This is mostly a vent, I am just so frustrated right now. I am starting nursing school this semester, next week actually, and got a job as a PCA in home care. My position is nights, 2x a week. Even though it's nights I only work for abot 3 hours at night and in the morning, getting my disabled patient read for bed and for the day in the morning. I also have to 1-2 times a night to turn him. I initially was really exited to get this position, I thought I'll get some good experience in nusing skills and be able to work while my kids are sleeping but still get a decent amount of sleep at night. This was my fourth day of work, first day that I was mostly doing it on my own, and it was absolutely horrible. I feel like some of the tasks are just physically too hard for me, like lifting and transferring. I feel like everything I do is not to my patient's satisfaction.
But the absolute worst is the sleep deprivation. I have my own room there to sleep, but after waking up at night to turn him I just cannot get back to sleep. i'm nervous about everything I need to do in the morning, their house is too hot, their neighbors have stupid loud wind chimes, etc. The whole night is just torture, I keep feeling anxious that I can't sleep, which just makes me not go to sleep even more. I slept a total of about 3 hrs last night, and am a total mess. I feel too anxious to nap, but my brain just feels like mush. Today is my daughter's b-day but I'm having my husband take my kids to the ILs house this evening before work bc I'm afraid of snapping at them. After every time I work, I break out in hives the next day, which has never happened to me before.
I just feel so defeated. I haven't even started nursing school and feel I won't be able to cut it, how the heck will I work night shifts if I can't even work a shift where I can mostly sleep.