pornography: "It's kind of hard to define, but I know it when I see it." Bullying is the same, and I'm ever so sure you saw it. Bullies are not very clever in their attempts at covertness.
Wooh, okay but when a person doesn't speak consistently that is rude. It was one of the first things I learned as a kid was to speak when spoken to. It takes two seconds to acknowledge someone and say "hi." And it takes more energy not to say hi. If there is a code then that's one thing, but what Lululucy went through is something altogether different.
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