Need advice about who I can contact re: my ex-MIL in SNF

Specialties Geriatric

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Specializes in behavioral health.

My ex-MIL is in nursing home. She had a stroke in Jan. She had a biopsy and was off her Coumadin and not bridged. By the time, she was discovered it was too late to give her anything.

A little background here. Her daughter lives four hours away. My ex- was staying in her late sister's house. However, as soon as she had a stroke, her nephew jumped on chance to move her out and sell the house.

Her daughter came up to stay at the house for 12 weeks. Then her plan was to move her to the state where she lives. Her insurance would not pay for another state, so she needed to wait for new enrollment period to change. (I think she may have been looking at her SS check)

Her daughter appointed herself POA.(illegally) She was a notary in another state, and made herself POA. Once upon a time, she was actually her POA. Ex-MIL removed her as her POA, as she basically lost her house. Her daughter took a second mortgage out against the house(behind her mom's back) She quit making payments, the house went into foreclosure. My ex-MIL was essentially homeless. She moved in with her sister. The sister just died last fall. My exMIL remained in home until she had stroke.

My ex-Sister-in-law moved back home.

My daughter and I went to visit my ex- mother-in-law, yesterday. I assumed that her daughter checked on her frequently. The social worker at the home told us that they left numerous messages with my ex SIL, and she never calls. They are not allowed to give us any information. I am on the list for medical information, only.

I am concerned what is going on with her. How do I get any type of info? eg Would they move her to another home, if the bill is not being paid? My ex SIL allegedly took 4000 from her mom's purse when she went to hospital. Also, sold her car for $5000. I know there is something shady going on.

My only concern is that my exMIL receive adequate care and have an advocate for her. My ex husband had a stroke a few years ago, and is not mentally competent. Currently, I am caring for my own mother with dementia, so I am not in a position to help her.

I know this is not a nursing issue, but I was wondering if anyone that works in SNF can steer me in direction to find an advocate for my exMIL?

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Specializes in Gerontology, Case Management, Pediatrics.

The ombudsman in your state would be the first place to start. You can research the state laws to see what the state says about the situation. Be positive with your comments. You don't want to be in a postion that anyone can retaliate against you for speaking up.

Best of luck!

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Specializes in behavioral health.

Yes my son contacted the ombudsman. I told him that he has no proof, so he can not say that he suspects that she stole the money. He did report how she made herself POA. That is a fact. I told my son that he can report only fact, and leave out the emotion. So, I guess they are going to investigate it. I am letting my son take care of it, as I am no longer related to her.

I just hope this poor woman gets the proper care.

Thanks for reply. I just did not know where to start. I would hate to see my ex SIL try to take her out of nursing home, and abuse/neglect her.

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Get a lawyer!

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Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.

I've seen similar situations over the years and I can tell you that if she is d/c'd to home with the daughter and you call the office of the aging they will investigate quickly. If she stays in the nursing home and the family stops paying the bill the home will get the office of aging involved.I have seen residents get guardians appointed by the court for their protection. She would likely end up in a nursing home in a Medicaid bed when the money is gone.. The facility where I work is 100% Medicaid certified and we do have some private pay residents,too-they all get the same care.

Not much you can do,the family actually can bar you from visiting so tread carefully.Alot of what you posted is second hand stuff,you just have suspicions,you kind of need to let it go.(she sure isn't going to drive the car again so it makes sense to me to sell it and who carries $4000 in their purse? doesn't make sense) Visit her as much as you can and if someone d/c's her to their home try to stay on friendly terms so you can monitor the situation and call the proper authorities if needed.

It sounds like you have as much on your plate as you can handle,you can't save the world.It's your ex husband's mother,you may love her but keep it in perspective and take care of your self and your mother,she needs you more.

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Consulting a lawyer seems in her best interests. We can't provide legal advice per our terms of service.

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