SoundofMusic 9,421 Views
Joined Apr 7, '07.
Posts: 1,005 (55% Liked)
I am about seven months off orientation now, and it seems I'm still making mistakes, even worse ones. Every day I walk in, there seems to be something that just gets thrown at me and there just aren't the friendly preceptors around now -- just the nasty old seasoned nurses who aren't too nice about my mistakes. I get tired of it, but try to go on and chalk it up to learning and "doing the time." Even though the experiences are trying, I'm learning from them and hope to fall back on it at some point.
I was horrible in a code situation last night, and I just feel like the biggest dope this a.m. I was surrounded by all the experienced hot shots who basically reduced me to an errand girl in a code for MY patient -- ****** me off. They just all seem to come in and take over and it can make you feel like THEY dont' trust YOU to know what you're doing. The problem is -- that vibe actually reduces my confidence and I start screwing up -- I hate it when that happens.
I just wish over and over the "seasoned" nurses would cut new nurses some fricking SLACK. How can we automatically perform brilliantly in every situation when we haven't even lived through them yet? There is often "teaching" on skills in theory, but no real life experience taught until you're knee deep in crap --
I dont' know the answer -- it's just incredibly painful to be climbing up that learning curve!
I try at least to arm myself with enough knowledge about their case, their problems, what the treatments plans are, etc, so that I can discuss with them the plans. If I go in "blind," I ask them for time to review their case, explain to them that I just came on, dont' know their case, etc. MOST people will understand and give me time to get caught up. Then I can investigate, find out what's wrong, try to help, etc. With most reasonable people, it works.
I also don't get too friendly lately, EVER. I am professional, friendly, but not a "friend" to families. I am their nurse, try to be their advocate, but I'm not their friend. I have been burned from being too friendly with those who simply turned on me in a flash when things started not to go well.
With some who get unreasonable, I will try to politely reason, try to politely provide explanations, and often I can turn them around and get them to calm down. I will try to listen to them as much as possible, see their point of view, etc.
The ones that TOTALLY get me are the ones who complain about the food. I mean -- it's SO childish to me to complain about a hot meal -- who CARES if it's not restaurant quality -- most of it is edible, at least -- and if they are well enough to complain about it, IMO, they aren't even sick enough to be in the hospital in the first place. Just my opinon -- just grinds my gears to no end.
Well, your'e not alone. I had to go on zoloft right at the start of nursing school, and unbelievably, I was able to wean off of it before becoming a nurse -- but I definitely have high moments of anxiety and wish i was back on it. I also was taking Lunesta for a long time while doing nights because I'd come home so spun up and stressed. Now I'm more into natural herbals to get to sleep.
I agree w/ everyone not to divulge this to anyone at work. It's none of their business. It's your health issue.
AD's take at least 6 weeks to really start kicking in. Until then, take it easy on yourself, get plenty of rest, use lots of good positive self talk -- go to movies, whatever. get your mind off of it. Take part in some pleasurable activities to get those endorphins going -- exercise, whatever. Eat well, Take good care of YOU.
Your'e doing a lot -- working in a tough profession w/ a small child. It's very tough. But your'e going in the right direction by getting help and seeing a counselor. Those are all the right things!!!! So, you're doing the right thing w/ your health, and you're probably also doing all of the right things at work. Try not to be your own worst enemy. I know how it is because I am always my own also.
Remember, you're a new nurse. NO ONE expects you to be proficient at this point. Some preceptor or manager or another nurse on the staff might occasionally harrass you and haggle w/ you over things, but in their own way, they're just trying to teach you and make you a safe nurse. Don't take any criticisms or corrections personally. Just say, "Oh, ok, thanks for that. I'm glad you took the time to teach me -- thanks again."
As long as you are working hard and putting forth a good faith effort -- that is enough. I see you started in an ICU which can be traumatizing. I did that also and for me, also, it was the wrong move. Just put way too much fear into me. I went to a floor and did much better and now am ready to go back to an ICU after 2 years.
You're doing great, girl -- you are courageous!!! You are a great mom! You're gonna be a fantastic nurse!!!!! Never happens overnight ...
Just hate the stress. The very hectic moments trying to get so much done in so little time. Really hate the nasty co-workers and most of all, nurses who eat their young. I hope for some of them, that karma will be a real b***tch. Because as time goes on and i actually meet more nice nurses that ARE out there -- the meanies seem all the more ridiculous.
But I love the appreciative patients, the cute litte demented old ladies and all the touching moments w/ patients. Love getting better at my job as time goes on. Love being off 4-5 days now a week and being available for my family, while bringing home good money to make life easier. I also love wearing scrubs.
Whew, I could have written the OP's post myself. As a turn the corner here on my first year in nursing, I find myself more burnt out now than I was even in my orientation time. I also have a family and bills, my oldest to get through college, and I just can't quit. It's a horrible way to feel when you feel trapped.
And at least you do feel accepted -- at this point, I feel marginally accepted on my unit -- not exactly part of the "in" crowd. I'm a 2nd degree student also and it's tough to fit in with the younger nurses, and also tough to fit in with the older more experienced ones. Lately I find myself just keeping to myself more and more, and not even trying to get into the talk or conversations.
Night shift is also starting to kick me. I take Lunesta to sleep, but walk around in a fog on my days off. I have to FORCE myself to get exercise, and to stay up during the day -- it is no way to live.
I find myself dreaming now of switching units, or even trying a new hospital, just for a change of scenery. It just gets unbearable returning to my position on his unit now. Last night I left a lot of work undone, which isn't normal for me -- I was just so burnt out, so sick of the slavery I'd been succumbed to that day, so tired of the managers poking at me all day, so wanting to just get home on time for a change, that I just left it. I hated that I did that -- but it's just IMPOSSIBLE to get it all done unless you just move your **** every second of the day. Meanwhile, it just seems certain people on our unit get the easier assignments and sit around a lot more -- and THAT is TOALLY demoralizing, especially when they offer no help to you when you are drowning.
Frankly, I'm just sick of this type of work -- just constant tasks, for 12-14 hrs straight -- NOWHERE do people work this hard without food, drinks, and some breaks. NOWWHERE -- it is just absolutely frying to your brain and your soul.
Sorry to be so negative. In so many ways, I AM getting it. I AM functioning well as a nurse. I leave on time MOSt of the time, am learning tons, and am learning how to talk to docs. Lots of good going on, but also burnout is just creeping in.
I don't know -- maybe I tend to glamorize the NP job a bit, but I'd rather make $80 or 90K and NOT have to run on my feet 12 hours straight, wade in poop and all the other various bodily fluids, put up with less than endearing nurses and techs, patients falling, screaming, confused and demanding that i bring them their JELLO and adjust their tissue box all day from one end of the table to the other ON SATURDAYs, holidays and the various other days that always seem to fall on the days when I need off.
I'm going for lifestyle as much as i am for salary.
Just saw an NP in primary care for my own care the other day ...her job looked pretty nice and she wasn't sweating or stressing out a whole lot as far as I could see. She looked nice, her hair was done, her makeup wasn't sliding off.
Not that I don't believe the job isn't stressful ...
For a second income, as far as my own personal life goes, it's definitely GREAT pay.
I would also relish the thought of dealing with patient for a short time and going onto the next ...not spending an entire 12 hour day w/ the same person.
Also all the teaching possibilities and other areas one can move into w/ the graduate degree. It's not always all about money.
This is exactly why I love being an NP! For years when I took care of a 50 y/o in full blown CHF b/c of 10 years of untreated hypertension I would wonder "who in the heck was taking care of this patient and did they REALLY communicate to him what was going on?" Sure, there are people who are going to do their own thing no matter what, but let me tell you I have some crazy high hypertensive patients and they are coming back q. 2 weeks until we get a stable BP...and they are doing GREAT! I love talking with my 35 y/o obese depressed women who are pre-hypertensive and pre-diabetic and laying it all out for them and coming up with a plan.
I start work around 9 and am busy until noon when the madness STOPS. The office doors CLOSE and I sit down and eat a nice lunch, check my email, chill out for 40 minutes and then finish my morning charts. I do not have to transfer 300 lb post-CABG patients to the bedside chair q 4 times a day; I am not pushing gurneys, lifting patients on bedpans, kneeling on the concrete floor of the ER desperately trying to get an IV in on the coding patient while simultaneously trashing my knees! I get to PEE multiple times DAILY! The working conditions don't even compare. I am a very fit 40 something who has always taken great care of her body but there is just no.way. I could continue doing 12 hr. shifts in the hospital.
They are just killing me. Why is it that so many of them feel so entitled to sit in their aging parents rooms and just boss us nurses to HELL and back, while they sit there, fully able to do much of what we're doing for their parent, but simply do NOT have the time to do when we have other patients and issues to deal with. i MEAN -- can't they get mom up at least perhaps ONCE during the day? Does it have to be a nurse doing it every single time, ten times a day??
I just came off a shift tonight where I literally waitressed all day long, making and fetching coffee and water and 100 millions cups of juice for these patients (because we're always short a tech) -- and a patient's daughter was literally screaming at nurses at change of shift to come in and do something or other for her mother. It was absolutely NOT an emergency. (She was actually screaming -- "Good thing it WASN'T an emergency!!" These people have been on our unit for over 2-3 weeks, running every nurse on the unit ragged. Their mother is far over 80 years old and is only going to head to weeks of rehab after being on our unit. They want a private nurse -- that is what they want and need. But they can't get that on a floor. I think their call light was on for perhaps five minutes, max.
I am just SO tired of family members not understanding what we do -- and our managers from the floor to the corporate headquarters not backing us up to explain it to them. We are simply to treat everyone as our "family members" and go above and beyond 1000 percent of the time. Who goes above and beyond FOR NURSES??? DOES ANYONE???
We have no private space to do our charting, we are like fish in a bowl for these family members. If they see you at the nursing station -- that's it. They are ON YOU like flies. If they don't have a reason to bug you, they will find one. So, you don't get your charting done on time and are left to stay after a shift for an hour.
I am just so tired of it. So burnt out. Is it any wonder why they can't keep nurses for long? I mean -- come on, management -- take a LOOK at what you are doing to nurses nowadays. Put some LIMITS, please, on these family members. It is OUT OF CONTROL.
To the devoted son who stayed in the room w/ his demented mom all night -- you ARE one amazing person to be here with your aging parent, to stay, to help, to do what a family member SHOULD do when their aging parent is in the hospital. You are probably one of the FIRST I've seen do this in a year's time.
However, since you ARE staying, it's not fair to expect me and the other pt in the room to be quiet so your mom can sleep. Your mom won't sleep anyway, and this patient also has a right to care and is going to make noise during the night. That's just the way it is -- our hospital hasn't built the new building w/ private rooms, yet.
But other than that, I thank you PROFUSELY for staying and doing the right thing. You are not a handsome man, but you would make a great catch for any woman, if you are not already married. Not a lot left like you out there anymore. :wink2:
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