Found out I may be bipolar----explains alot

Back in Feb 09, I posted on the general forum that I had some type of panic attack at work and had to tell my nurse manager I could not work that morning. I had called her into the office first thing after the day before having a horrible day. I had worked at the hospital for 3 years. I didn't know what was going on with me, but was diagnosed by a PA with depression, panic attacks and anxiety. I could not go back to work and had to go on medical leave. There I sat at home pondering where on earth I would go from there. After weeks, I thought I was better, and had planned on going back to work. On that day, I had a panic attack at the mere thought and could not go in. My Medical leave was extended. Meanwhile, knowing I could not take the stress of hospital work, I took a chance and asked for my old job back that I had 6 years ago in home health and by a miracle, there was an opening. It is MUCH less stressful and I jumped at it. After starting I was on cloud nine. Low stress, I felt like I could cope, but then after the euphoria of having a less stressful job leveled off, I started getting depressed again. When I get depressed, I feel like the whole world is bad, I hate everything except my family and I think evil has taken over the world. I don't like many people and I don't want to go to social events. I eat too much, I gain weight, I have no will power, I have no interest in much of anything and its all I can do to go to work.

So, I thought I was not doing well, so I asked for counseling. He asked for me to keep a diary of my moods and things and amazingly, I realized just how much my moods swing. I go for several days of depression, then become elated (but I don't think the elation is extreme) then I feel almost normal, and then the cycles go again. He thinks I have a mood disorder and may even be bipolar. I have an appt with a doctor next week and he will send his info to her.

I get along well with my family. I don't have the classic symptoms of the manic part of bipolar disorder in that I don't spend too much money, desire sex unusually or am unable to sleep. Rather I just feel euphoric and get extremely hyped up with all that I'm inter tested in, am high energy and really feel euphoric. I never know how I will feel from on day to the next. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. My memory is shot.

I don't know where I'm going with this post, just need to vent. I'm just really still lost and this has been going on for months and months.

I think I need a hug.....