Life is now vague

  1. Summing up my life for a year and half since nursing,
    I have become deprressed, developed some form of schizophrenia d/t being so young and far away from family and with the condition of the world, of course Im paranoid. working nights, getting no sleep during the day, feeling so unfulfilled, unchallenged at work, attending to mag sensors instead of doing anything ACTUALLY medical related, ......


    my mental, physical, social, emotional health POOR!

    I have to leave this profession for a while, I can't anymore. I am so angry, tired, miserable, weary, sad, worried, all of the above.

    Sadly I am someone who is more concerned about responsibility, than living life, therefore the money is taking care of those responsibilities and life is ticking.

    I am 24 years old, beat down, and exhausted.
    The anger and frustration, unconsciously landed me handcuffed for the first time in my life 3months ago, d/t poor judgement or whatever it was, at this point, I dont know and not worrying about it. I don;t care.

    I need my happiness and joy back. Simple and short.

    I wish I can drop everything, and travel to a third world country and work for free. If I knew the process to begin that I would. ..

    then there's my bills.

    Life is stuck.

    Just thought I'd share what has been going on in my mind for so long. Because I am truly at lost.

    Thanks for listening to my vague summary.
  2. Visit ldiva0808 profile page

    About ldiva0808

    Joined: Apr '12; Posts: 50; Likes: 13


  3. by   stewartfamily2010
    Only you know what you truly need. If that's packing up and moving away to help others who couldn't otherwise afford it, then maybe that's what you need to do. Maybe check with Peace Corps.
  4. by   VivaLasViejas
    Please tell us you have access to medical care......a psychiatrist, medications, therapy, whatever you need to battle this thing. And if you don't, there are low-cost clinics in most areas who can help you on a sliding-scale basis.

    You can't very well take care of patients unless you yourself are healthy, or at least in reasonably decent shape. I don't know much about schizophrenia, but you definitely sound depressed to the point of desperation. PLEASE get some help. You cannot pour from an empty vessel.
  5. by   TheLiberation
    Hey, I'm right there with you. For all the facts that nurses are supposed to just exude caring, patience, and compassion, it feels like this field has very little of it for us in return. But we fight through. We will pick ourselves back up. Do one thing at a time and persevere. No matter the circumstance. I may not personally know you. But I know what you're going through, even if you think I don't. We will make it through and continue on. Leave the mistakes in the past and don't fear judgment. <3
  6. by   CrunchRN
    Get yourself some counseling. Now.
  7. by   ldiva0808
    Thanks everyone,
    To be frank, I don't believe in counseling, It's not for everyone, and im one of those. If I have lost direction, a stranger wouldnt help me in tracing myself back. I just have a problem with trying to make everything work all the time, and sometimes, some things just arent working. I wish I could be my best at this moment in my life, but as I try hard to LIVE GREAT with this stress and unhappiness, I am digging deeper,

    It's that situation where you keep working at it, hoping it will get better and its getting worse, to the point that it is affecting your whole life.

    Thanks for all your input and concern, it is so much appreciated.
    The saddest realization is that I was someone who would tolerate unhappiness to get bills paid. Im obssessed with responsibility that I am loosing my mind.

    anyway, I am leaving my job, going to spend time with family, I want to date as it's been 5 years since I've literally even kissed someone, I look older(even if others don;t agree, I feel it), My sass is gone, Im a zombie, I have become generic, I am sarcastic, showing signs of a person who is sleep deprived. you name it. I juist want my loud, hyper, sweet self back. I feel like I have become a copy of almost everyone else.

    God is my captain.
    Jesus is my director
  8. by   charki127
    Healthcare/ nursing is not for everyone. If it is causing distress leave it and find your happiness.
    You may want to hold off dating until you are a little more adjusted.