RN in a rut....

[Usingthejon]

I've been an RN since 2007, and honestly, the past few months have been the absolute most challenging times in my short career.

In short, I just have a hard time working now. Before, I rarely called in sick, had aspirations to become a Charge RN, assistant manager, etc. Strong desire to return back to school and get my BSN, MSN and eventually NP. If I had to call in sick, I had to convince myself to actually do it, because I didn't want to let my coworkers down; if I did call in, I"d pick up another shift to make up for the call out.

Now? I could care less. Some days, its a true slog to get to work; other days (well, nights) I have an ongoing internal monologue about calling off-basically, finding that reason to go into work (usually, cause I lack PTO).

It seems multi-factorial. About 3 years ago, I left bedside to go to an OPO (Organ procurement) and actually experienced the best time of my career. For 2 years, never called in sick, always did what I had to do to ensure success for my job, coworkers and family. However, the long hours took time away from my family, so I had to resign from it. In that short time away, I feel that bedside nursing has changed so much, to the point that I have days where I question the meaning of my job...am I caring for the patient, family, or for the surveys? Doesn't help that every night I work, we don't have charge nurses or reliable breaks.

I just don't know what to do............

[anewsns]

Well, your situation is a little different than mine , but I'll offer my recent thinking. After I decided I felt unhappy and in a rut, I decided that all I basically needed was hope, I can live on just hope for a while. I went on a very awesome vacation and reevaluated my priorities. Shortly after I came back , I put 2 weeks in to go per diem at my job and started applying to places. (Per diem at my job means a lot of hours if desired). I started applying to schools too. I got an interview for a job I really want and don't know If I got it. But , all I can say is that I'm performing really well at my current job again, (which gives me pride in my work again.) My mom said at one point that it's ok to keep your hopes high even if that means some disappointment. Just work on keeping your hopes up and try to move forward and maybe it will be better soon.

[Lucky724]

I don't have any advice but did want to say I completely understand where you are coming from..how you are feeling...I, like anewsns, just went PRN where I work. I accepted a part time position that will be in a clinic a few days a week, 8 hours, nothing more than checking vitals, labs, some education. Boring..yes...but I'm burnt out on the stress of 12+ hour shifts and like you stated - working for the survey instead of or before, patient care.

I really believe that in the next few years nurses are going to start pushing back and the employers are going to have to reevaluate the staffing, long hours etc. Almost all the nurses I know do not mind working hard, helping each other etc, but more and more they do mind being expected to perform duties that are more management in nature, the double/triple/sometimes quadruple charting that takes up tons of time and no one looks at. Home health and those flavors of nursing are no better...it's an overall problem and the pressure cooker nurses feel placed in is getting more.

Unfortunately, for me, my only education and experience is in healthcare so I am pretty much stuck. I'm just trying to find a balance within the system. I hope you are able to find something that works for you. It's a lousy position to be in.

[MrChicagoRN, RN]

Been there. I've been through much the same.

Maybe you are in a rut, maybe suffering from depression

here is a quick, easy, reliable self assessed depression test. Mental Health Screening Tools | Mental Health America

also, you may want to contact your EAP for advice. Follow up with your PCP.

And you you need to take care of yourself first. Make sure you do things for yourself. Hobbies, exercise, social activities, etc.

[Usingthejon]

Thanks for the replies thus far. As for work, I have fallen into the "crappy work area, but love the pay/benefits" environment. There is no ancillary support, or Charge RNs, so every night I work, its 12 hours without a break. Management doesn't care to address it, nor does the union, as both parties are in a "partnership". I know that doesn't help; I left another FT trauma ICU to accept a PT position here, as the FT position was becoming hostile, with a terrible manager and no HR or Union support (He basically said he was going to fire me if I took bereavement leave).

The other thing that really escalated the burnout is I don't feel like an RN anymore; rather I feel like a bellboy, whos taking care of hotel guests, rather than patients. I really fought against that, not realizing that arguing against the hospital was like an ant fighting an elephant. Confiding in my wife and my son's godfather, both said that I essentially shouldn't look at nursing as a calling anymore, but rather as a job, since my employer now only rewards surveys instead of a healing/compassionate touch.

As for my personal well-being: I spend my days off goofing around with my kids, laughing with my wife, working on my car, or working out. I am blessed with an amazing family who supports me. So i like to believe I'm really good there.