Navy NCP Motivational Statement

[B_rac777]

Hi all. Turning in my package for NCP soon. I finished my motivational statement last night and was hoping for some critiques of it.

I enlisted in the Navy September 2, 2004. I was seeking direction, purpose and opportunity. Looking back now I know that joining the Navy was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I found so much more than just direction and opportunity. I was given a set of core values to live my life by. When I first enlisted I had no idea what Honor, Courage and Commitment meant. At the time they were just words. Over time by the example and teaching of many excellent mentors and leaders not only did I learn what the Core Values meant, but they became for me a way of life. I was honorably discharged on Sept. 2, 2009 and I took the Core Values with me. My time serving in the Navy and the Core Values that were instilled into me has allowed me to achieve goals I only dreamed of. Now as a committed and honorable man I seek to join the ranks of the Navy Nurse Corps.

I believe that my leadership experience, dedication to duty, and ability to adapt to any situation will benefit the Navy and contribute to my success as a Naval Officer. Serving aboard the USS Ohio SSGN 726 was a very demanding assignment and at times very stressful. The rigors of completing my SS qualification taught me to keep trying and to never give up no matter what happens. I learned to adapt quickly to any situation, be it a drill, ship emergency or just normal watch standing routine.

During my tour I received invaluable leadership experience as the calibration Petty Officer for Sonar Division. I was responsible to the work center supervisor in the performance of maintenance and tool calibrations. It was my duty to direct and supervise junior sailors in the completion of many varied maintenance and repair evolutions. I mentored and assisted 3 junior sailors in completing their SS qualifications. I felt a great deal of pride and satisfaction when these sailors earned their qualification and were awarded their dolphins. As the search plan coordinator it was my duty to develop the sonar search plan for any area the ship would be operating in and present it to the Weapons Officer and the OOD. Developing the search plan required planning, time management and the utmost attention to detail. Presenting the search plan gave me valuable experience interacting with senior Officers aboard the ship.

During my time serving aboard the USS Ohio I learned that working with electronics and computer hardware was not the career for me. Although my enlistment was a very rewarding experience, I came to the realization that serving and helping people was what I wanted to do with my life. So to that end I decided to pursue a career in nursing. The values and skills I learned in the Navy have equated to me being a very successful college student. I received the Presidents Honor Roll 3 straight quarters. I was selected from a pool of over 100 applicants to attend the UNLV School of Nursing. The selection process was very competitive. GPA, test performance, and an interview process were used to determine the selectees.

I believe that I am an excellent candidate for the Navy Nurse Corps. I have extensive experience following orders and leading sailors. I have excelled in very high stress environments and learned to adapt quickly to any situation. I have a strong desire to serve my country and fellow sailors again. I believe that I have all of the qualities of a Naval Officer and exemplify the Navy Core Values of Honor, Courage, and Commitment. It would be an honor and privilege to serve my country as an Officer in the United States Navy.

I have a pretty open mind and I would like any and all suggestions to improve this statement. I would really love if some grammar "nazis" LOL would help me out and check my grammar. Thanks in advance.

[nurse2033, MSN, RN]

Pretty good, you sound like a great candidate. I think your statement is good but I will comment on some minor things I see. Personally I think your paragraphs are too long, I would cut most of them in half.

P1- the sentence that begins with "over time" is a bit unwieldy, I would reorder the words and keep the meaning.

In P3 could you be more specific about your supervisory role? How many sailors did you directly supervise? How important was your job to the mission? What amount of budget did you control? What was the outcome of your search plan? Was it adopted? Your statements are fine but a bit general.

In P4 I would avoid the negative statement "not for me". Focus on what you brought from that experience and why you found a new passion.

In P5 I would use the term followership instead of following orders. The former is more dynamic and an art, versus the latter being kind of mindless. As a closer, I would like to see your passion for why you want to do this. You present a very good case for why you would be a good candidate, but why would you be the best candidate? You make this sound almost like one of several alternatives you are pursuing. Make the reader believe that you have to do this and won't quit trying. Best of luck!

USAF 1Lt, MSN

[MURunner86]

I will tell you I based my motivational statement (as a direct commission nurse corps officer) on HONOR, COURAGE, and COMMITMENT and how I exemplify the Navy's core values. I think you could organize your statement pretty easily based on those.

[runnergirl86, BSN, MSN]

One more thought, you were accepted into the Navy already, so what makes you stand out from other nurses to be in the Navy Nurse Corps? What drives you to making nursing your career? How do the core values tie in with nursing? Best of luck!

[sailornurse]

Bravo Zulu!