Don't you hate secrets? - page 2

by Vtachy1 2,172 Views | 13 Comments

I worked in ICU for 15 years and my biggest pet peeve was when families kept secrets or "lets not tell mom about her diagnosis/prognosis". And now in Hospice I've had 2 different families not tell the children. I just hate... Read More


  1. 3
    Quote from SuesquatchRN
    Well, I have learned that sometimes denial is the only defense mechanism people have. I am going to have to learn to help them to acceptance, but without ripping away their only coping skill. Toughie.
    that is so true! i tend to forget that when i am caught in the midst of whispering and closed doors!
    some families are semi open, others make me want to scream- until i step back and realize THIS IS how they deal with the tragedy they are facing;

    then again, when i look at the "world" around me, it is no different! there is always the secrecy thing going on in the office; i addressed management before by voicing: this is how all the rumors get started; no one knows for sure and every one speculates and talks about it and before you know it.......

    at least the families are going through a tragic, life changing event; yes it is frustrating, but be gentle! we are all only human! to us death and dying is our daily bread, to the families it is often brand new and shocking, the carpet was just pulled out from under them
  2. 5
    YES..FRUSTRATING INDEED....I despise it when informed by IDT members or Family members "dont mention they are on hospice"...WTH? really?

    Our jobs are hard enough with out having this type of stipulation put on us.

    I explain..Your time is limited with "loved one"...you need to say all you want to say to your family before you pass and allow your family time to come to grips with your passing. You have quality time, not quantity time left. You must make the best of it.

    To the Family: Further explain...quality time vs. quantity time. You must be allow yourself to grieve and say and do what you need to do, because when your "loved one" passes you will not have another chance. Last breath, last chance.

    I also don't like it when certain family members say "don't allow that person in here..I don't want to see them" when they are not the ones dying. Recently, a dear friend passed away and this very issue arose, I needed to intervene, you need to allow this person to come, you go to the room, this person needs to see this person. Fast forward to Funeral: said person is literally having a break down because they did not get to spend the time with their loved one that they needed to come to grips with it.

    Hospice..only done by those with heart!
    leslie :-D, mom4josh, SuesquatchRN, and 2 others like this.
  3. 3
    Definitely difficult....you are correct that people get stuck in the denial part of their grief. And we cannot change that.

    I try to remember that my relationships with the patient and family MUST be based in trust. So I am honest with the patient, and I am honest and compassionate with the family...even when their hearts are not in the same place.

    Then I go to my car and bang my head on the steering wheel.
    leslie :-D, mom4josh, and SuesquatchRN like this.
  4. 2
    I am a very strong advocate for telling the entire family the truth. My own mother died when I was 22, and I had no idea it was serious enough to take her life. Nobody else seemed surprised, especially her physician. Sucked.
    leslie :-D and tewdles like this.


Top