Bullying & Promotion

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My wife has been a nurse for over 20 years and is a well-qualified, experienced and competent nurse/manager who is respected and liked in her workplace.... but not by all.

Another nurse recently lodged a false claim of harassment against her. This nurse appears to have a few problems dealing with people and left nursing for a few years after her own harassment of others was addressed. She appears to have now used the same process against my wife that was used successfully by other nurses against her.

Nothing came of the harassment claim. The nurse who lodged the false claim against my wife flatly refused mediation and her claims were proven to be either very trivial or false. She has, however, poisoned the mind of her personal friend in management against my wife. This friend started to bully my wife and exclude her from group activities. My wife was systematically striped of her responsibilities, given bad shifts without any reason, refused leave, and so on. The friend also tries to find fault where none exists. Several other nurses are also being treated the same way for the same reason.

My wife is very strong and can stand up to bullies but when enough was enough she and others reluctantly complained to someone very high in management who was both aware personally of my wife's good qualities and the shortcomings of the other two nurses causing her such grief.

My wife also went to the union and a solicitor and the issues appear to be being addressed. It is, however, only a facade and the exclusion, backstabbing lies, bickering, self-promotion and preferential treatment continue. The good news is that my wife has the support of other nurses and now knows whom to trust.

My wife has been offered better positions at other hospitals but she doesn't want to be bullied out of a job she once loved and leave her friends. She was encouraged that she was offered all of the positions for which she applied and it is likely that she will eventually leave.

Being an outsider and working in another industry, I can't understand why nurses put up with such crap from hospitals and why they treat each other so badly. Perhaps having to constantly complete incident reports and justify your actions make some nurses too autocratic and self-focused. In my organisation, it is a given that we actively promote the people we work with when speaking to people from within and outside the organisation. In other words, we try to support each other.

Other husbands of nurses see the same problems in nursing as I have but some of them perceive that the problems arise because most nurses are women. Please don't jump down my throat as I don't believe that this is the case. I currently work in an area with more women than men and have been the only man in a group of women who all worked well as a team. My current boss is a woman that I have great respect for and I have also managed women in the past without any problems - I'd say with less problems than I had with men.

Also, it seems to me that hospitals are more likely to employ a nurse from outside than promote a nurse already at the hospital. With such a shortage of nurses, why don't hospitals take better care of the ones that they have and try to keep them? Is this the case?

I've been vague about the positions of the people involved and the events, as my wife would kill me if she knew I posted this but I'd like your views, as I'm concerned about her.

I'm also thinking of creating a new forum - allpartnersofnurseswholiketodiscusstheirworkproblemsaftertheycomehomefromaneveningshift.com

Hi Husband,

Yesterday, I was approached by 4 colleagues in the space of 8 hours who told me things this nurse who complained about me was saying behind my back. Each one said she had said "don't tell anyone this but...." All different stories too, and new ones. They thought they should tell me, as they knew these stories were untrue. One of the nurses (CN) said they felt she was paranoid. They had seen her behaviour at other times.

I've resigned. Given two weeks notice now. That's it. Management won't investigate, apparently she is too scared to talk to me, (so she told management) but when no one is around she does, also yesterday, again, she had a go at me, no one was around. HoHum, I have no patience for this crap.

Bottom Line: There is a shortage of nurses. I have only ever had this one complaint in writing since I started work in 1990 as a graduate nurse. I know I'll get work. I refuse to have my life made a misery by silly little petty people who having nothing better to do.

I have also been offered a reference by a CNS who knows of this situation and thinks it's a lot of rubbish. She even advised me not to get my reference from my current manager!!!!!!! She was happy to give me one, she had also worked with me on the wards, unlike our manager, and had intereacted with me when she was doing after hours CNS and I was coordinating.

Husband, I admire your wife for sticking it out, I would have left a long time ago. I do think they are overeducated about their rights to the point they know how to abuse the system.

Nurses also said to my wife that the other nurse spoke behind her back for years, even nurses from other hospitals. Some who were ex-friends of the nurse but now bitter enemies said that she was obsessed with getting rid of my wife and getting her job.

The way HR and SOME of management have treated my wife is appalling and I wish that she would just resign like you and move on. When the problems started, my wife applied for other jobs and she has been offered every job that she applied for, including one in a different area of nursing that she had no idea about and couldn't even answer questions at the interview.

I'm sure you'll have no problems finding another job. Good luck.

They are desperate for staff, which is the only reason why the nurse my wife and others are having problems with was given a job in the first place. It was known that she had been out of nursing for a while after stuffing up and that other nurses she worked with had required counselling. She got the job because she was the only applicant after months of advertising.

Specializes in ICU.

My own experience after having walked away from years of bullying was that it left you with a feeling of issues not being resolved, of haveing somehow "lost" to the bully. In this you CAN help your wife to work through those feelings so that she feels she is still in a win/win situation.

Willingly or unwillingly the bully often "sucks" us into playing a game - the game is "I am better than you" unconcsiously we will play that because to not play is an affront to our own self-esteem. Usually the bully themselves has serious self-esteem issues and must do this to validate thier own self-worth.

I think she should leave but your role now is to support her to realise that this is just a signal to move on, that maybe instead of being a problem it is opportunity knocking at a new door for her. She has to leave soon before the bully saps out her self-esteem to where she cannot countenance leaving for fear of failure in a new position.

Even the decision to leave can give you back control over the bully as the constraints of being "nice" to keep the "peace" are lifted and you find yourself able to confront the bully to prevent further occurrances.

You give very good advice gwenith.

I've been doing just that but she does hate to lose. It's "Why should I leave just because of her.......... and so on."

If she does leave, I hope she lets me help write her letter of resignation. It will be a beauty.

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