Might loose another job...I'm suicidal

[VAC]

I lost my job of 4 years in April. I believe the reasons were personal. I had over 3 1/2 years of good evals. (I'm a nurse almost 20 years) It took me 4 months to find a new job. Now on my 3 month eval I was told I need to work on not appearing frustrated. I was not aware that I did. I've seen a counselor, called suicide prevention where I was on hold for 10 minutes before I gave up and called a relative. Their chat site would not open on 2 browsers. Long story shorter... The bottom line is I CANNOT and will not go through loosing another RN job and suffer unemployment. The pain and stress is unbearable already. I am ready to swallow pills. At first I thought I could just learn a few new tools, deep breathe, and meditate my way through this. Then I had a huge meltdown and the suicidal feelings came. The only thing keeping me from acting is my 16 year old son. My husband has enabled our heroin addicted 24 year old son so many times that if he allows him in our home again I will have to get the 16 year old into a safer environment. I can't do this without steady stable work. Sorry this is so desperate and long, but that's where I'm at.

[VAC]

Just an update.. I didn't want to leave anyone hanging. I'm still out here. I was sent to the ER by a mental health provider on Monday. It was not a very therapeutic environment, however, I am stable. I got home this afternoon and am doing much better. My husband promised me we could have a peaceful home without active addiction going on. I also talked to my boss, who seems willing to help me identify what is making me appear stressed at work, (as I wasn't aware that I was projecting that.) One day at a time and lots of slow deep breathing. Thanks for all your support.

[caliotter3]

I am very happy to hear that things are looking up for you, and very, very happy to read that your supervisor is working with you on this. So rare to have a boss that cares enough to try to help. Like you say, one day at a time.