If you are still driven, you are blessed.

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    All those who look forward to work because they trully love what they do, you are blessed. Whether it be nursing, or accounting, lawyer whatever it be. It's a bottomless pit to walk in life feeling like you are being forced. Not happy or finding fulfilment in anything youdo. even worst to not know what road to take next to live a happier life. Anyone who still has dreams and aspirations, and wake up everyday excited to push toward their goals, you are alive. Because to wake up everyday not looking forward to ANYTHING is the worst feeling in life. I use to have so much drive and energy. Something as simple as going to the gym which was a liberator and spark in my life has now become difficulty and hardship. I am a nurse, and I know in my heart this is not where i belong in a career, but I do a good job at it anyway! and no matter how many"thank you for your great care" "you are a great nurse" I get from so many of my patients every day, and my nurse managers I go home extremely sad because I know Im not living the life I want, and the little things i used to do to make me feel so alive, make me feel more empty when i do them. Im just coming here to literally tell anyone and everyone who live with a purpose, whether its children, a loved one, their job, or their health, whatever it is in your life that makes you ALIVE inside. you are blessed truly. Im making money, im paying bills, im buying whatever i want, Im getting recognition at work, but at the end of the day, the fire I had always had, is burnt.
    kabfighter and TheCommuter like this.
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  4. 3 Comments so far...

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    I can relate to the way you're feeling right now. I'm simply going through the motions and feel as if I am drifting through life.

    There's light at the end of the tunnel and I hope we both can reclaim the fire that we once had.
    ldiva0808 likes this.
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    It sounds like you are experiencing anhedonia (particularly the gym thing), so there may be an underlying organic cause for your unhappiness. I don't want to psychoanalyze you or appear to be offering medical advice, but I will say that I recently visited my medical provider and made some changes in my life so that my story is no longer similar to yours. Depression is an illness, and it doesn't necessarily have a catalyst event, as you don't seem to have.

    If I'm not hitting the mark with my last statement, look inside yourself and ask what do you want from your life, and how can you achieve it? You shouldn't go through every day like a zombie. I went through that for the better part of a decade, and I know that it sucks. When I was doing my psych rotation, I felt like I was more deserving of a bed on the unit than some of the patients.

    I'm not sure if I have enough posts to use the PM feature, but please feel free to try it if you'd like to discuss anything.
    Zombi RN and ldiva0808 like this.
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    Ms Idiva, I left a nice job that I had been driving 30 miles to daily for 20 yrs. my new job was about 10 mins away and I thought my world had finally pinnacled. When the economy turned down so did my new job. Low patient census has become the norm requiring me to use up my sick/vacation leave so i could make my mortgage and bills. I went through the saddest part of my career. Here i was in the latter part of my career, very experienced and still healthy but feeling totally useless and sad that I had probably made the worst career move of my life by transferring to this new facility. Using all my vacation time when I was called off,I went from total job security to job insecurity. I am still in that situation it's hard for me to be enthusiastic about anything. I too get thank you letters from my pts and recognition but I feel numb. I find my self praying for my shift to end each work day and to let me get through it. I miss my old friends from the other facility and haven't bonded with anyone here. I have gotten totally disillusioned with nursing and cry sometimes when I think about how much I use to love nursing so much only to find out in the end how it has crushed and saddened me.


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