Work Rant...(Long....feel free to disregard)

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    First off....it has been a long while since I have posted, and things have changed a lot since I was last here.
    Secondly: moderators, if you need to, please redirect my thread to the appropriate section.

    I work in a mental health emergency room...and I deal with people in crisis on a daily basis, and I can handle most anything that comes through our doors, I however, cannot deal with the craziness of management lately. I have even gone as far as talking to HR...which is a joke, BTW...So, since nothing will be fixed any time soon, I need to vent.

    Let me start off by saying that I have been trying my hardest lately to decrease whatever stress in my life that I can, because in order for my IVF to succeed...I have to decrease the stress.

    The stressors I have had to deal with in the past year (not work related)
    • My father is retiring medically for his back issues, then he falls and shatters his radius, dislocates both his radius and ulna, and after his surgery to repair that, he spiked a temp of 104.8....luckily he is home and doing much better.
    • My grandmother had to have massive surgery where they removed three of her vertebrae and replaced it with plastic ones filled with cadaver bone....she was not given a good prognosis, but is already home and doing better than she has in years
    • My husband's aunt had been very sick and in the hospital out of state, the doctors were thinking it was pancreatic cancer, but it turned out to be pancreatitis...she is home doing better now.
    • For the past two years, my husband and I have been dealing with infertility issues. Turns out that my husband has CBAVD (congenital bilateral absence of the vas deferans), and because of that we will never be able to conceive children naturally, and have started into IVF. Previous to us discovering his CBAVD, he had to have two surgeries to discover the issue.
    • My step mother has been having a massive headache, swelling on half of her face, and who knows what else...she has been quite sick and between her and my dad... they have medical bills up the wazoo....

    My work stressors:
    • I have a coworker (we will call her C) from somewhere very unpleasant who has been riding my tail for a good year and a half. I have gone to my director (who we will call T) numerous times over her behaviors, and my issues with them. She has called me a liar numerous times, she has berated me for being rude (when three coworkers will testify that I was not rude) while I was on the phone with another coworker from a different area. But since C has been there longer than I have, I have been told that I have to deal with her, ignore her, and "don't let her get to you" from T. I have tried being very nice to her, I have tried ignoring her, I have tired to avoid her, I have not talked to her, I have talked to her....nothing works... nothing changes. She is half the reason that I called HR because honestly....I have felt like quitting so many times I can't even keep track anymore, but I can't. We cannot live on my husband's salary alone...and honestly the only way we are able to afford our IVF if because my insurance through work is decent with infertility (horrible with actual IVF stuff, but great with medications). The good thing (if your want to call it that) is that I am not her only target...she targets anyone and everyone. She has even questioned one of our coworkers (mind you this is our oldest and most educated (PhD) nurse) if she actually knew what "psychotic" meant. But that doesn't stop her from being rude, abrasive, and down right unpleasant to anyone and everyone.
    • My second major issue is our scheduler, D. D is on a power trip. She has changed our schedules so many times, and with all of my family stressors and my IVF stuff coming up, it makes my life extremely difficult when it changes on a daily basis. She also has a habit of emailing everyone nearly daily (or in today's case 5+) times about things that should be brought up to specific individuals. She also talks to us like we are third graders. Case and point: In an actual email she stated "Your third grade teacher was right, penmanship is important," there are only about two or three people that really need to improve on their penmanship skills. Today she came into the nurses station and made the off hand remark that through my supervisor K into a tizzy, "I don't care if anyone gets their vacation." D threatens us constantly about shift changes, and if things don't improve she is going to start posting assessments for all to see what they did wrong. (I don't even think that is ethical....but that doesn't stop her from continuing to do it ...or stop T from allowing it). We as a team, have tried to figure out ways to cover the shifts that needed to be covered without the constant change to everyone's schedule, but she has ignored our offers. D has taken away hours from part time people, changed the full timer's schedules to the point where we all have to check the schedule daily to make sure that we are coming in when we need to, and not bothering to let us know about the changes.

    I have not made it a secret that I am struggling with infertility, nor have I hid the fact that I will be starting IVF here soon and that I will be taking some days off...I have FMLA to cover these time periods. I have been told numerous times from others who have gone through IVF, from my infertility doctor, from his nurses, from medical doctors and from my therapist (yes I have a therapist) that decreasing my stress will increase my chances for IVF to work. But in order for me to decrease the stress in my life, I feel I have to have some help from those that I work with, and throughout all of my testing, and the times that I thought I was pregnant before we found out my husband's CBAVD diagnosis, my coworkers were amazing...they helped me with every step of the way, were the shoulder I could cry on when I got bad news....without them I would not have made it this far, but lately, it feels like the upper management (T and D mostly) are done helping me.

    I am not asking for much. All I want is that my schedule not change without asking me... if it does change....give me some sort of notice before you change it....and if I have an issue with someone....don't just tell me to "ignore it" because I have tried that numerous times before I ever came to you in the first place......

    When I went to HR, I knew the second I pressed SEND that I shouldn't have done it, because things are not going to change. T pretty much said that word for word after she found out I went to HR, and although C has managed to leave me alone for three days so far, I have a strong suspicion that she is going to go back to here ever so nasty self within a month, despite the meeting we had with HR and T.

    Things with D have not changed and will not change, even with HR's involvement.....so next time my husband suggests that I go to HR (which it took him a good 6+ months to convince me to do it in the first place)....I will probably decline that offer.

    I have probably lost most people by now....but I truly do appreciate you "listening" to my rantings....even if you don't post.
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  3. 4 Comments so far...

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    Sounds rough.

    Its the employees job to play nice, treat each other with respect, not gossip, not bully each other.

    It's management's & HR's job to support and enforce a zero tolerance for lateral violence. It's really important that everyone who feels this is an issue goes to the manager, and to HR.

    That's the only way things change.
    vintagemother likes this.
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    If you have time to cover sick time take it if you can - get a doctors note if possible and use the time to decompress and frankly, even without the IVF stress, your job and the environment sounds toxic and stressful on a chronic basis - I'd be looking for another job. Your family issues and the IVF need to come first, obviously, if at all possible. You don't have to tell a potential employer you are going through IVF treatments (some on here may disagree) but you have the control to lessen the stress in some areas so do it if you can and what you can't (like your father and mother in laws medical bills) try to let go - from how things sound now you are stacking the cards against you w/all the stress..your IVF team is correct - I know someone years ago who spent tens of thousands trying to get pregnant via IVF - the doctors could not make her understand her type A personality and all the stress she would not do anything about was, most likely, the reasons her treatments never took - this has been 15 yrs ago - she is still depressed/regretful she didn't listen - don't end up like her. Give yourself a chance. Good luck
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    I have decided, and my therapist, my family, and several friends totally support me in this, to take almost two weeks off between the egg retrieval and the implantation. My grandmother, my father and my step-mother are doing better, I do not worry about them constantly, but I doubt that I can go long without worrying about them somewhat.

    My work stressors have decreased somewhat, C has decided to "stop mentoring" me, which apparently she was doing earlier, and the constant changes to my schedule have stopped for the moment.....

    Luckily for me, I am so not a type A personality, and I am getting much better at not letting the little things stress me.

    I have seriously thought about changing jobs, but I don't think that is a possibility right now, but I always have my eye open for other job opportunities.

    For me, my family has always come first, and that will never change. I am not one to keep secrets, and my work family has supported me so much (minus one or two people) throughout my two years here, the two years that I have been trying to get pregnant.

    You are not the first one to say that I need to stop stacking the cards against myself, so I know that I sound like that is all I do. I do have a tendency at times to verbalize the bad stuff while not paying enough attention to the good.....with that being said, I do have a TON of things going good for me in the IVF department as well as in the family department.

    My husband is great. He is supportive, caring, loving, and always supports me in whatever I do (even if he doesn't understand why I do it). My family is wonderful. Despite the fact that I don't always get along with everyone, we ALWAYS support each other, no matter what. I have my age (I just turned 28 in June), no major medical problems....

    I have never been good a keeping things to myself, and my coworkers have helped me through so many things, like the three time I thought I was pregnant (before we found out about my husband's CBAVD), so, they pretty much know everything in that regards.

    As for the money part, we are approaching (and Sept 5 we will exceed) the 10,000 mark that we have spent, and we haven't even had a complete round of IVF yet.....

    I have lots of people praying and hoping that this works for my husband and I, and I will not let my work get in the way of me having the chance to get pregnant and have a child. I have options, and I am lucky enough to have wonderful in-laws that want us to have a child as much as we do....

    My vent did sound very negative, and at the time I did not feel that there was a chance at a change...but things have calmed down some for the moment....I love what I do, but if it comes down to me staying healthy for my pregnancy (hopefully I will be pregnant and have a positive pregnancy test in early October), or my job, my pregnancy and family will win hands down every time.

    I truly appreciate your post. Thank you.

    Lizzy
    jadelpn likes this.
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    I hope all is well with you. Will pray for your successful journey.


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