Elders Say the Darnedest Things!

As anyone who's ever worked with the elderly knows, every care facility has its "characters": the curmudgeon, the hothouse flower, the Church Lady. And the best-kept secret in the business is the hilarity that ensues whenever one of these folks offers his or her commentaries on everyday events. Nurses Announcements Archive Article

You are reading page 6 of Elders Say the Darnedest Things!

Specializes in corrections.

OH I LOVE LTC!

One night, there was an eyelash ball of yarn on one couch, one of the ladies wheels herself to it, and starts touching it and then exclaims "my my! This is nice! It feels like a man's ball!!!

And another of our residents, had recently had her leg amputated. She was on her wheel chair, when she decided to stand up. Of course we all turned around and told her to stop when her chair alarm started ringing.. She got upset and asked us why we did not want her to stand up. Someone pointed out that she only had one leg. So she looked down, and then said "Now how in the world did I lose THAT?"

And another lady had thrown up, so I was helping her put a nightgown on, and she said "This is the first cruise in which people tell me what to wear!"

Oh, and one time, it was the birthday of one of the ladies, so her whole family was there, with a bunch of little kids.

When one of the of the other ladies decided to take her clothes off in the middle of the hallway. It scared the heck out of the little kids.

And oh yeah! We used to have a dirty old man. I was helping him get in bed when he said "Nice (almost like fussy)!" I said WHAT??? and he answered "Nice kitty cat"

And another time, I saw one of our other residents coming down the hall. She was tiny and she had this child size wheel chair, which was still too big, and her feet barely touched the ground, so she prefered to grab things and/or people to propel herself. I felt someone touching me, and I thought it was her, using me as a handrail to propel herself, but then I saw that she had already passed me, so I turned around and there was our dirty old man, patting my bottom. I asked him what he was doing and all he had to say was "YOU SURE HAVE A BIG ASS"

Lupan

53 Posts

Specializes in med/surg; LTC.....LPN, RN, DON; TCU.

Hahahaha ! Been there!! One lady grabbed my "front" while I was changing out her tube feeding and when I pulled away she gave me a thumbs up !!! Pretty bad when ya have to go to a resthome to get attention from women! hahahaha The gentleman that put the poligrip on my medcart just passed and his family found like twenty used tubes of the stuff. They couldn't figure out why! I just gave my best to the family and told them that their dad was special. One male resident during the night while being changed told the CNAs "Don't get excited now!" as he was laying there nude and getting cleaned up from his most recent artistic use of BM. A few years ago the evening shift allowed the residents to watch some scary movies one night when it was stormy. I worked the night shift and everyone was constantly running because can you imagine 30 female residents over the age of 80 hearing every little noise and seeing the bogyman behind the bedside table!!!! It was the same as a room full of 10 year old girls!! hahahahaha One would scream out and it would start all over again:yeah:

icubel

9 Posts

Specializes in sicu,er.

OMG that was so funny I could see that happening can not stop laughing

Lupan

53 Posts

Specializes in med/surg; LTC.....LPN, RN, DON; TCU.

This past weekend my favorite male resident was setting next to the nurses station. Now picture in your mind a 95 yo with arthritis and deformities from multiple bone fx. setting in his wc watching everyone going to the DR for breakfast. He does a great sound effect of a train whistle and he saw all these people lined up. He raised his arm instead of his normal tooot tooot he let out a weak waa waa. He looked around and said " I guess I tooted out" A few minutes later it became obvious that the laxative kicked in by a strong ordor coming from his person. When the CNAs asked him if he needed to be changed he would shake his head and point to us nurses giving report and whisper "its them". :yeah::yeah:

bugvw70

10 Posts

Monitoring the dining room, I approach one of the tables and ask if the gentlemen there would like some coffee. I get three "yes" answers and the fourth gentleman just sits there for a second. When I ask again, "Bob, would you like some coffee?" he looks me straight in the eye and asks "Got any cocaine?". He then goes on to mumble something about it being good for bad teeth. One of my other resident at this table, meanwhile, has almost fallen out of his chair laughing and replies "Yeah, I hear that's not all it's good for!" Oh my, discussing illicit drugs with 80 year old men- not what I had envisioned when I was in nursing school.;)

Daly City RN

250 Posts

Specializes in Neuro-Surgery, Med-Surg, Home Health.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I remember this petite 80-something year old female patient who was sitting on a wheelchair in a hallway with the sweetest smile on her face. I approached her to greet her when she yelled with a French accent, "You murderer!!!"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

McFly85

16 Posts

Haha wow!

footsoldier

12 Posts

Specializes in LTC.

I have also loved the stories, they really are our bread and butter, or something nourishing. My life experiences has led me LTC. So many weird and wonderful experiences stand out amongst it all. Genuine laughter really is the shortest distance between two people. Keep those tales coming.

CNA2day

197 Posts

Man I have so many residents that I love where I work.

One of the ladies who survived a concentration camp, is the happiest old lady you will ever meet. She does not talk, but instead babbles. She gives hugs, holds your hand and LAUGHS. She will wake up from sleeping in her WC and turn to the person next to her and burst out in an infectious laugh!

We have one man who walks around to EVERYONE and says Hay, how are ya!

One lady Loves cats. SHe sometimes hates to get up and when you go to help her she hisses and tries to bite you(she has no teeth)

Same lady also babbles over ANYTHING. She will talking into all hours of the night. One time she was telling me about how the cats were getting killed by the dogs, she told me about how earlier that day she challenged the church, she will talk about anything. Its so funny what she says!

My favorite male resident has dementia really bad. Sometimes he is coherent to what you are saying but mostly does not respond. A few nights ago I put him to bed and told him goodnight and he gave me a kiss and said goodnight! It melted my heart.

He also loves to say "********!" to people right after then get done stating something, makes for a good giggle!!!

We normally talk about how he fixed the fence, the car, or something abou tthe cows.

Tongiht as I was helping him to bed he got a huge grin on his face and he said, " He peaked! He sure did!"

I stated that "I knew he would!"

He nodded his head and grinned like a kid in a candy store!

His roomate gets so mad when I talk to this guy... his roomate is a crabby old man, HAHA!

sholman

4 Posts

i was working in a LTC facility with a pt that was schizo w/ dementia...we learned that we had to monitor what was on the TV that at times she was occupied with because it totally became a reality to her. She hated Shania Twain " lookat that d**** whore dancin around thinkin she's purty, but I got her man" one time a tech turned on BET for music and didn't change it back and when i went down the hall she was yelling out as if she was rapping " dat fool broke my w/c won't wont nobody fix it" or the many times she was "dyin" i would respond why what is wrong? " I've got diverticulosis and you better watch out or i'll give it to you too!"

Specializes in MED/SURG STROKE UNIT, LTC SUPER., IMU.

I've got one for ya...Pt "Mary": my back hurts. Me: Do you want to go to bed and rest? "Mary": With who??????

I'm still cracking up!!!

danid86

7 Posts

haha These are such wonderful stories... I have some to share as well, but some are hard to tell because they involve residents making noises that simply cannot be typed out... they lose all hilarity when you try to give letters and words to the sounds they make. :)

One particular resident would make a hilarious noise anytime you came to help her do anything... to try to describe the noise... She would rapidly move her toungue up and down inside of her mouth while making a "loll loll loll" sound. Oh, that doesn't do it justice at all... :) And then, as soon as you said anything she would take on this snotty little voice and mimic everything you said, just like she was mocking you! haha Every single day I had to prepare myself before entering her room so I wouldn't burst out laughing with all of her nonsense. :)

Another resident was the most pleasant woman you could ever meet. In the morning I'd go into her room to help her get ready and she'd be laying in bed, fully awake with the smile of an angel on her face. She thought everything that anyone said was hilarious and would give her precious toothy grin and chuckle to herself. And mostly all she said was "Oh, yes." or "Oh, no".

Me: "Are you ready to get up and start the day?"

Resident: "Oh, yes" *cue toothy grin, and chuckle*

Me: "Shall we wear the purple outfit today?"

Resident: "Oh, yes" *shaking head side to side, still laughing*

One day she shocked me as we were sitting in the dining room listening to one of the other residents tell stories about her family farm... I began to laugh because the story had reached a funny moment, and my precious angel looks at me and glares and says, "Are you giggling???" Me: (in shock that #1 she isn't smiling, #2 she said something besides "Oh yes" and "Oh, no" #3 that she actually seems mad) "Are you mad that I'm giggling?" Resident: "No giggling! No giggling!" I had to leave the room cuz I was about to die of laughter. :)

I encountered another resident in her room packing up all of her stuff into a little bag, when I asked her what was going on she replied, "I'm going to Vegas! The car is waiting for me outside! I'll see you next week. I'm going to have me some fun!"