I dreamed of being an R.N and now I sometimes dread going to work

Nurses Stress 101

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I know this site is full of posts from stressed nurses,nurses who are burnt out and newish nurses who are wondering if they are doing it right. Well, I fall somewhere in that spectrum.

I graduated with an ADN-RN in 2010. I graduated with a 3.9 g.p.a. I had been a CNA for about 6 years in every setting you could imagine: psych,peds,ER, Med/surg and LTC. I loved people and I loved being a CNA and my dream was being an R.N. After a year in nursing school I became a nurse apprentice on a med/surg floor. I gained so much experience and I learned so much and felt solid in my basic skills. I passed my NCLEX on the first try and was excited for all the future had to bring. I got pregnant with twins and went on leave a little longer and went back to work casual call/per diem. Here I am back at work and either i need another place of employment or some sort of change. Some days I dread going to work, I love my patients but I have days where I don't think I am doing it right. I struggle with what it means by being a nurse. I beat myself up after a busy shift and think of all the things I could of done differently and play the things over and over in my head for days and even prevents me from sleeping. I want to be a great nurse! Yet, I still make occasional mistakes (luckily minor). I have so much to learn but I can be so hard on myself it hurts. I know I cannot be alone in this and I really never expected to not like nursing at any point. Help me and thank you for letting me vent.

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I understand how you feel. I graduated in 1998 and have worked in many different areas. I am on a tele floor now and it is super busy. Its hard when you go home completely exhausted and afraid maybe you made a mistake and reviewing your day constantly. Some days are great and some days I leave vowing I will not return. I have found it helpful to communicate with my supervisor and charge nurse so they know what's going on and can help me problem solve and do better at time management.

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I know how you feel I fall on the new side of nursing there have been days where I have been in tears about leaving to go to work. I've had to pull off on the side of the ride because I was crying so hard. I was a paramedic which I loved before I was a nurse I just need to find something in nursing that I love as much as being a medic

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It is tough because I live in a rural area and nurses options are limited. There is one hospital,home-health company and a dialysis clinic. I do home health per diem and I enjoy it, but not interested in full time there. I think psych is where I want to work, but no psychiatric facilities for 180 miles here. Thanks for letting me vent!

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Do you think you have any conflict between work and wanting to be home with twins? I ask because I remember while I was pregnant thinking leave was long enough and going back would be no big deal. After having my daughter, it was a different story. It came through as job dissatisfaction.

Of course this could be just that (job dissatisfaction). I just found for me, new parenthood compounded that.

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When I read your original post I see someone who is a high achiever and expects alot out of herself. It seems as if you achieve every goal you set for yourself. you state " I love my patients but I have days where I dont think I am doing it right. I beat myself up after a busy shift..think of all the things I could have done differently..play it over in my head..so I dont sleep.." Later you admit that you can be so hard on yourself " it hurts". This does not look like job "burn out" to me but a coping mechanism you are using that's really not going to work out well in the nursing field. You most likely are hard on yourself whether its school, work, or now parenting. Perfection in nursing is a myth. Perfection in parenting is also a myth. Life AND nursing can be really hard but you can find happiness in both. I urge you to find someone you can talk to who can help you let go of expecting so much of yourself. I bet you are a really great nurse and we need to keep nurses who have a strong sense of personal responsibility. Every job in nursing will take every ounce of effort you have to give but you also have to protect your own life-work balance. Good luck to you ! (PS as far as wanting psych with no close facilities I have a good friend who got her NP and does home visits for psych patients to help out with their medication monitoring. She makes awesome money because these patients have trouble making the drive to regular dr visits and you did say you like home health too)

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I have an anxiety disorder, I am not suggesting in any way that you do, I only mention it as I suffered the exact same problems. I constantly felt like I wasn't "enough", I wasn't up the standards I wanted to be. I'm an overachiever and perfectionist which didn't help. I became utterly convinced I was a terrible nurse, I began to have nightmares About making a medication error, I had full blown panic attacks while giving out medications- I'm not proud to say that several people I respected and admired watched me collapse on to the floor in hysterical tears because the stress finally overwhelmed me- thank god I'd made it out of view of patients.

anywho the reason you rind me of anxiety- the instant feelings of not being good enough, going home and reviewing every single decision and over analysing it- replaying it, wondering how you could have done "better". Have you noticed other symptoms- crying, feeling sad, over/ under eating, over/ under sleeping, feeling hopeless? With checking out with your doctor whether you are suffering from anxiety- whether chronic or work-related. Lifestyle changed, diet and exercise changes, work- life balance, finding satisfying hobbies etc re al great stress relievers- for everyone, not just those with anxiety problems.

I know good medical care is hard t find in rural areas, but a visit to your doctor or a therapist might help you a lot. Alternatively there are a million online resources, websites, books, and even smart phone apps that teach all kinds of different techniques and therapies- relaxation, positive self talk, meditation- so many, there's bound to one you like and find helpful, though some might seem silly and unhelpful.

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Specializes in PACU, presurgical testing.

Oh, honey, I'm right with you. I was browsing the Health/Stress Management posts because I need to go to bed but I'm so afraid I'm going to wake up and worry. I love my job, but after 2 years I still feel like I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I don't have any answers except to try to focus on each patient and each issue and then leave it alone. If you find any good stay-asleep strategies, let me know!

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I love hearing from all of you. Thank you. I think MAYBE I am figuring it out and yes I am prone to some anxiety. Good luck to all of you :)

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